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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'It's more expensive for us because there are two of us'

300 replies

Vlent · 14/11/2022 00:53

I am single and live alone. I am fed up of being told that couples' lives are more expensive because there are two of them.

For clarity, in all of these examples both halves of the couple are working full time and they live together.

A couple of recent examples:

My friend lives with her girlfriend and we often have drinks in one of our houses at the weekend. We had arranged to go for a drink in the city one Saturday, and at the last minute she suggested I just go to her house instead. I said I was looking forward to going out with her for a change, and was told it was too expensive for her because there are 'two of them' and so it would cost twice than what it did for me.

To be clear, if she couldn't afford it I would of course go to her house instead, and I did so, but it's the absolute lack of logic that annoys me, and she says it quite frequently - ie. 'It's okay for you to go out, Vlent, but it will cost DG and I £100 (or whatever) because there are two of us'.

I was discussing a holiday destination with another friend because another friend wants to visit there. I said it was cheap once you got there. DF said 'I thought it was quite expensive but then there are two of us'.

Another friend lives abroad in Europe, and I've visited her several times, but I don't enjoy the place, I visit to see her. She has just invited me to visit in the New Year. I said I didn't think I could, and why didn't she try and visit where I live (which is also her home town). I was told it would be better for me to visit her, because her husband would want to come here, and it would be too expensive 'for the two of them'.

It's really beginning to annoy me. Yes, there are two of you, and so each of you carry a cost, but you're also getting two incomes into your home and halving the bills, whereas I'm paying all of my bills from a single income. It is not more expensive for them to do these things than it is for me.

Another couple this weekend were acting as one in a round of drinks too - there were five of us and I bought a round, Fred bought a round, Sarah bought a round and then James and Jess bought one between them and then back to me, and so Fred, Sarah and I were buying other people four drinks each on our round, and the James and Jess bought other people three drinks between them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 14/11/2022 00:56

How odd - I was always under assumption that living alone cost more than living as a couple or in shared accommodation. As in one lot of rent/heating/council tax/water bills etc rather than two. Is there not a saying that two can live as cheaply as one?!

HairyMcLarie · 14/11/2022 00:56

I've never heard people use that as an excuse ever. How weird. Maybe it's because there are two of us earning and we each keep our own finances after mortgage and bills are paid. Do they just have one earner in the couple?

The round thing irritates the shit out of me though. See also when people come for dinner and 'bring a bottle'. Single friends come with a bottle as do the couples without actually realising there's two of them FFS!

Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 01:00

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 14/11/2022 00:56

How odd - I was always under assumption that living alone cost more than living as a couple or in shared accommodation. As in one lot of rent/heating/council tax/water bills etc rather than two. Is there not a saying that two can live as cheaply as one?!

This is also my assumption/experience. I cannot see how it's not blatantly obvious that it's cheaper to live as part of a couple with regards to household bills.

But these couples seems to think of their joint income as one income and therefore think it's twice as expensive for them to have a night out or whatever.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 01:03

HairyMcLarie · 14/11/2022 00:56

I've never heard people use that as an excuse ever. How weird. Maybe it's because there are two of us earning and we each keep our own finances after mortgage and bills are paid. Do they just have one earner in the couple?

The round thing irritates the shit out of me though. See also when people come for dinner and 'bring a bottle'. Single friends come with a bottle as do the couples without actually realising there's two of them FFS!

Absolutely. When I was visiting European friend once we (DF, her DH and I) ordered a takeaway which came to €28, and so I gave her €10. She, presumably thinking she was being generous, said not to bother with the other €4. I swiftly pointed out that I'd overpaid, not overpaid, and she did have the good grace to look a bit sheepish and accept it.

OP posts:
Neerdoneerdo · 14/11/2022 01:04

That's insane and insulting. Don't let them get away with it.
I have a small amount of sympathy over the holiday. If you want to spend time with the wife and she wants to spend her holidays with her husband, the 2 of them travelling to the UK just to spend time with you is an issue. But you'd think she could spend an occasional holiday with you on her own.

Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 01:07

Neerdoneerdo · 14/11/2022 01:04

That's insane and insulting. Don't let them get away with it.
I have a small amount of sympathy over the holiday. If you want to spend time with the wife and she wants to spend her holidays with her husband, the 2 of them travelling to the UK just to spend time with you is an issue. But you'd think she could spend an occasional holiday with you on her own.

I live in her hometown, where her family and many other friends live. There is no reason he needs to come with her at all, but if he does, it's no more expensive for each of them as individuals than for me as an individual, which they do not seem to grasp at all.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 14/11/2022 01:08

Definitely more expensive for one person, especially holidays. But YABVVU not to have bounced CF couple's round straight back at them.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 14/11/2022 01:14

Yeah, it cuts the other way. Living costs as a single person are more expensive than living costs as a couple. Eg single person gets 25% discount on council tax, so pays 75% of full rate. Couple pay 50% each.
That goes for most bills too. Gas/electric standing charge is the same however many people live there. Usage for a single person will be lower but the overall bill will be more than half of what the couple’s is.
Go out for drinks - everyone buys a round or two, costing the same. They share a taxi home, while you pick up the full tab for yours.

Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 01:14

GrumpyPanda · 14/11/2022 01:08

Definitely more expensive for one person, especially holidays. But YABVVU not to have bounced CF couple's round straight back at them.

You're right, I should have, and have done with people in the past. These were Fred's friends so I felt a bit awkward making an issue.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/11/2022 01:15

I get where you both are coming from. You’re assuming that 2 people equal twice the incoming… that doesn’t exactly hold true in all cases.

I think that the single vs. double expense/savings mostly even out in the wash over time but they’re probably not wrong when it comes to discretionary spending.

Kitkatcatflap · 14/11/2022 01:15

I've had a couple do that to me. 'But there's two of us, so it's double'. At which I said, not if you earn a double the income.

The worst ones by far are couples who do joint rounds. They expect two drinks when it's someone else's round but only buy one round between the two when their turn comes - bloody rude.

Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 01:24

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/11/2022 01:15

I get where you both are coming from. You’re assuming that 2 people equal twice the incoming… that doesn’t exactly hold true in all cases.

I think that the single vs. double expense/savings mostly even out in the wash over time but they’re probably not wrong when it comes to discretionary spending.

Each person in the couple has their own income. It is not more expensive to go on a night out because they share a house with someone else on the night out than it would be if they lived in a house alone.

How would a single person's expenses even out over time with a couple's, if both members of the couple are working full time?

OP posts:
Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 01:24

Kitkatcatflap · 14/11/2022 01:15

I've had a couple do that to me. 'But there's two of us, so it's double'. At which I said, not if you earn a double the income.

The worst ones by far are couples who do joint rounds. They expect two drinks when it's someone else's round but only buy one round between the two when their turn comes - bloody rude.

Absolutely agree.

OP posts:
Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 14/11/2022 01:42

I think it’s because single people are seen as a second class citizens.

devilledhens · 14/11/2022 01:43

the examples you’ve given are so weird. you either have extremely stupid friends of know a lot of cheap fuckers

TwinklingStarlight · 14/11/2022 01:46

You're so right. I just can't get into the mindset at all, it's so obviously ridiculous. It must be maddening OP.

We have teens now and trips out have got mega-expensive as we're paying for 4, but that's a different issue.

encantorerun · 14/11/2022 01:47

Before I moved in with DH (years ago admittedly) - my rent and bills were astronomical for me at the time, I had hardly any disposable income. I was overnight better off the moment he moved in. I was living in central London and rent was £1000 - it became £500. We didn't use more heating - so the heating bill was split. We didn't have two sets of sky tv, so the t.v and internet bill was halved. Council tax went up but that was nothing against the other bills.

I was almost £1000 better off each month.

Ridiculous things for them to be saying! YANBU.

Quweenie · 14/11/2022 01:53

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/11/2022 01:15

I get where you both are coming from. You’re assuming that 2 people equal twice the incoming… that doesn’t exactly hold true in all cases.

I think that the single vs. double expense/savings mostly even out in the wash over time but they’re probably not wrong when it comes to discretionary spending.

This makes zero sense.

3ShotsOfEspresso · 14/11/2022 01:57

devilledhens · 14/11/2022 01:43

the examples you’ve given are so weird. you either have extremely stupid friends of know a lot of cheap fuckers

Literally thinking exact same.

Original poster
Vlent · 14/11/2022 02:03

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 14/11/2022 01:42

I think it’s because single people are seen as a second class citizens.

I definitely think that this is part of it.

OP posts:
Thelongnights · 14/11/2022 02:05

YANBU- I always thought it was more expensive to be single.

However, you were unreasonable for not calling out that couple during the rounds, I'm Irish and that's a MASSIVE nope, don't care if your 40 years married with a joint fb page and share half the toilet seat... when it comes to rounds there's etiquette, couples can count as "one" only when they are having rounds with other couples, each couple buys a round so it works out. If their is at least one single person in the group, then couples buy a round each, just cheeky.

Thelongnights · 14/11/2022 02:05

There*

Rumin8 · 14/11/2022 02:09

Thelongnights · 14/11/2022 02:05

YANBU- I always thought it was more expensive to be single.

However, you were unreasonable for not calling out that couple during the rounds, I'm Irish and that's a MASSIVE nope, don't care if your 40 years married with a joint fb page and share half the toilet seat... when it comes to rounds there's etiquette, couples can count as "one" only when they are having rounds with other couples, each couple buys a round so it works out. If their is at least one single person in the group, then couples buy a round each, just cheeky.

Exactly what I was going to say - if couples go out often with other couples they may get into the habit of sharing rounds, but it is not on when there are singles in the group, just say "if you don't share a drink, you don't share a round", they will get it (hopefully), and if they don't... well they are happy being subsidised by you - and that isn't on at all!

Thelongnights · 14/11/2022 02:11

Rumin8 · 14/11/2022 02:09

Exactly what I was going to say - if couples go out often with other couples they may get into the habit of sharing rounds, but it is not on when there are singles in the group, just say "if you don't share a drink, you don't share a round", they will get it (hopefully), and if they don't... well they are happy being subsidised by you - and that isn't on at all!

Show quote history

OP should of bought them one drink with two straws - might of gotten the hint, cf 😂

Canthave2manycats · 14/11/2022 02:20

Your friends are idiots. I've been half of a couple for 37 years, and if we went out together, we were individuals!

Lots of expenses when shared are less, eg heating, lighting, etc. Each person has their own income, and whether that is equal or not, is neither here nor there. A single person should not be subsidising couples.