'It's more expensive for us because there are two of us'

[Vlent]

I am single and live alone. I am fed up of being told that couples' lives are more expensive because there are two of them.

For clarity, in all of these examples both halves of the couple are working full time and they live together.

A couple of recent examples:

My friend lives with her girlfriend and we often have drinks in one of our houses at the weekend. We had arranged to go for a drink in the city one Saturday, and at the last minute she suggested I just go to her house instead. I said I was looking forward to going out with her for a change, and was told it was too expensive for her because there are 'two of them' and so it would cost twice than what it did for me.

To be clear, if she couldn't afford it I would of course go to her house instead, and I did so, but it's the absolute lack of logic that annoys me, and she says it quite frequently - ie. 'It's okay for you to go out, Vlent, but it will cost DG and I £100 (or whatever) because there are two of us'.

I was discussing a holiday destination with another friend because another friend wants to visit there. I said it was cheap once you got there. DF said 'I thought it was quite expensive but then there are two of us'.

Another friend lives abroad in Europe, and I've visited her several times, but I don't enjoy the place, I visit to see her. She has just invited me to visit in the New Year. I said I didn't think I could, and why didn't she try and visit where I live (which is also her home town). I was told it would be better for me to visit her, because her husband would want to come here, and it would be too expensive 'for the two of them'.

It's really beginning to annoy me. Yes, there are two of you, and so each of you carry a cost, but you're also getting two incomes into your home and halving the bills, whereas I'm paying all of my bills from a single income. It is not more expensive for them to do these things than it is for me.

Another couple this weekend were acting as one in a round of drinks too - there were five of us and I bought a round, Fred bought a round, Sarah bought a round and then James and Jess bought one between them and then back to me, and so Fred, Sarah and I were buying other people four drinks each on our round, and the James and Jess bought other people three drinks between them.

AIBU?

I think you are in the right over this but have you tried to tell them they both earn a wage and there is only one of you paying your rent/mortgage bills etc?

I’ve never heard of this so I find these friend/ couples a little odd for thinking this way

No one has said couples can bear financial punches like they're 'nothing'.

But they are easier to bear for couples than single people.

And I say that as I'm married and DH and we both work. For me to pretend that I have it the same as my friend who lives alone on a similar wage to me would be a lie. She has to bear the cost of rent/bills/food emergencies all alone.

I think it's quite helpful that the occasional poster pops up on this thread to illustrate that some people really do believe that life is more expensive for couples, because otherwise it might be easy to think OP is exaggerating or has misunderstood her friends.

It's such a basic mathematical question.

@dandelionthistle I also don't get why @xogossipgirlxo talks about two showers vs 1, 2 x laundry and more food but ignores the much bigger costs like mortgage / rent/ bills / childcare etc.

Tbf there was a poster a few pages back who explained that cohabiting couples might have higher housing costs because they need somewhere with space for a bigger fridge!

I've lived alone and in a couple, and the one big disadvantage costs wise is what I call the "compromise tax".

For example - I want hotel A for £75. He wants hotel B for £75. But the hotel we agree on is £135.

Goes for everything from sofas to tomatoes to holidays.

It drives me bonkers because I'd prefer to take turns choosing the cheaper option, but he'd rather we compromised each time.

Normally you have two incomes to cover these expenses, don't you? It's not like there are only single mummies in this world (although when you read MN, you might think so).

Where did I say living as a couple is more expensive?

But that's just the point - single people don't have two incomes, so they spend a much greater proportion of their single income on mortgage/rent/bills/childcare.

Eh? 😂 Who are these people who live alone but also simultaneously have two wages covering their bills?

Your FIL covers all his bills with one wage. You only cover half your bills with your one wage.

Their logic is bonkers and it irritated me to read that some couples think like this! Wtf!

@thecatsthecats I do know exactly what you mean and it brings me back to my weary compromising life before I left my x.
Ordinarily 2 incomes is still one more income than a single person has but I do know what you mean.

Keeping two people "happy," can cost both more. Eg, my one non-negotiable might be a flat not more than 10 minutes walk from station. X's non negotiable; flat must have two toilets. I dont care about the toilets. He doesn't care about the walk from the station. That compromise might cost 100k . We both brought 40k savings to our deposit.

That's extreme though! we weren't suited. Ordinarily two incomes under one roof definitely better than one!

Unless a flat without the compromises costs under £100k then you’re still better off than not compromising and buying separate accommodation, one with two toilets and one near the station, as single people, monthly payment wise (although I accept that you’re only buying half a house each).

You need to make new friends!

Similarly to the PP above, you're still saving money. £135 split two ways is still cheaper than paying £75 for a room of your own.

I really understand your frustration. I have a friend who insists its more costly for her to have a day out because she has to pay bus fares as she doesn't drive.
She seems to think my car is totally free without the expenses of road tax car insurance car repairs fuel car loan payments etc
You can't argue with an idiot. They will beat you with experience every time

The rounds of drinks would drive me mad. I’d be having none of it. Why didn’t you just say “I’ve definitely only had 4 drinks so it’s not my round again yet”

I should have and have done in the past. They were friends of a friend though so it would've been awkward and so I just fumed.

Some folk are just mean. The friends are Penny Pinchers and not really your friends.

I’m tea-total and it’s my choice - but some friends order rounds of booze, usually double spirits and I have a soft drink. I don’t mind the bill being equally divided but my friends usually don’t include me when dividing the finances. Yes of course my friends are ‘true friends’ My half pint of lemon and lime last me all night and their double spirits or wine don't last very long.
Perhaps the solution is to have a ‘kitty’ with each person contributing into that equally. Or just pay as you go.
I remember having a party where someone and his girlfriend brought a non alcoholic bottle but drank spirits all night. There is so much selfishness.

I’d say drop the mean ones!

YANBU

I get this all of the time and I’m a single parent!

Apparently I’m better off because I’m the only adult so it’s cheaper - yes but I only have 1 income!

Some couples don’t seem to get this.

If my rent is £500 a month - I’d pay the full £500 because I’m the only adult but if I was a couple I’d only pay £250 - therefore I’d be much better off being in a couple than I would single.

I can only assume that people who don't get this are either genuinely a bit thick or genuinely cheeky fuckers who are chancing their arm!

I get this all the time. A friend can't afford one of the holidays I took, “because there are two of us” But solos pay huge single supplements and have no one with whom to share taxi costs, so it is actually MORE expensive to be single!
And one couple has a home here and one abroad, she is always complaining about paying two utility bills, council tax (or equivalent) etc etc. Eventually I said “Bit like me then, one salary one house. You have two salaries and two houses”! She had never thought of this!

This is weird your friends are being tight. All that money they save on shared utilities and other bills and they can’t buy a round each …. Please !

I’d spell out clearly next time they try this they they need to consider it as cost per person, not cost per couple. So if a meal costs you £50 and them £100, you’re all paying the same amount per person. Don’t discuss anything in terms of cost per couple, you’re comparing apples and pears.