Comments from friends' husbands?

[Icanseeitinyoureyes]

Went out for a meal with a group of friends, one's husband joined after an hour. He ended up sitting next to me and he said to me, "You look really good." I later told another friend and she said "Does he fancy you."
Just being nice or inappropriate?

A couple of years ago I had a big change of hairstyle. Put it on social media and a different friend's partner (who I'm not even friends with it all) commented, "Wow, new hair, definitely a good decision.!"

Coming from females they would be entirely normal comments, but friend's partners who I hardly know, not sure?

Is there a back story to your comments, they are so extreme and to rhe extent you’re now abusing posters if they disagree with you. It doesn’t make anyone naive or gullible to believe a man and woman can be friends can be acquaintances and can give each other a compliment. It’s ok. It really is.

@Somethingsnappy I give you the same reply I gave to someone else who truly does not seem to understand the POWER DIFFERENTIAL between men, and women.....

Do you really not understand that there is a power differential in comments on physical appearance made by men, versus women? Does this honestly need to be explained? Seriously? Have a read of www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4673471-whats-the-most-wildly-inappropriate-thing-to-ever-happen-to-you?latest=1 and then you'll understand why men making comments on womens physiques have a completely different meaning than women commenting on men.

This is not a woman’s forum. I suggest you habe your post deleted.

I'm not the one being extreme here, neither am I the one abusing posters but I am responding in kind to goady and aggressive posters.

You don't seem to understand that friend or not, it is never ok for a man to comment on a woman's body. What is it, that you don't understand about that?

oh I see you - just been reading through the replies and having a giggle at yours. As you were 😂

This is not a woman’s forum.

Apparently not....

Quote your sources. Circa 90% of us disagree with you, so it’s clearly not ‘widely accepted’.

Do you honestly believe it is unacceptable when my partner tells me I'm sexy? And that my brother was out of order for telling me I looked beautiful before my graduation party? Or that on meeting a group of friends for a walk one noticed I'd dyed my hair darker and that it looks great?
What about when my Uncle noticed I was looking tired, and commented on that before asking if everything was OK?

It's not the case that it's always, or even mostly acceptable to comment on someone else's appearance but surely you can see the nuance to each situation?

Yes...yes it is a sexist thing to say. And I'm not 'hanging around' I'm responding to a question on a public forum.

If you want me to go into detail about my presence on MN (for the millionth time) then I will. I have no biological children of my own (I can't) and I now have a stepdaughter with my wife. Having no parenting experience and finding the whole thing a bit daunting, I wanted to do a good job so I turned to the internet for advice...and here I am.

As for AIBU...It's rather addictive isn't it?

Quote your source that 'circa 90% disagree with me'.

My sources? Again, sexual abuse advocates. Feminism. Social etiquette that says a man shouldn't comment on a woman's body. Common sense. Now where's yours? And the poll doesn't count btw.

Ok firstly deep breathe and calm down. I understand this is your vice. I am trying to explain to you, as are many others, this view is extreme and a minority, we feel it is acceptable. And actually very normal to pay a friend or acquaintance a compliment, in fact a nice thing to do.

do you grasp that you are not queen of the world and you cannot dictate etiquette, if society in the main disagrees with you then it is your opinion. No more no less. And I can assure you we all understand it’s your opinion. Totally. It does not make us naive or gullible that we do not agree your opinion.

is this clear?

Surely you can tell the difference between a stranger she has met only 2 times in her life, and your partner or brother? Are you really trying to be serious?

You're the one who needs to calm down.

I think you will find outside the vipers section on here, my view is actually the majority, and your view is the one that is the minority. Your view that it's only for men who are basically strangers to comment on other woman's bodies, ceased to even have baseline support in the 60s. Your belief is not supported by the majority, and is extreme.

Is that clear?

Oh my,

I haven’t attacked OP. In fact you’re the only one I can see getting aggressive on a post with no victims. Stop throwing that word around and making it meaningless to those who have been abused and traumatised. OP is just fine.

JennyNotFromTheBlock
oh I can, but I'm not the one making blanket statements about it never being acceptable to comment on a woman's appearance.
It sounds like even you don't believe that, you just don't think it's acceptable in this scenario

The voting for this thread is clearly visible. 90% of respondents think OP is BU. Therefore, 90% of respondents (the ‘us’, to which I referred) do not think a man can never compliment a woman. The opinions of dozens of women do not cease to count because they disagree with you. ‘Widely accepted’ does not mean ‘in the opinion of @JennyNotFromTheBlock’.

Provide links to feminist journals, sexual abuse advocates or books on etiquette stating that a man should never compliment a woman. You claim it’s a widely accepted, so this shouldn’t be hard to provide a source other than yourself.

I think you will find outside the vipers section on here, my view is actually the majority, and your view is the one that is the minority.

Yet, you cannot support this assertion with a single source. Funny that.

it wasn’t even comments on her body as such, it was simply you look really good, which is as bland as it comes. Comments on body would be nice boobs, Great legs or something, the rather innocuous comment made was a very bland general appearance one.

But you have said it is never OK for a man to comment on a woman's appearance, ever?

I think its wrong.
He makes private and personal statement that ,,she looks good,,
That is not right.
I agree with OP.

The hair one, I'd assume your previous haircut was doing nothing for you but truthfully, if my partner slyly told a woman she looked really good, I'd not be happy.

Yes this. only you know what your gut is saying.