Comments from friends' husbands?

[Icanseeitinyoureyes]

Went out for a meal with a group of friends, one's husband joined after an hour. He ended up sitting next to me and he said to me, "You look really good." I later told another friend and she said "Does he fancy you."
Just being nice or inappropriate?

A couple of years ago I had a big change of hairstyle. Put it on social media and a different friend's partner (who I'm not even friends with it all) commented, "Wow, new hair, definitely a good decision.!"

Coming from females they would be entirely normal comments, but friend's partners who I hardly know, not sure?

Or maybe he said it quietly because they were in a restaurant and he was only talking to the person next to him. It would be rather odd if he 'announced' it loud enough so everyone could hear (in fact, had he done this we'd probably be here accusing him of 'gaslighting' his wife by being so openly and obviously complementary of other women in order to further perpetuate her own insecurities)

I would take it as a compliment and forget about it.

What I find weird is that you went out of your way to tell one of your friends about it later. That's how rumours start.

To summarise your thread -
"In 2 years, 2 of my friends' husbands have paid me small compliments".

What is your issue OP?
Is it your friend, trying to make you an object of speculation & possibly gossip?
I later told another friend and she said "Does he fancy you."

It's such a stupid question, with nasty undertones.
If that husband fancied you - how are you meant to know?
Your friend is trying to make you somehow culpable by implying that you know what this man's feelings are.
Is she jealous of your friendship group, & trying to make you feel uncomfortable in it?

Or maybe he said it quietly because they were in a restaurant and he was only talking to the person next to him.

Oh come ON! You can't be that naive. No one is suggesting he speak loudly, but at normal level.

Sorry OP, but I'm sure he was just being polite and wasn't trying to start an affair.

@GrannieD What is with the internalised misogyny and victim-blaming? FFS, this is supposed to be 2022. Why should she take a comment as a compliment, isn't she 'allowed' to feel uncomfortable? I bet you also say women should take wolf whistles as a 'compliment', too....

She confided in a friend because it made her feel uncomfortable. What is wrong with you, that you are trying to make her feel bad for needing to confide in someone? Give your head a wobble.

Yes, just 'being polite'. smdh How naive.

youre over thinking , if my friend relayed something so utterly banal and common place to me I’d likely look at her curiously and ask the same, as I’d wonder why the fuck else she was telling me. The true translation of the question is “do you think he fancies you”. That’s what the friend was asking.

I can’t understand why the ops running around telling friends, starting a thread on not just something so common place but something that happened so long ago.

Someone looking good for them or well doesn't mean you fancy someone!

I think you need to get out more.

It must be awkward and exhausting thinking every man who pays you a compliment wants to cheat on their partner with you. You have my sympathies.

I think you felt uncomfortable for a reason and he probably was being weird.

I don’t think we can tell his meaning from just the words. And I think men are conditioned to believe women enjoy compliments from them.

Personally, I don’t like it when men other than my husband, family or close friends compliment me. It makes me feel awkward.

Don't be so irresponsible @Pompomsfantastix
If OP goes out, a male friend might mention she's looking well, & that way lies madness ...

You are not for a minute allowed think or say someone's husband fancies you because that is indicating to all us women that you are good looking and have a big head, i could have told you that before you asked. And also if you had to ask then i would say go with your gut instinct. Women on here make me laugh

Blimey. I told 3 men (married to friends) at a recent Halloween party that they were looking fab. Never thought anything of it.

Not saying they want to cheat, just that the comment is entirely inappropriate, and not 'being polite'.

Did you whisper it though, so your friends wouldn't hear you complimenting their husbands?

That's the difference.

Are you beautiful op?

What a weird question.

I've just remembered when I was 22, my male boss at the time (probably late 30s/early 40s) telling me in separate occasions that my hair looked amazing, and I looked 'very pretty' both in the workplace. I just had a normal haircut. Would that be just being polite or not?

It is really naive to believe that all men are just being kind. There’s a reason the OP felt uncomfortable and you shouldn’t try to would embarrass women out of paying attention to our instincts. They are a vital protection mechanism.

Not all compliments are innocent any more than they are all trying it on.

I think some amount of compliment is normal, but this seems too much.

How did you feel about it?

But again, I really think the line is hard for them to navigate.

OP are you genuinely hoping that posters on here assess every complimentary (or creepy depending on which post we're looking at) interaction you can think to list as you drip feed here and there. Is this for real, a roundabout way of getting posters to answer some broader question or are you just bored?

No it isnt,unless of course if he was playing footsie under the table with op

No-one said 'all' men are kind. And it would be equally silly to think 'all' men are preying on you.