Comments from friends' husbands?

[Icanseeitinyoureyes]

Went out for a meal with a group of friends, one's husband joined after an hour. He ended up sitting next to me and he said to me, "You look really good." I later told another friend and she said "Does he fancy you."
Just being nice or inappropriate?

A couple of years ago I had a big change of hairstyle. Put it on social media and a different friend's partner (who I'm not even friends with it all) commented, "Wow, new hair, definitely a good decision.!"

Coming from females they would be entirely normal comments, but friend's partners who I hardly know, not sure?

Also, the only reason you're being attacked here is because other women are projecting their insecurities onto you.

Quiet Synonyms | Collins English Thesauruswww.collinsdictionary.com › dictionary › quiet
quiet · muted · lowered · whispered · suppressed · stifled · hushed · indistinct · low-pitched.

Innocuous or otherwise I'm not convinced it deserves this level of dissection.

You aren't interested any which way he presents himself.

So give him a wide berth at any further events and/or tell him to keep his thoughts to himself.

A married male friend of ours cried when I walked down the aisle at my wedding. He said I looked like an angel! One of my best friend’s husbands said I looked like a princess. Tbh I’m still not sure if that was a compliment or not. But what should have been their comeuppance for stepping so far out of line?

Last week as I was lying topless, boobs out, waiting for an ultrasound, the female nurse/assistant/whatever she was commented firstly on how I apparently look young for my age and secondly on my body, literally: “your body looks good too. Do you work out?” Is this ok because she is female? She was married and had a son, so this is ok I guess?

Life is many shades of grey; rarely black and white. If you feel awkward, stand up for yourself. Even just a little bit. How can we tell you whether such a non-event had any hidden malicious intent? I would be interested to know how much life/love experience you have too. And Jesus wept, this is not ‘victim’ blaming!! What is the OP a victim of? A low grade unsolicited compliment? Good for anyone whose biggest worry in life is having someone remark on their hairdo/fancy dress costume/general appearance.

@IMissVino - so the Op is having a bit of sport with us.

madamenoire.com/1130498/why-men-shouldnt-be-allowed-to-comment-on-womens-bodies/

www.facebook.com/TheBodyisNotAnApology/posts/when-men-comment-on-womens-bodies-it-is-often-an-expression-of-power-but-when-wo/692950167385347/
"When men comment on women’s bodies, it is often an expression of power. But when women comment on other women’s bodies, it becomes not an expression of power but a reflection of a society where a woman’s body is open to public comment, criticism, admiration, etc. just by the fact that she is a woman."

www.wildcat.arizona.edu/article/2022/03/o-body-comments OPINION: Don't comment on someone's body, good or bad

Here's Why Men Need To Stop Commenting On Women's Looks Has something a man ever said about you hurt your feelings or given his unsolicited opinion about your looks? This week we are discussing just that.

www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-complimenting-womans-appearance-sexist-felicity-menzies-fca

everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/what-people-are-really-saying-when-they-comment-on-womens-bodies/

www.buzzfeed.com/victoriavouloumanos/women-share-unsolicited-comments-about-appearance-by-men

Only some people are crazy so their gut is not worth trusting.

Yes there are creeps, but lots? You must have weird friends. I have come across creeps but only infrequently

Last comment on this misogynist cesspit of a thread before I Hide it. Ask yourself this question; would this man whisper to another man "You look really good." ?

That's the yardstick.

We all know the answer.

No man would say the same to another man. Blokes don't say to each other "You look really good." That's why, it is both sexist and inappropriate.

I think we’re all in agreement about men not commenting on women’s bodies, which the above sources support.

You stated that ‘a man should never compliment a woman’. This is what you’ve been asked to provide sources for. You have yet to do so. I’m afraid you can’t move the goal posts, as your comments are all still there.

This thread is insane.

@JennyNotFromTheBlock loads of men told me I looked beautiful at our wedding - should I never speak to them again? My Dad told me I looked glowing pregnant - is he a wrong un?

OP I think (given you told your friend and started a thread) you want this to be a thing. A friend of mine used to constantly claim everyone’s husbands were flirting with her.

I think it also depends - if you did and do actually and always look very attractive or were they being kind to boost your confidence?

JennyNotFromTheBlock
do you have a mixed sex group of friends? When one guy in my group lost weight, plenty of people told him he was looking good in a whole host of ways, including some quietly as an aside.

Situation, intent, relationship, content, tone all make a difference here. That's why your blanket statements and opinion pieces might hold true for you, but so many people disagree with you

You stated that ‘a man should never compliment a woman’.

I went back and none of my posts say that, you are being dishonest. I said a man should not comment on a woman's looks or appearance. Not that he should never, point blank, give a woman a compliment. Just that he shouldn't comment on her body/looks. Please don't lie and twist to move the goal posts to create a false narrative.

• It wasn’t clear, and what you said was challenged multiple times and not once did you clarify it.
• Looks and bodies aren’t the same thing.
• You are yet to provide any sources to back up what you’ve said and now you’re trying to move the goal posts. I’ve been entirely consistent.
• Nobody has agreed with you on this thread. So, apparently, none of possesses room-level IQ, comprehension abilities and cognitive abilities.
• Nobody has stated that it’s fine to compliment women’s bodies.
• The amount of backpedaling and position switching you’re doing in your attempts to defend an indefensible position is rather sad.
• You claimed you were ‘leaving this cesspit of a thread’ but are still here. Slope off and lick your wounds.

Despite the stereotype, men DO compliment each other (at least the ones I know do). Normally it's about clothes or a haircut but sometimes it can be if someone's lost weight or been working hard in the gym. A guy I know, who I hadn't seen for a couple of months, came in the pub the other day, he'd lost a load of weight and looked so much healthier than the last time I saw him. I instinctively said "You're looking really good mate".

I know that if I'd spent time and effort working on my appearance then a compliment would be appreciated. Likewise if I'd bought a new suit for an event or had a haircut, it's nice that people notice. Unfortunately, the best I can hope for these days is the old "You scrub up alright!"...better than nothing I suppose!

The answer is - who knows? Everyone can only guess. But what if everyone says it is inappropriate, what are you going to do then? Probably nothing as you hardly know these people so what difference does it make?

I often compliment friends of both sexes on how great they are looking or about a shirt/ handbag/ coat if it catches my eye.

Far weirder to tell a third person “Jocob said I looked good earlier!?” Are you someone who thinks everyone fancies you? I think I’d be unconsciously more inhibited about complimenting a man who I was attracted to.

If he said it in a creepy way or accompanied by borderline inappropriate touching or leaning in with held eye-gaze then I’d be with you. I still wouldn’t relate it to a third party.

You literally just wanted to show off there didn't you 😆

I saw a guy who I’m not that close to but he goes to my church on Sunday. He’s white but was wearing an African attire. I’m African and the cloth looked good on him so I made a comment. I was not shouting on top of my voice, neither was a saying it in a hushed tone and it’ll be weird if he thought I fancied him because of that.
When I wear something nice, I’ve had men and women comment to say, you look good, that colour suits you, etc and sometimes when I braid my hair, I do get comments on it. I’ve never thought it was creepy.
If someone had said oh, you look sexy or similar or maybe say I look nice and keep going on and on about it, even if they were male or female, that would have been so inappropriate. A simple comment won’t get my back up.