'It's more expensive for us because there are two of us'

[Vlent]

I am single and live alone. I am fed up of being told that couples' lives are more expensive because there are two of them.

For clarity, in all of these examples both halves of the couple are working full time and they live together.

A couple of recent examples:

My friend lives with her girlfriend and we often have drinks in one of our houses at the weekend. We had arranged to go for a drink in the city one Saturday, and at the last minute she suggested I just go to her house instead. I said I was looking forward to going out with her for a change, and was told it was too expensive for her because there are 'two of them' and so it would cost twice than what it did for me.

To be clear, if she couldn't afford it I would of course go to her house instead, and I did so, but it's the absolute lack of logic that annoys me, and she says it quite frequently - ie. 'It's okay for you to go out, Vlent, but it will cost DG and I £100 (or whatever) because there are two of us'.

I was discussing a holiday destination with another friend because another friend wants to visit there. I said it was cheap once you got there. DF said 'I thought it was quite expensive but then there are two of us'.

Another friend lives abroad in Europe, and I've visited her several times, but I don't enjoy the place, I visit to see her. She has just invited me to visit in the New Year. I said I didn't think I could, and why didn't she try and visit where I live (which is also her home town). I was told it would be better for me to visit her, because her husband would want to come here, and it would be too expensive 'for the two of them'.

It's really beginning to annoy me. Yes, there are two of you, and so each of you carry a cost, but you're also getting two incomes into your home and halving the bills, whereas I'm paying all of my bills from a single income. It is not more expensive for them to do these things than it is for me.

Another couple this weekend were acting as one in a round of drinks too - there were five of us and I bought a round, Fred bought a round, Sarah bought a round and then James and Jess bought one between them and then back to me, and so Fred, Sarah and I were buying other people four drinks each on our round, and the James and Jess bought other people three drinks between them.

AIBU?

I think that seems weird unless your ex was incredibly wasteful. He or she would have to use an awful lot more in energy costs given that the standing charge would be halved if you're sharing them. Even if you share a meal you're halving the cost of heating the oven. For that to cost more than your rent/TV licence/hotel rooms when you go on holiday/sharing a cab or car etc sounds unlikely. Even if it is true in your case, I think that's likely to be extremely rare as in most cases it's much cheaper to be a couple than single for each individual.

OP your friends sound a bit thick or just shit. It would only be more expensive per person to travel if they also had to bring three kids with them. In any case, if you've been several times, then it's more expensive for you than if they came once would be for them.

Yanbu. I have never been more skint than when I was single and lived alone. I could hardly afford to live.

It's so much easier being able to split the bills and rent with another person.

Was your ex not contributing to the rent? That’s normally the biggest cost. If my husband moved out I would have to find an extra £900pm for mortgage costs. And food, electric etc aren’t less than half unless you were funding all his food, water and electric- if you were splitting those bills surely now you are in the same position because while bills are less, you now don’t have his contribution so it balances out.

Unless your ex was not contributing properly, a single person will be financially worse off than one in a couple where each party contributed equally (presuming standard of living maintained). It’s one of the reasons some women stay with bad partners - because they don’t want life to get unaffordably expensive by splitting up.

Thats unusual for electric and gas to be halved. The OP is right, its harder for one person on their own than a couple both working. The only way it wouldn't be is if OP earnt the same as the couple combined.

My husband sometimes works away and during that time I am effectively living as a single person and it is much more expensive in terms of eating and drinking.

Even then, she’d pay more tax on that amount than they would with it being made up of two incomes.

Glad you called them out on that

Maybe they are trying to say they can justify £50 for one of them but the £100 for two of them makes them baulk a bit. I get what you are saying but if they are saving for something then they might be like oh that's a lot. The solution would be for the one that's your friend to not insist on going everywhere with their partner.

Or they are just making excuses. Maybe they earn less than you or have other priorities right now. They should just be honest and say they are trying to save/can't afford it/can't be arsed.

I often buy joint presents for couples at Christmas. Especially if I’m also buying for their kids. It’s easier.

Also if two of them go out with A's mates and then also with B's mates then that is 2 lots of socialising.

But yes they should think of another excuse.

You have a husband.

Unless your being finicially abused why isn't he splitting bills in half?. Everybody has to buy food... but the actual bills/rent/mortgage these should be split equally.

*You have a husband.

Unless your being finicially abused why isn't he splitting bills in half?. Everybody has to buy food... but the actual bills/rent/mortgage these should be split equally.*

?

Are you sure you quoted the right post?

I think YABU. You are being told that friends can't/don't want to spend money on various things, that is up to them. You are not in a position to judge whether they can or can't afford something - you have no real idea of their situation, priorities, commitments, whatever. If someone says something is too expensive for them, then my automatic assumption would be that it is too expensive for them. No one has to justify or explain beyond that. YABVU to expect your judgement of what they can spend their money on to be more accurate than their own

When I moved in with DH, my rent and bills halved and we had two salaries coming in. We were very quickly able to save for our house - I couldn’t have done that alone. Holidays are cheaper because we share a hotel room and although we pay for double flights, double entry, etc., it comes out of TWO incomes.

@UnderHisPie positive. If you have a husband he is paying 50/50 on main bills and rent. So despite someone's husband working away and the food shop for both parties will be purchased separately it is not comparbly to OPS expenses is it?

I've been both single and in a couple and like you said with 2 incomes, many bills are halved and even the food bill isn't doubled.

What is expensive when going out are when you bring kids. After many years of taking my kids with me, I think it is so so cheap when I only pay food for myself.

I've never heard a two income no dependents couple say that!

Obviously what is a lit more expensive travel wise is a family with children too young to be earning but too old for free child places - four or five seats on the plane, two hotel rooms or a 4-5 bed family room etc.

It does drive me nuts when people chide me for not visiting the country where I grew up because it's only a two hour flight and you can get flights for £90...

Yes - you can get middle of the night flights which leave you unable to make the public transport connection all the way to my home town so need a hotel on arrival (and very early departure return flights with the same issue - no public transport running early enough to be there for check in). So the £90 flights are a white elephant, plus when I travel alone everyone is annoyed and complains that they were looking forward to seeing/ barely get to see/ barely know my kids and even question suspiciously or take offense that my husband "didn't want" to come.

People hold up the £90 one person, middle of the night, weekday, term time flight as a reason to have no excuse not to visit, but flights alone are actually more like £700 for five people in school holidays at a time that connects to public transport for onward travel to my home town at the destination airport.

I have a ‘friend’ like this tho’ I rarely see her now. She really is a freeloader but in her case she has a (sulky and rude) dd13 who she will bring to meals with her friends, and when the bill comes she and her dd ‘count as one as dd has no income so can’t pay’ . After two of these (I thought the first time was a one-off) I just don’t any more. But she is a CF in other ways too, so I guess it is symptom of CFery.

Yes, they must be a bit dim/mathematically challenged? I have seen the round thing happen and it is annoying. 'Two can live as cheaply as one' , while not exactly true, is pretty close to the truth and living expenses are the bulk of your monthly outgoings.

But they're both bringing in incomes individually?
They sound petty and weird.

You could say to them that they also have twice the income you do.

Sorry they are like that, it's absurd.

The poster has to buy food as if she's a single person though! She doesn't benefit from the economies of scale. And presumably her husband is eating elsewhere so that costs money too!

Presumably they also have twice the number of social engagements as you though and if they both go then yes they will have twice the pressure on their social budget

No, she's not being told that. She's being told that she has it easy relative to a couple. The attached friend is the one lacking empathy. If they said 'I can't afford it because neither of us earn much' that'd be different.

It depends if you're earning 45,000 a year salary you're still better off than a couple with a joint income of 40,000.
Also there are many costs that can't be split for instance travel expenses, clothing, personal items. They may have more debt than you do like student loans, paying for a mortgage.

They may need more space in their home a larger bed, fridge and more cupboard space. However if they are both earning a higher salary they will be better off than a single person on a low income. All circumstances are different..

@2greenroses, the OP isn’t complaining that other people can’t afford to do things. She (rightly) thinks the idea that it is more expensive as a couple is bullshit.

In my family / friends nobody says nonsense like that. One couple tried it a few times when it came to splitting costs on a joint holiday. They looked pretty sheepish when I pointed out I pay less because I eat less, take the tiny single room and we split the cost of their child between adults. I’d done the maths in advance (any other way of splitting the cost they’d have ended up paying more and risked having to share the single room).