Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

Most children are, but the mess needs to be cleaned up?!

@Gumreduction and we all know landlords hold the deposit for the slightest reason….so it can’t have been that bad.

Yes, but none of these things excuse leaving a rental property in a poor state.

Unless you've lived a day in the shoes of a private landlord then you won't understand the distress caused walking into your filthy/damaged property after a tenant has left.

(not a landlord by the way, just thought I'd clarify as I know they're considered the devil-reincarnate by many on MN)

@Johnnysgirl Your posts have been some of the worst on here. Are you a single Mum, who works full time with 2 young children? I’m sure she cleans up the mess. Just might not to be up to everyone’s standards.

Am I all of those.

and if I post on AIBU about a LL saying I’ve left a property messy - then what exactly am I hoping for? Support? Well she got that from some. And others have pointed out that what’s she’s describing sounds as though the LL has a point

no abuse no name calling just not “there there op, you did nothing wrong and the LL is absolutely in the wrong”

@OP83 I am a landlord! And I have sympathy for the OP. I doubt very much she trashed it as much as some on here have suggested. So yes I have lived many days in the life of a private landlord.That’s what deposits are for (which the OPs wasn’t taken).

IMO the only way to avoid messy eaters is to model table manners and correct them (nicely) all the time. Give them age-appropriate utensils and show them how to use them. Chat at the table (no gadgets) and just keep going. There'll still be some mess (clear it up as soon as you've finished) but it will get better.

My posts have been the worst? Seriously?

Frankky, I highly doubt the mentioned damage was "few crumbs" on a leather sofa... But everyone will argue over some spills and crumbs on the sofa because spfa has been mentioned so many times one cannot doubt there is a sofa and there probably is nothing but sofa which could get dameged because it must be sofa with some crumbs...

Kids only eat at the table for meals. Wipe clean Mat on the table and on the floor under it. Separate wipe clean Mat in the living room for snacks in front of tv . They only eat sat nicely on the mat. Drives me mad when kids wander round houses with for example a bag of crisps. If they really need the snack because of hunger they’ll sit and eat it

also all drinks in sports bottles no open cups

This one @Johnnysgirl

’Your posts have a suggestion that you imagine burdens above and beyond everyone else’s are being place upon you’
Is particularly unkind.

Well yes, unless you are a single Mum with an abusive ex, who works full time then I would say OP has more on her plate than most on here. You know, when the cleaner normally hoovers behind the sofa and they have some
support and help from a husband.

Anyway this thread really is Mumsnet at its actual worst. And that’s saying something.

I get that you're struggling but it must have been pretty bad for the host to complain about bad smells and mess.

It's done now but I do feel sorry for the hosts having a mess to clean.

Your posts are quite self flagellating, tbh. Cleaning up the mess after children have eaten until they're old enough to do it themselves is something everyone does, no matter what their other responsibilities?
It's tiring having to cook and clean up after meals day after day, particularly when you work full time but it's just life, no one is immune.
Your posts have a suggestion that you imagine burdens above and beyond everyone else's are being placed upon you?

I think some people genuinely do find getting things really clean more difficult than others. I struggle with it. My DF wipes down kitchen tops and they look spotless. I try and do the same thing and there's always a bit missed, some crumbs that fall down a gap and I can't get them out... Admittedly my kitchen is ancient and needs replacing, but I can spend 6 hours cleaning it and feel depressed at the result... And the whole house is a bit like that really, no matter what I do, how long I spend doing it, it never seems clean to a high standard.

“I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.”

Endless verbal ‘nagging’ is pointless. You model. You coach. You demonstrate. You exemplify the values you want them to adopt.

YABU to think that just because you’ve written off your responsibility in this by saying that your kids are naturally ‘messy’ and ‘destructive’ that someone else, and their property, should bear the cost of that.

How on earth was the LL to know all this?

And this LL sounds very reasonable as no mention of deposit not returned

Surely it isn't the responsibility of a landlord in a rental property to provide a hoover?

Short term let? Generally yes

@Gumreduction No the landlord doesn’t know this. But we all do. The OP has said she is struggling.

It would have been more professional for the landlord to take some deposit for the cleaning rather than send the text that she did. If she was that unhappy that is what deposits are for.

Some tenants will sacrifice the deposit so they don’t have to clean. It happens - it’s a business. I wouldn’t dream of sending arsey texts. I’d keep it to a business transaction - I’d keep the deposit, very clearly stating why with all receipts for a professional clean and the cost of repairing any damage. As a landlord I wouldn’t get in to a text argument with a tenant.

So we are seeing it from the perspective of the LL too. Who doesn’t know

Pretty sure the op would prefer a text rather than losing money

What mess was she actually complaining about? You've hoovered and cleaned. It's only 2 months, how mad could it have been? Have they stained the sofa and carpet? Drawn on walls? What could it smell of?

However much mess you make you leave any property as you found it
It's basic courtesy

Yes but it tells me it can’t have been that bad if she got her deposit back. The OP has not said anything specific was damaged. So it’s not quite 100% up to the cleaning standards the landlady wants.

No reason to lay in to a poster who is a single Mum, who works full time and who is struggling, because her cleaning is 80% and not 100%.