Rude text from holiday let .. how to control children’s mess.

[Nogg]

I feel a bit upset. I got this really rude shaming message from a short ( 2 month) rental owner I was staying in. Saying I left it a mess/ unclean with small damages. That it didn’t smell nice etc
I feel a bit mortified as the lady was nice. I thought I’d cleaned it ok but she disagreed. So embarrassing.
There was no dining table do had to eat on sofa . No hoover so I bought my own albeit cheap one.
So now I’m thinking maybe I am not making enough effort. I try to control kids 4 and 7. I wfh full tube plus extra. There is so little time with work, school and basics to cover. I try to stop youngest kid from making a mess but he (and actually both seem really messy eating ) and youngest is generally destructive. I’m always telling off, nagging and cleaning but maybe I don’t do enough or maybe I’m not very good at it.
how can I get kids not to make a mess. Feel really upset at myself! I am always nagging but kids don’t change or listen.

You must know whether you left it in a mess compared to when you arrived.

Did you ask to pay for a professional clean?

This is a holiday rental ( ie short term as my house move was delayed) I didn’t move my belongings in just some essential clothes etc. That’s why no hoover !

Some people are just not very good at cleaning and I'm one of them. My DC and husband are much better - probably because they seem to have higher standards. However I would have made sure any sofa where people eat (or have pets allowed on them) was covered with a throw or throws which you can get from charity shops. And I do tend to agree that you should try to curb messy eating - it's not fun for anyone. Get the 7 year old to wipe down the table and clean under it? And if your older one is "heavy handed" check if he's dyspraxic or just needs to practice fine motor skills by eg playing chequers, chess or Monopoly.

First of all, try not to get down about this.
It's impossible to know whether you left it in a reasonable state or not.
I have had an unreasonable complaint from a rental property before and I know it was unreasonable because my mum and aunt cleaned it with me and it was spotless-some landlords are unreasonable-this is not new information.
Secondly, I have a child with sn who can't eat at the table with us and in rental properties it is difficult. I spread sheets or towels out for 'picnics'.
You sound very down, please try and see this as a small blip. You are doing all the basics from the sound of it- clean toilets etc. Most people I know wouldn't bat an eyelid at a child eating on a sofa.
It's tough being a single parent working full time, you deserve a pat on the back, not an in depth analysis of your cleaning routine.

You sound awfully stressed. You shouldn't really take this to heart so much - nobody's perfect, and you can help your children be less messy. The landlady didn't have to be quite so harsh but maybe you could raise your standards a little and work on your DCs being less messy. And give yourself a break - you really do seem to be reacting terribly strongly to something that isn't all that significant in the bigger scheme of things.

Kids are messy but it's more on you imo. If you clean up after them there isn't any mess so don't know what I am missing?

All rentals come with a fair wear and tear policy. Did the landlord charge you a cleaning fee? If so, I wouldn't have bothered doing any cleaning at all.

I've been a rental tenant all my life and experienced several landlords who expect you to clean it to a hotel clean standard and still charge you a cleaning fee but they want to pocket the cleaning fee and not hire a cleaner.

Maybe it was cleaner than you think

Due to dyspraxia, I have a messy eater. Eating only at a table, having a wipeable tablecloth and floor helps a lot.
On the rare occasions that he eats in the lounge, a blanket is put down so that crumbs and spills can be cleaned up easily.

In what way is he "destructive"? 4 year olds are normally learning more control of themselves. Managing access to crayons/ fragile items etc helps a lot, but when you're not in an environment that you can adapt, close supervision is required.

You sound genuinely upset and so some of the nasty messages seem unnecessary. But in your heart of hearts, if you were being totally honest, did you believe you were leaving it as clean as you found it?

I suspect not as you keen saying you did an ‘ok’ job at cleaning. And question how to stay on top of the little ones, but I might be wrong?

If you did/do know it’s not as clean as it was then I suppose as with anything, just clean as you go but do a double take and ask yourself genuinely if you’ve cleaned the mess thoroughly. Cleaning 80% of the mess is ‘ok’ but it’s not clean.

hope you’re ok, don’t beat yourself up about it though! If you’re happy and you’re in your own home now then so be it. You do you!

Send her the receipt for the hoover

Yes your messy but no hoover in a holiday let is inconsiderate

His eating is really messy. I’ve asked him to try harder. He is not good with pen control and fine motor skills compared to his sister.
he is very strong. Even as a 6 month baby he managed to smash a toy to pieces and try to eat the batteries ! R

I'm sorry you are upset. It's hard not to be, in these situations.

I think it's a combination of a few awkward things: 2 months is more of a very short let than a holiday. With airbnb etc., sometimes the standard of check out expected is for it to be ready for the next person to walk into within hours or a day, and people do abuse these places and think, sod it, I'll pay the cleaning fee and not lift a finger, so the owners are likely to be quite sensitive to that. Worse things happen. I would think they are also more invested in their own property if they both clean and furnish it.

It can go both ways. With end of tenancy, I or friends have lost some deposit for: "dusty patches under a bed", "deep scratches on the table" - categorically not made by me but not logged on the initial inventory - "watermarks on the washed cutlery(!)", and one report on a place I nearly rented for a holiday said that a blanket was found stored by a guest in a chest in the lounge, not the bedroom (where it had been presented on check-in), and they were charged for it - so that made me move on to a different rental choice. By contrast I have also had a number of places say that I left things in very good order on check-out.

Yes, kids can definitely be messy, and taking your own blankets and mats is a good precaution, but chalk this one up to experience, apologise and take a deep breath.

So have you messaged back? Could you message back asking how they would like you to rectify the situation?

She didn’t provide a Hoover? Was it all uncarpeted? I think it’s unreasonable to rent to a young family without any table and chairs or hoover and not be prepared to deal with some consequences.

m it sounds like you’ve accepted your part of the blame OP and will up your cleaning in future. But this is not all on you so don’t be too hard on yourself.

Lots of kids are messy whilst on holiday. The issue is whether the parents then clean up after them to leave the holiday let in good condition or leave it in a state.

People I know who have holiday lets tend to charge a damage/cleaning deposit because more than once, they have found the filth on arrival is far more than could be expected. You are asked to leave the holiday let clean and tidy, ready for the cleaners to do a quick whizz round usually. If you’re there for a couple of months and it’s not just a week of holiday, the contract will have specified a decent standard of cleaning. Finding bits of food is clearly not at that level by any imagination stretch.

Many rentals require the property is cleaned to professional standards on vacation. This doesn’t mean there has to have been a paid cleaner but it has been cleaned to that level. That means grease has been removed from cookers and around cookers and in oven hoods, carpets shampooed if that’s needed, curtains cleaned. Wear and tear is accepted, but dirt isn’t.

Op, if the owner then had to pay someone for several hours cleaning to get the property up to scratch for the next tenant, then your cleaning wasn’t good enough. I’m surprised you weren’t charged.

Most small kids are messy and drop food. Eating at the table, having a plastic sheet down and certainly sweeping up after each meal by the adult is what is needed. It’s not the kids that’s the problem for other adults, it’s the adults not clearing up after them. You see it in restaurants sometimes. Restaurants expect small children to have made some mess and that they will need to clear up a bit. Parents who leave food. All over the floor and debris spread across the table and not even piled onto the plates, are in my view pretty filthy. Honestly, who leaves used wipes just lying in the middle of the table or used cutlery strewn everywhere and drips of food smeared everywhere? Wouldn’t you just pile it all onto a plate and use a napkin to wipe where a small child had dropped a huge splodge of wet food?

Maybe you could hire a cleaner for a one-off clean and watch what they do and how they do it?

It sounds like you tried your best and you have a lot on your plate. You could get someone to show you how they'd do it and what they use. There's no shame asking for help about how to do it better.

Stop beating yourself up OP. Use your energy for solutions, not negativity. Ok so things weren't up to scratch but nobody died. You can get this right with a little help and patience.

For messy eating have you tried reward charts? For the heavy-handed little one, maybe he needs help with fine motor skills and co-ordination. I'm not expert on that but you could look it up and see if there are some skills that he could learn.

i've heard juggling is supposed to be good. But you have to start very simple. Just two balls. You can get packs of amazon.

Kids are messy until they learn not to be. The thing here is making sure you don't leave mess for other people.

You can clean up all mess as soon as the meal is possible and ask your DC to help as appropriate to their ages. You make your life easier by eating at a table, using wipeable mats etc to cut down the mess.

Now you've got your own place again, getting on top of this will make your life nicer and less stressful.

He needs the build up his skills.

Your daughter didn't learn her skills from no where.

It's all the different types of you let little children engage in from playing in a playground to painting and drawing to water play to building stuff etc.

It sounds like your ds could do with some help with his fine motor skills. There's lot of resources online, eg from occupational therapists. Maybe it's something you could focus on a bit more generally than just the eating thing. Good luck!

Reading between the lines I think you know deep down that the mess you left was unacceptable, therefore probably a level up from standard kids mess

My kids are messy eating but you just clean up afterwards?

after they’ve sat at the table for dinner usually have to sweep up or vacuum the floor underneath as well as spray and wipe down the table and their chairs.

Has he had any assessments re this? Obviously in isolation this isn’t diagnostic but he may have some issues with motor skills.

For a holiday let if you’re supposed to do the clean you really need to treat it as cleaning to the level of “no one has ever been here”

No, you don't, not at all. You should leave it clean but the property owner should also be paying for it to be cleaned to the standard of "no-one has ever been here" in between guests.

When renting accommodation (especially holiday/short-let) with young children, you do have to be proactive in anticipating how your DC might make mess or cause damage and what you can do to prevent this. We stay in airbnbs or other self-contained accommodation a few times a year, and I always take a throw to put over the sofa. If the floor is carpeted, I'll take a waterproof mat to put under the dining-table (and a good carpet cleaner as a back-up just in case). My DC drinks any drink apart from water from a cup with a lid to prevent spillages. We always look round when we arrive and move anything fragile or breakable out of the way (usually to up high on top of the kitchen cupboards) so our DC doesn't accidentally break anything. If there wasn't a table, DC would be eating on the floor on the waterproof mat and ice creams etc. would only be allowed outside.

I sympathise because, even despite our best efforts, DC has occasionally left a mark on the wall that we haven't be able to clean off (and about which we've informed the owner). But that's our problem, not the owner's (though the couple of times this happened, they were fine about it). The owner has the right to expect you to leave the property as you found it, fair wear and tear excepted.

If it was so dirty (not messy) that it smelled then yes 100% YABU. That's mess that hasn't been cleaned up long enough for it to rot!

Also I think the expectations for you and the rental owner would depend on your contract. If this was an Airbnb type deal with a cleaning fee you paid, then I'd expect to leave it tidy and clean but not deep cleaned / scrubbed. If it was more of a rental contact then you definitely should have fully cleaned it.