Comments from friends' husbands?

[Icanseeitinyoureyes]

Went out for a meal with a group of friends, one's husband joined after an hour. He ended up sitting next to me and he said to me, "You look really good." I later told another friend and she said "Does he fancy you."
Just being nice or inappropriate?

A couple of years ago I had a big change of hairstyle. Put it on social media and a different friend's partner (who I'm not even friends with it all) commented, "Wow, new hair, definitely a good decision.!"

Coming from females they would be entirely normal comments, but friend's partners who I hardly know, not sure?

YABU, this is completely normal. Are you the kind of person that loves attention or thinks everyone’s husband fancies them?

No I'm not. I'd never experienced it before so was only asking, that's all.

I told my friends husband (friend was there) that he was a good looking man and they both suited each other and were a gorgeous couple.

No bad flirty intention at all.

First one dodgy, second one ok

Completely different! Like I've had comments on my facebook about the handsome man in my picture. Very different to someone private messaging him that.

It does seem a bit odd when it's someone you don't know very well, particularly a bloke. Also saying it quietly is weird.

If I went out with my wife and one of her friends had obviously made a big effort, was wearing a particularly nice outfit or had had their hair done I would complement them on it. Likewise if it was a guy and he had dressed up I might say 'you look dapper' or something similar.

I'd only read anything into it if he made multiple comments or they were sexual in nature. Otherwise a couple of complements can go a long way.

Ignore the batshit posters who think this is no big deal. He said it very quietly, so his own wife wouldn't hear. That is more than enough, considering that a married man commented on another woman's looks at all in the first place, is massive red flags that he is a creep. Try not to avoid sitting next to him ever again if you can.

All these women telling you to ignore your instincts and stop having such a “big head”. Jesus wept. If you got creepy/coming on to you vibes then of course listen to your instincts! If if made you feel a bit uncomfortable then yes trust that and it probably was inappropriate. I wouldn’t say anything as it’s pretty minor but you would be forgiven for keeping your distance a bit.

Anything that would still be appropriate if preceded by the words,
"Hey Auntie Sarah..." is fine :)

Ha! You'll never win with this one, @Icanseeitinyoureyes

I've no idea whether there was anything to be read into it (I don't know you or the man/men involved, so couldn't begin to interpret this) - but there's nothing that women enjoy more than putting down other women who dare to wonder whether someone else's husband might find them attractive.

It's hilarious that you have somehow divined this man's secret intentions.

Pray, what decibel level is it appropriate for a man to pay a woman a (very ordinary) compliment at? Does he need to roar it across the table like a skipper at sea in a storm so no one can suspect he's going sotto voce so his wife doesn't hear? 😀

It's not some established friends of years, it's men I'd only met twice. And no I'm not big headed or used to it happening. I just wanted to know if it was common, and because he didn't say it in front of everyone.
Once a male friend told me he couldn't 'unsee" a photo of me in a dress. That is 100% inappropriate, I also think he had a partner.

😂Maybe you should stop being so incredibly naive and read the stories on this thread, and learn that a man commenting on a woman's looks is creepy and sexual harassment. No man deliberately chooses to speak softly so his wife doesn't hear if he has nothing to hide, wake up and get real. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4673471-whats-the-most-wildly-inappropriate-thing-to-ever-happen-to-you?latest=1

Recently a friend of my partner's got some crazy green half shaved hairstyle so I told him, "Hey, I like your hair!" But I wouldn't have quietly said to him "You look really good" as it could be misinterpreted

My DH has said to female friends you’re looking great! Or similar
and later spoke to me about how they look much happier, or healthier, or whatever else they look. It wasn’t sexual. He was being nice to them and seeing them as a person who’s confidence, happiness or health was showing after a makeover or after they lost or gained weight or got over a break up or something else. If that woman then started telling people he’d complimented them, with the implication clearly being that he was coming on to them, in front of me or on a public platform, I’d be really annoyed with her. That’s so disrespectful.

but a murmured comment and creepiness is different, none of us were there to know which.

I say things like this to women and teenagers all the time, and the elderly. I do not flatter men because they might get the wrong idea but I think it is normal, but could be creepy, only you know, trust your instincts.

Gosh, op did you post wanting people to tell you he fancied you? The way you’re arguing it it’s clear that is what you desperately wish to think

paying a friend a compliment is very normal . I do it to my friends and their husbands and them to me, it is not some come on and sign they fancy you

have you got a boyfriend?

I think you just look good OP! You look good and your hair is amazing, accept the complements with a smile, you're obviously doing something right! They're not necessarily predatory or sexual, I don't think, but maybe there was more information in body language and tone and eye contact that's hard to get across.

In terms of whether it's "normal", I think so, yes, it wouldn't raise alarm bells with me unless I was getting the milk in off the doorstep and looked like a fright! If I was done up for a night out and had gone to some lengths to make sure I looked good, confirmation of the fact from a male or a female wouldn't strike me as out of order.

I think it depends on their body language and eye contact. It’s hard to say if it was just an innocent compliment or more of a come on without knowing those things.

I mean only you and him really know. One way to say it would be loudly with a big smile and a thumbs up. Another would be to say it quietly and intimately with a long intense look. They would mean different things so you can't tell from just the words.

Even if he was flirting with you though, does it really matter?

If it made her uncomfortable then yes it does matter. Women don't need other women to tell them their discomfort doesn't matter.

YABVU

If he’d said it without caring the rest of the table could potentially overhear, that’d be normal small talk. But he said it quietly… that’s flirtatious.

Haircut comment is different. That’s just a nice comment.