Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

She should be deep cleaning before next tenants anyway. She shoukd provide a table at which to eat and she should provide a hoover. Do you wash kids hands after eating? Maybe it’s greasy handprints? F her, a hoover is a basic!

If there was no hoover then she can't expect it to be cleaned well.

The rental will be old news very soon. Not ideal but what’s done is done. If you have a rented property trashed it’s soul destroying but you have to get passed that as a landlord.

Moving forward you need to change things in a more positive way. Shouting and telling them not to break things isn’t the answer. It becomes a vicious cycle and they are too old to be excused toddler behaviours.

Do you sit and eat with them, teaching them good table manners? Are they involved in clearing up? Can they use cutlery properly and if not, they need to learn. Invest in child sized cutlery to start with. Use napkins or kitchen roll. Reward good behaviour at the table. Reward not being messy eaters - just a nice comment. Star chart if they’re really dreadful eaters. Don’t laugh at table silliness.

How much do you do with them? When are they being destructive? You can call it heavy handed but things like throwing things around indoors and jumping on furniture are destructive behaviours. What is getting broken? - a Lego model happens bed frames and towel rails shouldn’t. Most destructive behaviour and play fighting are symptoms of boredom. Are they having structured activities outside school, a routine, reading, playing in the park, craft activities, helping with jobs etc? It requires effort but is easier in the long run than letting them get away with blue murder now.

Tou get an end of term professional cleaning service, otherwise a final clean to professional standards is deducted from your deposit. Also any damage that is more than reasonably expected wear and tear.

It really doesn't sound like there was anything wrong with your cleaning. Some people like their house spotless but most people expect houses to look lived in. A sock stuck under the bed really isn't the end of the world.

I can't stand artificial fragrances either though.

That's why I find staying at holiday lets/short term rentals with kids/dogs incredibly stressful. We used to own a cottage that we let for parts of the year, so it had to be immaculate for paying guests. It was a nightmare staying there myself with my kids, as I freaked they would break/stain something and I couldn't replace/professionally clean it in time for next guests. So I covered the sofa with blankets, hovered over them with a cloth to wipe hands as greasy fingerprints are a nightmare to clean from walls, enforced no shoes indoors, banned them to jump on sofas/beds/have pillow fights, etc. So not a relaxing holiday. Still always a bit on edge when we stay at rented holiday accommodation now.

It sounds as if the owner wasn't anticipating that there would be a difference between a week or two's usage as a holiday home when people tend to eat out and don't spend a lot of time in the property and somewhere being used as the main residence.

Don't beat yourself up too much. There should have been a vacuum cleaner and a table to eat at.

If your DCs are young- think they are- then sometimes there is a bit of a nappy/ young child smell. Again owner wouldn't be used to that due to shorter holiday lets.

Moving forwards, as you and a relative recognise your kids are messy eaters, and tho’ kids will always still be kids they can learn manners and skills that make them less so.

We used to have fun competitions a bit in the style of Strictly. I used to set a good manners challenge each week for them to practice, and judge on Sundays. And DH used to take part as a contestant, allowing the kids to judge his performance alongside theirs. Often he would be deliberately bad, etc

It has to be fun. We did silly accents and personas. But we did cover holding cutlery properly. Using it effectively and neatly. Putting glasses down carefully. Eating with mouth closed. Etc. A skill per week.

No one developed a complex. Mealtimes were so much more enjoyable when not resembling a farmyard. Helping our kids develop skills, including using motor skills, and socialisation, is part of our (never ending) parenting job.

Don’t nag, just have consistent rules.

@SantanaBinLorry
Whether with children or without the person renting should make sure the property is left as it was at the start. It's bad manners to not clean up and children need to be taught how to eat properly without making a mess, especially over 3 years of age and taught how to use a knife and fork of a suitable size.
If two people have mentioned the OP leaving a mess then it must have been a mess, not just a few bits of paper.

@SuperCamp
Best comment.

My siblings put a plastic drop cloth under the baby (at meal times) when they visit my parents. It keeps the carpet clean, and is easy to clear up.

Your kids are not babies, but if they're messy... insist they sit down on a drop cloth (or cover the floor/lounge with it) when you're at hotels/air BNBs or other people's places.

It shouldn't be too burdensome to carry around a drop cloth in your bag. If it saves you from difficult cleaning (carpets and couches), then it's worth it, isn't it? :p

@SuperCamp... I like that table manners competition idea! Very cute, fun, and I can imagine it has a high chance of succeeding. Well done to you and hubs. :)

Regardless of your kids behaviour which you will just have to do your best about re cleaning after them, the lady from let sounds very unprofessional if she didn’t provide a vacuum cleaner and a dining table! She has presumably taken money from you. I’m sure those items are basic essential provision. I don’t think you are required to leave a rental with full professional cleaning standard that landlord leaves.

But wouldn’t you think it’s unreasonable to not provide a table or vacuum cleaner in a let?

Conversely wouldn’t you think it’s unreasonable to take money for rent on a property without provision of a dining table and vacuum cleaner?

If you had stated in the contract that they were provided and then not to provide them - yes.

if the op had viewed the property and she’d seen a dining table that was later removed - yes.

otherwise- no

Any rental including holiday let should provide hoover. The difficulties you had cleaning are totally about this. Stop chastising yourself you sound as though you’re having a difficult time and don’t need bossy cleaning advice.

Totally this

OK. But then the owner has to accept imperfect cleaning . I mean trying to clean a sofa with all its crevices with just a dustpan and brush!

True, it's a pain in a holiday let when you make a mess and the owner has provided no way of cleaning it up.

Personally I wouldn’t but my cottage is a bit spiffy. I have stayed somewhere with no dining table/ hoover but these places are set up to be very short term.

Often the cleaner brings their own hoover, it may very well be they are bitching at the owner as they are expected to bring it up to standard in the usual cleaning time. As I said upthread I’d allocate time for a deep clean given the duration
of the let.

That depends on whether it was a fully furnished flat then it should have had a working vacuum and a dining table of some kind

This illuminates why so many rental properties don’t want children.
I have experience of a great deal of damage to property and furnishings done by children, I clean holiday and rental car properties and have seen first hand how some children are allowed to get away with unacceptable behaviour, crayons on the walls for example, paint on soft furnishings, goo stuff dried out in cushions and much more. If I had a lovely furnished house for rental I would be very reluctant to allow young children.