To not let DD have the day off school tomorrow

[yafifo2462]

I'm prepared to be told I'm BU/insensitive but I'm not sure.

DD is 15, and she's been with her boyfriend since earlier this year. He was diagnosed with cancer not long after but DD has been supportive and has been seeing him as much as possible, messaging him etc which I have no issues with.

He went into hospital a few weeks ago for an op, he's stayed in longer than expected so DD hasn't seen him for a while as he didn't want her to see him whilst he was very unwell. He's now well enough to go home and he's due to tomorrow, I've had a message from his mum asking if DD can go and see him as he wants to see her. The issue is school, DD has said she wants to see him also but can't as she has an after school club so won't get home until late and when she can finally see him she won't be able to for long due to her needing to come home ready for school the next day. I've suggested the weekend but she's said she wants to see him tomorrow and she'll only miss a day of school and if she doesn't he'll be upset etc.

Now I'm second guessing myself and I'm wondering if I am BU and if I should just let her have the day off?

Can't she go to school but miss the after-school club?

Can’t she just miss her after school club? But no, she shouldn’t have the day off.

Cant she just miss the after school club and go to his after school instead?

If not, then I'd let her skip school and go to his. My friend lost his girlfriend to cancer back when we were in high school. He missed the occasional day to visit her for big things like coming out of hospital after a long stay. If he hadn't, he'd have regretted missing those small happy moments for a very long time.

Can she get to her boyfriends after school herself instead of club?

Why can’t she miss after school club?

One of my mates died of cancer in Year 11.
YABU. You don't know whether he wants to see her to tell her some bad news. The weekend is a long time away.

I’d let her miss the club, not school itself

I think she should go! He's got cancer ffs! Not like she's skipping school to skive off down macdonalds!!

At the very least she can skip get after school club!

She misses the club and sees him then. She also sees him at the weekend when she can have a longer visit.

Is she going to miss her club after school too. In these circumstances I would let her go see her boyfriend really.

I'd let her go OP

Good god! He’s got cancer and is coming out of hospital after an operation! In the great scheme of things is it really going to affect her life by missing a day off school? More so than affecting her relationship with you by remembering that you said No as evidence that you don’t really place any importance on her feelings?

If there’s a backstory that she makes excuses to miss a lot of school or she’s got an important exam, then I might understand your reluctance but even then YABVERYU!! She’s hardly pulling a sickie to go shopping. I’d do all I could to make sure she was there to greet him if it was my DD and he wanted to see her. Even if it meant taking time out of work and driving her myself.

Let her go. Goodness knows it's frightening for him and frightening for her. It's hardly an everyday occurrence.

Did the bf go to the same school as your dd? Do they know about his illness and their relationship? If so, I would be open about her taking the day to visit him. They're pastoral care extends to both children.

This. I lost a friend in high school and my mum was very unsympathetic. I’ve never forgotten it.
I’d definitely let her go.

I would absolutely let her have the day off school to go and see her boyfriend who has cancer and has just come out of hospital.

Let her go.

This is a time I would think school is least important.

it’s one of those cases where you don’t want to imagine what happens if she doesn’t visit

Why not? Surely you would take the day off if it was your partner or husband?

No point in saying that this isnt the same. It is to them. To you, it's a high school boyfriend and maybe a bit silly. To them, it's the most commetted relationships they've got experience of and they're going through a traumatic time with one fighting cancer.

Just because they're kids, doesnt mean these things arent valid. We shouldn't treat them like less important because they're young. To her, this is the biggest thing going on. With adult eyes, it's a high school boyfriend but she doesnt have adult eyes. All she has is her experience and her feelings and they are important and, for the sake of her development and relationship with her mum, she needs to support her and help her through this. If this was 2 adults, then you'd absolutely take the day off work. Probably more than a day.

Tbh Covid is rife in our school atm. His health is going to be vulnerable. I'd be worried about that too.

I'd let her go and see him. Remember how painful teenage love is.

Let her go and see him! They are human beings with feelings and emotions . I’d let her go .

I'd let her miss the after-school club but not school itself.

Fwiw while it might be the most committed relationship she's experienced so far it certainly isn't the same as being married or a long term adult partner. AND in those cases there is also a recognition that people have other commitments (like work, education etc) that mean they can't take a day off for those types events.

In my job I could take a day off to take my DH or DC to hospital but not to welcome them home when there's someone else there to look after them. And yes that does include for serious, long term illness.

YWBVU to not let her go. It's one day of school ffs.

Good God! There are more important things than missing a day of school!! What sort of message does it give if you don't let her go?!

Also, if she's 15, she's very close to adulthood and should be trusted to make some decisions for herself (this is a relatively small one). Think of all the things she will be legally allowed to do, and the decisions she'll have to make, over the next few years...

It isnt the same TO AN ADULT. It is to them.

If she wanted to drop out of school to sit and hold his hand, then you step in and parent and explain that it isnt worth that etc. But to take one day off school? This is not the moment to teach her prioritising school. This is the moment to realise that for her, this is big teenage love and she needs to be understood and treated with compassion.

It is one day of school. For her cancer fighting boyfriend who is coming home from hospital. Do you remember being a teenager? Stop looking at it through adult eyes and realise what a big moment this is in her life at her age.