To not find my wealthy retired dad's " joke" funny?

[malificent7]

I work nhs shifts. I am really chuffed not to be working over Christmas but when I told my dad he replied " neither are we!" He hasn't worked for 10 years. I wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't struggling with the cost of living etc.

I'm with you, OP. Sounds like your dad has no empathy and is a bit of a twat.

I had a colleague who retired and sent postcards to our (frontline, very draining) workplace gloating. I had no desire to be retired at that point but just thought it was mean and tasteless.

I'm closer to retirement now and very conscious that I will retire with my mortgage paid off and a decent - not amazing - pension. Today's young people don't have any guarantee of that at all.

There is a very privileged group of boomers who bought their houses cheap, had multiple cheap foreign holidays, retired (sometimes in their 50s) with good pensions and are now burning fossil fuels spending their pensions flying round the world on endless holidays.

That's not all boomers by any means - there are many living in poverty and there are also young people with plenty of disposable cash. But if you happen to be one of the ones who has the luxury of free time and money to enjoy it, you should be counting your blessings and definitely not rubbing it in the face of someone who is still slogging away and may never get that level of retirement.

And I have resolved never to say "I don't know how I managed to fit work in" after I retire! So galling to people who are trying to fit everything you are doing in your totally free time into whatever is left over after a draining full time week.

The only consolation is that if you are a long way from retirement, you are also - hopefully - a long way from old age and infirmity. The reason so many old people love cruises is that many of them are struggling with minor or major health issues. It is shocking how many friends in their 60s are seriously struggling with mobility. They might not show it to you, but there is a reason why we generally don't work full time in demanding jobs after a certain age. So he can gloat all he likes but you actually have youth and hopefully a long healthy life ahead of you and he will be very aware that he's never getting that back again.

I’m not sure I would even notice a comment/joke like this unless I really hated my job. It sounds like it is more about your work than your dad.

Why do people always say things would be outing? This site has 8 million unique visits a month. What could possibly be so unique, unless you're a celebrity?

I think it can grate a bit .some (not all)retired folk seem a bit smug .like they have worked "all their lives and can take it easy ,all well and good ,but for those of us hard at it and jobs with lower pay its a bit galling I think.lots of them had jobs for life free university education, and in many cases got promoted fairly easily. I would try to rise above it .you are young and have many more years of life god willing 🙏 89

It sounds like you’re finding your life tough and I’m sorry for you about that. But there’s no point in being resentful that other people have it easier. Because that’s what this is, not that your dad made a joke, but that he has an easier life than you. He’s your dad! Try to be happy for him and grateful that, unlike a lot of elderly parents, he’s not having to give you the extra burden of looking after him as well as yourself.

It is probably his clumsy way of dealing with being nearer the end of life than he'd like. I'd put it in the 'ignore' category.

It gets draining if you can't discuss your genuine work/money issues but he's unlikely to change now.

im struggling to see the issue if someone the same age as me didn’t work and cracked this joke I’d be pissed off
but he’s retired I don’t begrudge anyone a retirement

My dad would say the same, he’s trying to be funny….trying being the optimum word here

ok , it wasnt funny, nor was it very caring.

Tbf, a huge proportion of people I know his age would say all of these things, and more !

I think you sound incredibly sensitive and obviously it's very sad that your mum died and didn't reach retirement. But my DH is retired and I'm not ... it's the sort of comment we make to each other .. he's just packing for a golf trip away and made a similar joke - I just smiled and laughed as it's raining .

It’s a shit joke. You know he isn’t working, so there was no need for him to say (yet again), that he wasn’t when you were pleased you had Christmas off.

I do feel your pain. My parents worked 33 years (sometimes hard, sometimes not) and have just completed their 38th year of fully funded retirement full of copious amounts of luxury international travel. They started being retired aged 55 on a full pension.

The reward is disproportionate to the effort put in, and quite different from my own retirement prospects. I know it's a MN mantra that they all have a well deserved retirement but some don't!!

They try to pull this "oh you should just give up working" gleeful jokey crap too. Or once, when I was talking about a complex work/family juggle I had to do, my father said in all seriousness "I know what you mean. I've only got three weeks between when we get back from India and when I have to pack again to go on that cruise."

I fully opened this thread thinking it was going to be your dad laughing at people using food banks, or being evicted due to not paying their rent or something.

Get a grip OP.

If you won't say any more due to potential outing then how can anyone say whether it's unreasonable or not?! From what you've said, it's just a lame, mildly offensive dad joke like so many dads make all the time.

28th. Typo sorry

I assume he's done his fair share of work before he retired?

It sounds like something my dad would have said. I would roll my eyes and say ‘aye like every other day you idle layabout!’

FIL still does this. He's 82 and been retired 28 years. Makes jokes about his free prescriptions, bus pass and winter fuel allowance too that they don't need

Does he or would he help you out financially?

I’m with you, but I can assure nobody who has not routinely expected to be working over Christmas year in year out would understand how big it is to finally have that day free and how stupid your dad’s joke is.

Enjoy Christmas Day, with the people you love and who have the tact not to rain on your parade.

Really? You think this is humour? Just sounds like a wind up to me.

I'm really tired of people on here telling other people to get a grip. It's become an epidemic on here. There was a time you'd get a bit of sympathy sometimes. Now it's all: I've got it worse, I was perfect in this situation, get a grip. It's so depressing for people looking for a bit of support.

OP I completely get it. I hope you have a fabulous Christmas and I'm delighted for you that you'll have a break.

It’s not funny but it is a fairly light hearted comment and absolutely nothing to take offence at. It’s quite normal to have a retired father whilst still of working age. I remember my own father being very happy and enjoying his retirement party, I didn’t for a moment think he couldn’t enjoy his retirement because I still had to go to work.

I think you are probably being a little bit sensitive (also sounds like a joke my Dad would make), but I do understand how totally burnt out nhs staff are and thats probably why you are feeling abit sensitive about it. This might be off point but I do think there can be a lack of appreciation of the level of stress and pressure felt by keyworkers over the last few years. My MIL (who is really lovely) made a comment that ‘she really enjoyed Lockdown and it wasn’t that bad’ when me and my Husband are both keyworkers and juggled it working as normal with two young children. Perhaps the older generation/retired don’t quite realise the level of pressure being felt by the working age group at the moment.