Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

I used to have a holiday let. Honestly I could tell you who stayed when I cleaned after them most of the time. Kids are messy. They leave fingerprints and sticky patches in odd places. It took me about 4 hours to clean it every week. After a two month stay I’d expect it to be a solid two day 16 hour clean as you wouldn’t of done deep cleaning just surface stuff.

Ingrained food in the sofa sounds like a nightmare though. Too late now but a protective throw if you’re going to eat on the sofa. Just a couple of cheap fleece blankets that wash and dry easily. My kids are messy eaters with things like popcorn on the sofa so I’d always cover them.

Just a thought, did you have to pay a holding /damage deposit and has it been returned or does the owner still have some retained money from your stay?
This fuss may be a ruse not to return all your deposit.

You sound pretty tired and overwhelmed tbh so cut yourself some slack. Perhaps consider getting some help in while you're wfh with the kids about given it sounds like you've had a lot on your plate just recently. If you feel really badly about it send the owner a nominal sum for a couple of hours extra cleaning. 💐

It sounds to me like you don't have children or if you do, it was a long time ago and you've forgotten what it's like - also, what does it matter where the father is in this? Rude.

Hang on.. you stayed for 2 months and didn't Hoover because you weren't left one? Or have a read that incorrectly?

She bought a hoover…

How on earth does it sound as if @ComtesseDeSpair doesn't have children?
Most of us have children, we know we have to clean up their mess when they're on other people's property.
Don't you?

I bought a hoover ( cheep not great one from Asda)

It's important to teach children to respect other peoples property as soon as possible.

I'm sure there was something you could have thrown over the sofa that would have caught anything the children dropped while they was eating

My bet is even if you had professional cleaners in she’d have moaned. It’s sadly not uncommon for some landlords to seek out the tiniest things!
Was she specific? If it went to court and if it’s the normal wear and tear of small children she’d be thrown out. You are not expected to return a property in show room condition.

You’re not doing enough. You say you’re always telling off and nagging but that doesn’t work. They’re not listening.

Them destroying stuff in the living room and you watching and shouting over “no don’t do that” or “I’ve told you not to throw” etc isn’t effective. It does not work and you’re not putting in any effort. That’s why it keeps happening.

When they are doing something wrong you need to go over to them, get down to their level and talk to them.

You say you’re trying your best but you’re not. You’re just telling them off and thinking that’s enough. It isn’t. And they’ve got to the ages they are still behaving like this because you’ve allowed it.

Mine are 10 and 13. We eat at the kitchen table but still have to hoover at the end of each day if we’ve eaten several times or every few days. One is worse than the other. If the holiday let person needed it cleaning though they should have provided the necessary equipment to do so.

Everyone’s cleaning standards differ and I’m not that good myself compare to others. I think I’ve done a good job and then family comment. They don’t visit that often though so it doesn’t bother me.

4&7 are still quite young but a good age to start getting them to tidy as they go.

I definitely have a no sofa rule for eating most of the time. Every now and then it’s allowed if we are sharing pizza over tv. But the crumbs still get everywhere. Mine are at the age where they take food up to their rooms now - mostly snacks as I don’t allow actual meals up there.

What does she expect when there's no vacuum, and no table and chairs to eat at.

This! I'm sorry you're getting so much flak from MN's finest "better housewife than you" posters, OP. You cleaned the place, it looked OK and undamaged, that should be fine. She's either trying to wriggle out of returning your deposit or has no experience with tenants. Forget it.

Wishing you all happiness in your new home 🙂

You keep saying 'I tried but maybe I'm not good at cleaning' in the same way you say 'my kids are messy and destructive'. It's defeatist.

You learn to be effective at cleaning, to do it properly and throughly. You teach your childen to eat tidily, at a table, and to clean up after themselves if there's any mess. If they destroy something, ensure there are consequences which help them learn to take more care of things.

Yes, life is stressful and busy, but you sound a bit half-hearted in your efforts and follow-through. Ultimately, you are creating extra work and hassle for yourself.

I stayed with a relative as well and she complained about their messy eating

Have you actually taught them table manners?

I was mortified when I used to cook dinner for a (now) ex-boyfriends children, aged 5 and 7. They didn't even know how to use a knife and fork. Because he'd never taught them. And if they didn't like the food, they would pick it up and throw it on the floor.

Teach them.

What does she expect when there's no vacuum, and no table and chairs to eat at.

Book a more suitable place for two young children? If you can afford rented accommodation for two months you can shop around.

What small damages specifically ?Surely that will tell you what you didn’t clean/sort?

I'm the owner of a holiday let and I suspect @WonderingWanda has it about right - because most holiday lets are cleaned at least once a week it's unusual to see a home in the sort of condition that a long term let produces.

I mean, I've had people sh*t the bed, vomit behind sofas and burn my garden furniture - all the extreme stuff - but ground in dirt, hand prints, dings in paintwork, knocked about kitchen etc etc would generally get cleaned or tidied up as we go.

You also have to bear in mind that for a holiday let to go well you have to be massively anal about it being clean and well presented. Probably more so than a longer term rental. So most holiday let owners have very high standards.

Anyway I think it's a bit naive of the owner not to realise her long term rent would result in more wear and tear, but don't beat yourself up @nogg, it doesn't sound any worse than any house rented by a normal family!

It’s nothing to do with “better housewife than you” and everything to do with not letting your children run wild and be destructive and then not properly cleaning up after them.

Didn't realise there were so many karens walking amongst us!! 🙄 Jeez!! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate Hun. Kids are messy. Fact of life unfortunately, grubby little buggers!! It must be tough with 2 little ones and trying to work from home. I WFH and I have a son with severe autism who is VERY destructive, eats with his hands & is a little ragamuffin quite honestly. I struggle to keep on top of everything and by the end of the day, I'm so shattered, I can't face anything other than my bed. Dont worry. Your doing your best mumma!! 💪

Aka… you rock your messy shit tip of a house because it makes me feel better about my own crap hole. 😂

OP you sound very down, are you ok?

you paid £5k for two months - the landlord can afford a cleaner, and if they can’t then that’s not your problem they’ve spaffed all their money up the wall on a property they can’t afford to rent out. There are costs associated with renting out property. This is one of them.

Landlords are cunts. Delete the message and forget it.

But teach your kids to be tidy to make your life easier!

Don't feel bad. On mumsnet everyone cleans their house from top to bottom every day, but that's not real life. Mess happens around kids.

Eating at the table will help with that. Yes teaching them is hard work but it will pay off.

Make sure there's something under their plate to catch any bits - our son has poor fine motor skills due to disability so he has a big (cheap) tray under his plate which helps catch bits. We also check his lap before he gets up from the table as bits land on there.

If it was a holiday let, I'd expect there to be basic cleaning tools - so if tjere was no vacuum cleaner then how did the owner expect you to keep it clean?

she checked it with me before we left so it wasn’t really trashed on surface.
when she started cleaning she decided it want that clean.

I’ve had the same thing and am currently in a horrendous battle as my ex landlord wants me to pay a fortune as he says I didn’t clean properly. We did a check before I left and he seemed happy, but then seems to have started to look in every last corner and all kinds of places and I had missed a few (cleaning under the dishwasher, for example). I’ve concluded he’s a grasping, unpleasant man, which I hadn’t suspected before.

Don’t put yourself down over this. You probably did an adequate job that anyone reasonable would have accepted. Not all landlords are reasonable.

i dont think ther eis anythign you can do now
just move on from it