Step mum heartbreak

[Slg84]

My partner bought tickets for the polar express for him and his daughter (my step daughter) but didn't include me as it was too expensive. I'm a very active part of her life and this has hurt me deeply, am I wrong????

You are dads girlfriend

We have been together for 4 years, I've known her since she was 2, I do school runs, look after her when he's busy, plan stuff for us all to do etc

I would stop doing ALL of this. His child, his problem.

You need to explain a bit more OP.

Yes he should have discussed this with you. That's just courtesy one would expect from a partner. Is the X going along?

Do you work? what's the child care arrangement? You seem to be doing the heavy lifting. Can you move out if push came to shove?

Only you know if it's a silly inconsiderate way he's gone about it but still is very committed to you and grateful for what you do for him and his dd.

But you are her stepmother. There's nothing wrong with that. It sounds as if you have a good relationship, and she has a good relationship with her father. Getting jealous like this will only spoil something that is working well. I'm a long-term stepmother, and my (sadly now late) DH always did some things on his own with his DD - I encouraged it, it was good for all of us.

Is it the expense, or is it the time thing in terms of when he bought them? You mentioned both.

You may have known her since she was two but he's been there the entire time. He is allowed time with just him and his daughter, especially if you two were planning on bringing in a baby, because she needs to feel like she won't be replaced.

And you are her step mother. There's nothing wrong with that word. I call my step dad, my step dad to others, and by his name to his face. I do not even call my biological father dad, and I barely say his name because I choose not to see him. My step dad is in every meaningful way my dad. It means he chose to be a part of my life.

There are either some major unresolved issues that you should either address, or seek therapy for, or you are leaving a lot out.

And if there are issues you haven't addressed, get them resolved before adding pregnancy and a newborn to this situation. They make everything harder, stress every weak spot in a relationship.

You are definitely being extremely unreasonable.

YABU as Polar Express was an awful movie and I can't see how putting it on stage makes it any better ( assuming I have that right - not in UK).

@marvellousmaple it's a Santa train experience in Wensleydale yorkshiredalesthepolarexpressride.com/the-experience

If it was solely due to cost I’d take a hard look at him.

You do childcare and school pick ups to save him money? How much cleaning and cooking etc do you do? Do you want this set up? You are happy during the falling in love phase but what about the long term? When you are having sleepless nights etc. Does he get you to help to reduce his maintenance cost?

too many men get a new women to do all the child care and drudgery when they split with their ex.

Count how much you’ve saved him in childcare vs the ticket cost.

If it was for father daughter time then fair enough. You know whether he was being tight or thoughtful.

AH, I see. Sorry. I don't know all the UK stuff so often have a guess or have to ask. ( Personally I hated that movie that everyone else loves). Hope you get it all sorted.Merry xmas!

I recently took my dd2 to see Frozen the musical. It was expensive and I only booked 2 tickets. We are a family of 5 but ds isn't interested and dd2 too young. I did ask my dh if he wanted to go with her instead though. I think that's the part that might have upset you. That he didn't really discuss it beforehand so you could buy your own ticket? Doesn't have to be a big issue, you just need to mention that you would have liked the option to come too and would have paid for your ticket. It would have been a shame had he cancelled or not booked it because he couldn't afford tickets for you all.

Your in a slightly different situation being a step parent but you have to realise that whilst his child gets on well with you they will want and deserve to have one on one time with their actual parent. Hell even when both of you are the biological parents if you have kids of different ages and interests you can't do everything as a family anyway. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it is.

I don’t think OP has any issue with being called step-mother.

I think her issue is her partner has conferred that title, expects her to ‘do school runs, look after her when he's busy, plan stuff for us all to do’ and yet when it comes to the nice stuff like data out, OP is left out.

OP, you need to assess just how much he is using you.

*days out

@ElectronicAd7737 The problem is he didn't tell her about it at all, then he last minute tells her, and says he didn't get her a ticket because it was too expensive. He never said it was for 1 on 1 time. Now she's gotta sit all alone, or scramble to make some plans. I think she's upset because he expects her to do all this parent stuff, and then doesn't even treat her like a fiance should. I would be upset in this circumstance. She also says she helps plan special stuff for just her fiance and SDto do together too, so it shouldn't be that.