Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

I feel spread quite thin. I probably should have don’t better.
I sometimes find it hard to get kids to behave, there is work, school, all house work all income. Moving long distance.paperwork etc also had a unexpected health issue had to get dealt with ( lump turned our benign) . Doing fun things with kids letting them settle in.
I try my best but now feel very upset like a failure .

YABU. The place should have been spotless when you left.

Don’t beat yourself up.
Holiday lets and long term rentals have to be thoroughly cleaned between lets. I’ve had to shampoo carpets, paint walls and doors, steam clean cookers and clean windows before I can even show new tenants around. Life gets messy.
Just make the children eat at the table only. If they drop food spread a plastic tablecloth under their chairs and then they can see what mess they make. They will grow up.

You are doing the best you can in challenging circumstances OP. The owner of the holiday let should have provided a decent hoover and other basic cleaning equipment. It sounds like she may have had unreasonably high standards and was unwilling to accept any wear and tear, but frankly I think if she didn't even provide a hoover she's lucky her place wasn't left in a total state! You're not going to get any comfort here because this thread has become a total pile on, so I'd suggest you should the replies, ignore the landlady and get on with your life.

I don't think anyone here can really comment because we don't actually know exactly what the landlord said in her email. Did she provide you with a list of issues? Did she ask you for payment? What was the purpose of the message?

Children ARE messy. Especially if they don't have a routine or a system. Have some general rules:

• choose, play and put away. They can not being out a toy, game or art supplies without putting away what they were playing with before.

-messy play, art, water, crafts can only be done at the table.

• they must help to tidy up. Put on a "tidying up" song and they have until the song finishes to get all their toys in the basket. If they do it before the song ends they get a treat.

• they need to make their bed every morning.

If you still feel overwhelmed get help. Having a cleaner will help if you can afford it because you will be more inclined to get rid of the surface mess before they come. If you can't afford a cleaner check and see if there is a HomeStart charity near you. They match you with a volunteer who can support you (although I'm not sure of their age cut off). They won't come and clean the house but they can help you to develop strategies to help you and the kids be more organised.

I think your mistake was doing the cleaning yourself. You can’t expect to look after dc, move and clean to the high standard expected at the end of a tenancy. I’m surprised it wasn’t stated in your contract that a professional clean was a requirement.

I think the landlord was also shortsighted in not providing a table and hoover - did you ask for these things?

DC of that age are heavy going. There’s a reason they were shut in the attic with nanny in the old days and needed at least one full time member of staff to civilise them. There’s wisdom in only allowing food at the table in the kitchen, eating at mealtimes and making them help clean up every mess. But it is very hard when you have to be nursemaid, nanny, cook, maid of all work, both parents, go out to work and try and look good doing it.

but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive.

do you think you’d have been happy renting to a parent that describes her school aged children as above?

You haven’t answered if you are going to pay for the damage or a proper clean?

Don’t just feel sorry for yourself. Do something about it.

Some people just dont know how to treat other peoples things with respect. You may think you cleaned up but the picture i am seeing is you mistreated this home, yes it is you because you are responsible for your children's actions. Whether you parent your children to stop them being both messy and destructive (Dismissing as heavy handed), or you simply invest more of your time to making good the mess you leave.

Either way, simply saying they are messy and heavy handed is to pass the issue down the street.

Odd post!

If you think you're 'not good at cleaning', do you have a trusted friend/relative who is? I was never 'the best' and when I was done and looked around, it was 'fine', but didn't look 'spic and span'. But my sister? You could do surgery on her kitchen floor and her house always seemed spotless! So I asked her for help. Basically, it was a too much rushing, giving up too soon, and hating housework (she loves it). You may still never want to do surgery on my kitchen floor, but I've got the knack of keeping a clean house. If you've had TWO people complain about you leaving 'mess' maybe you should ask someone for advice/critique.

At four, my DSs would never have been allowed to eat on furniture. Either they sat at table or had a 'carpet picnic' with a blanket. At seven, they could 'eat nicely'. I still wouldn't have let them eat/drink something on furniture that would stain or be hard to clean up though because accidents happen. Unless there is some problem you haven't mentioned, you need to work on table manners, with both of them.

As far as your DS being 'destructive', you need to start to work on that, too. Again, providing there aren't special needs he can be taught to be careful. DS2 was 'heavy handed' by nature, but he learnt to be careful, especially with other people's things.

If your Ds continues to have poor fine motor skills and damages things easily, it may be worth having him assessed for dyspraxia. Did you clean the microwave, the oven, toaster etc. If the property is usually a short term holiday let eg people tend to go out and cook less and properties are mainly used as a base.

The messy eating is obviously something you need to work on, but if the property was let as furnished accommodation, it's pretty mean of the landlord not to have provided a table,

I would presume the OP could see there was no dining room table before she agreed to take it on so it’s hardly mean.

We eat on the sofa because frankly life is short and I like eating lunch in front of the TV. But it is covered with two large blankets which are easy to wash.

What sort of things has your son damaged?

Life is too short for what exactly?

I don't get this - you either cleaned or you didn't? There is clean and unclean - no in between. Mess - variations yes, but not clean. Are you saying you left old food in places etc? If so then I don't blame the lady for being annoyed, holiday let's usually state that you must leave the place as you find it.

With regards to your children's eating, if others have said they are messy, can you try different utensils (maybe adult ones are too big to handle for them), table/floor mats etc.

To not enjoy small things like eating in front of the TV....? Pp has mentioned it's a bad habit

Also, you mention you're struggling keeping on top of some things which is understandable. Why don't you rope the kids in to helping for reward? Even small things x

YoU should not have had to buy the Hoover It should have been supplied to you OP

Your posts are quite self flagellating, tbh. Cleaning up the mess after children have eaten until they're old enough to do it themselves is something everyone does, no matter what their other responsibilities?
It's tiring having to cook and clean up after meals day after day, particularly when you work full time but it's just life, no one is immune.
Your posts have a suggestion that you imagine burdens above and beyond everyone else's are being placed upon you?

If the children had to eat on the sofa as nowhere else was suitable then you should have put some kind of cover on the sofa whilst they were eating and supervised them.

Have you asked the landlord what exactly the mess and damage is that they are referring to? Do they have any photographs of it they could send you?

The smell comment - usually if a property has been cleaned prior to leaving it has a 'clean' smell, ask what the landlord means by it didn't smell nice.

You don't get to call her message "rude and shaming" when it sounds accurate! Your kids are messy and destructive and you aren't great at cleaning...all your own words.
You should probably say sorry to her rather than complain about the tone of her message.

"We eat on the sofa because life is short" is an extremely bizarre statement
You're to busy to sit at a table? How long does it take?!

The smell comment - usually if a property has been cleaned prior to leaving it has a 'clean' smell, ask what the landlord means by it didn't smell nice.
If there was old food down the back of sofa cushions, etc, it won't have had anything approaching a clean smell.