Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

Single parent . Due to abusive ex no contact.
the sofa was leather so I thought had wiped it down ok.
obviously I didn’t do a great job.
I do feel awful. It was a pretty difficult but I couldn’t get anywhere more suitable to let at the time .

If your relative is also complaining, you must know that the landlord is not being unreasonable.

So what did your destructive kid, which you repeatedly pointed out is destructive, brak?

Also ha at the person doing "well they shouldn't allow kids then". That's why many lets don't allow kids or pets and it always causes wailing

I wouldn’t have let children who I know are messy eaters have meals on a sofa. You know what they’re like, I’d have bought a couple of cheap chairs or sat them on a towel or sheet on the floor.

It’s done now so apologise and work on their behaviour in your new home so things become easier in future.

This woman clearly isn’t being unreasonable as your relative had the same complaint.

I had a short-term rental when I was 18/19 with a couple of mates. We did what typical 18/19yo males do, we had people over, had parties and generally acted like idiots.

Needless to say we created a mess, there were spillages on the carpets, some minor damage to surfaces etc. Totally unacceptable (this was over 20 years ago so forgive me).

Even with my immature brain I knew we couldn't leave the place in the state it was in so spent a ton of time (and a fair chunk of money) making sure it was in as good order as we found it (probably better as we did some painting and replaced a couple of older carpets).

I couldn't say to the landlord "Sorry we left your house in a mess but, you know, drunk, idiotic teenage boys can be messy and destructive!".

maybe this is the wake up call for me to be on top of the messy eating all the time.

food mess would be cleaned after every meal? Sitting at a table should help, but if there is mess, it’s up to you (or them!) to clean it, in a rental.

I suspect there was food under the cushions or down the back. Sounds like the property wasn't really set up for a family eg no table or vacuum

You keep saying how embarrassed you are. You need to let that go, it's over now so you need to move on. Children eating on a sofa will tend to generate mess, especially a 4 year old. Some kids are messier than others and just a bit harder/rougher on things than others, one of mine still is even at aged 11 despite years of reminding.
I'd say don't focus on it anymore, just try to help your children to be less messy and always eat at the table!

I’m not trying to let myself off. I feel really upset and embarrassed.
I didn’t think it was too bad but obviously I am wrong.
i guess I will just keep trying to improve the situation. I don’t think I’ll stay with anyone again for a while. Too much stress and guilt of anything is broken etc

Just apologise. Did you pay a deposit?

This thread has really weird vibes now...

What kind of mess are you taking when they are eating?
What foods are they eating on the sofa?

maybe this is the wake up call for me to be on top of the messy eating all the time.
Well, yes . Why would you think you didn't have to??

Have you paid her for the damage/proper clean?

It's not rude if it's true.
My kids are messy too, and I'm not a very clean person. I'll regularly clean up and think I've done an OK job and someone will point out to me how poorly I've done.
I dont assume they're being rude tho, and I don't feel guilty, just exasperated with myself.
I'm getting better as I get older, but I'm still not great, that's on me...
Not a massive deal tbh. I don't take it personally. In your situation I'd pay for cleaners if I could afford it.

Just crumbs odd spillage. I bought trays and they ate of side tables . I tried to wipe down all around sofa and down sides and pulled out the sofa to clean underneath.

You keep saying you “think/thought” you cleaned it “OK” which sounds like you gave it the kind of busy-person day-to-day wipe down you’d do at home – no crumbs on the sofa seats but plenty between them, type of thing. For a holiday let if you’re supposed to do the clean you really need to treat it as cleaning to the level of “no one has ever been here”.

If you are working ft and have kids at home whilst you do it, then maybe they just need more supervision? After school club/childminder etc.

Tbh your kids need to pick up after themselves. Especially if other people have noticed their mess.

Maybe you need to be stricter? My 3yo DS knows if he makes a mess he clears it up or asks for help. Rubbish in the bin and he wipes table after he has eaten. It's learnt behaviour. I don't make him do it but he has seen me do it.

Just remind them that they're old enough to pick up their mess.

Op, I was just going to post and say that for now just concentrate on your new home and sorting out the children's messy eating.

What kind of cutlery do the children use? Is it a good size for them or does it actually cause them to make a mess because its unwieldy? Honestly, 3 months from now with some consistency you’ll have your eldest eating really nicely and your wee one not far behind them.

To be blunt, yes, you need to teach your children better. They need to eat without ridiculous mess and not be destructive. You've had the feedback from two sources, so act on it. It's not normal or okay for a 4 yr old to regularly break things. (All assuming NT.)

What did they damage and what was the clean routine you did when you moved out?

Why didn’t you already own a Hoover?

I think you are confusing messy and dirty/stains

mess is one thing and easily cleared away

eating on a sofa for two months would be an absolute no go. You could have put a throw over it? Or sat the children on the floor with a blanket

some people are blind to muck

children are not heavy handed but they can be destructive, ie slamming doors, jumping off furniture, hanging off door handles etc

Is this feedback from the end of the tenancy? So the issue isn't how much mess the kids make it's about how badly the cleaning was done?

So that's your choice - you clean properly or you don't and deal with the feedback 🤷‍♀️

I agree with this.
We can't change what the Airbnb owner has said and it sounds like she's likely not being unreasonable