Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

somewhat different to your post.

out of interest, do you have children? How old? Is it every meal?

no judgement as genuinely don’t give a hoot either way. Just interested as I’m the opposite. Always always eat at table, even on own. Other than maybe… a couple of times on a Friday when bit of a treat to dump loads of nibbles on coffee table for us all to eat whilst watching froth

In a similar situation what I did was buy a cheap set of plastic kiddies table and chairs from pound stretcher, and used a plastic tablecloth / splash mat underneath (in fact, I still used the splash mat under the high chair or table once we had that). It was then easier to wipe up spills or shake crumbs outside and no need to hoover.
In the next house, with older kids eating on the sofa (primary age by this point, sofa was delivered before the dining set) I covered the whole sofa with an old blanket before eating to avoid staining the fabric.
One other thought though OP - if the 4yo is being destructive, are they getting enough outdoor physical play? That might help.

What does being busy have to do with anything?? Why do i have to sit at a table if i like sitting on the sofa? You are the one not making sense....i dont think my post was that hard to grasp

When leaving a rental it is usual to have the property professionally cleaned. I'm not that tidy and neither are my children but as I always paid for an end of tenancy clean when we were renting this has never been an issue.
If I was letting my kids eat on a sofa I would just cover it with an old blanket that could be washed. When we were having renovations and had no dining table my kids did this or just sat on a blanket on the floor to eat.

I do have children, we always have a family dinner at the table but lunch is mostly on the sofa, today me and my two year old had lunch in front on cbeebies....we like to live on the edge 😁

You said life's too short 🤷🏻‍♀️
If eating on a sofa is on your bucket list, fair enough, I suppose.

What was damaged? Was anything stained?

OP, chill. It's some mess. Honestly, so much unkindness and cruelty in this world - mess is fine! Just keep trying to tidy and declutter and it gets easier as kids grow. Please do not be embarrassed or ashamed. No value judgment in some dust or grime - some bleach and scrubbing sorts it out! Do not worry xx

Well, mess left behind in someone else property isn't fine at all.
I agree op needs to just put it behind her now and move on, but telling her it was fine is just daft.

I agree with the poster who said this thread had a weird vibe. OP sounds like she’s struggling. Lots of perfect posters with children that are tidy from birth piling on to her demanding to know exactly how clean she left the rental (which had no hoover or table and chairs).

Not nice to read. Kids are messy. Everyone has different energy levels/standards. This is the reason why deposits are paid. If she didn’t clean it up to standard then I’m sure the landlady would have kept the deposit and paid for a professional clean. If she got her deposit back it can’t have been that bad

OP I don’t think this thread is helping you so I would hide it now and know you’re doing your best.

You're right to feel embarrassed but it's done now. Just try to enforce better habits in your kids in future.

Perhaps because they are owners of lets and have walked in to their properties after a tenant has departed to an absolute horror show. And given the op days the children are very messy eaters and “destructive” I suspect this may be the case here

In case anyone missed it. OP is a single parent due to an abusive ex. She works, struggles with the behaviour of her children and feels thinly spread. She’s said in every post how embarrassed and awful she feels but she is struggling. Yet let’s all have a go at her for allowing her children to drop a few crumbs on the sofa. From your non- rental houses with husbands and cleaners…!

Honestly, I’d forget about the holiday let - it’s over and done with now.
I’d concentrate on how you’d like to be moving forward. Get into a routine of cleaning up as you go. What mess do your children make when eating, I’m quite confused as to what they can do that’s so bad? Also, start a routine with them of clearing up their own toys/clothes etc.

That's a lovely post.

Op please try to relax about this. My cleaning lady also contracts for an Airbnb. Some of the short term renters leave the place in an atrocious condition. She had to get her daughter to come along once and they cleaned for several hours to be ready for that afternoon. Rubbish everywhere, make up on the sheets and towels, dirty (poo) nappies etc and this was only a 3 night stay.

The ll should have provided you with a small perhaps folding, table and chairs and a Hoover. Both being a basic for lets, especially ones of more than a week.

Did you pay a cleaning fee btw? Or was the fee included in the rent?

We only have one dd and leave the houses pretty much as we found them but you’ve had a lot on your plate and she’s had 2 months of out of season rent from you, which you, I imagine will have paid far more than had you been on a long term lease. It is unlikely she would have rented continuously to other people. Rough with the smooth.

@Gumreduction You can’t assume the OP left it as a ‘horror show’ I’m a landlady and I’ve seen some sights but that’s part of renting houses out and I would never project. You have no idea what the house was like.

Yes sorry OP, I thought covering the sofa might have been a helpful tip....you do sound like you are doing your best in very difficult circumstances💐

I feel for you OP sounds like the landlady has hit on something you were already not feeling great about. I say try and ignore her as much as possible and put it behind you. You are in your new place now so you have a fresh start.

These are some things that have worked for us

• Eating only at the table - no running around with food or eating on the sofa
• It is my messiest child’s job to sweep up under the table after meals. This is making a difference to their mess levels albeit VERY slowly
• Having a dishwasher and everyone to scrape plates and put in dishwasher straight after meal. You could do the same with them putting them in the sink if no dishwasher.
• I’m not a shouter but with destructiveness I do a hard share and act completely shocked that they would break something like that. Natural consequences eg help me fix/replace it. They don’t really break stuff any more but hard to know if that’s because of my amazing technique or they just grew up 🤷🏼‍♀️

Be kind to yourself. You have been through the mill. But also know that if you can get some of the routines sorted you will be being kind to your future self too.

No but we can assume it’s more likely that the owner’s story has more truth (messy, smelled bad, things damaged) since OP’s own relative said pretty much the same thing too.

Yet let’s all have a go at her for allowing her children to drop a few crumbs on the sofa

not quite how the Op put it

OP might have got nicer replies if she didn't make it someone elses fault and complain about the landlady having the cheek to point out the mess and smell left behind....

And it doesn’t even seem like the landlord took the OP’s damage deposit

The relative said they were messy eaters? Many children are. She doesn’t deserve a pile on - unless you are a single Mum, working, with children who have behavioural issues? Otherwise you haven’t done a day in her shoes.

I see she also works full time. Plus extra. So much nasty judgement on here.