'It's more expensive for us because there are two of us'

[Vlent]

I am single and live alone. I am fed up of being told that couples' lives are more expensive because there are two of them.

For clarity, in all of these examples both halves of the couple are working full time and they live together.

A couple of recent examples:

My friend lives with her girlfriend and we often have drinks in one of our houses at the weekend. We had arranged to go for a drink in the city one Saturday, and at the last minute she suggested I just go to her house instead. I said I was looking forward to going out with her for a change, and was told it was too expensive for her because there are 'two of them' and so it would cost twice than what it did for me.

To be clear, if she couldn't afford it I would of course go to her house instead, and I did so, but it's the absolute lack of logic that annoys me, and she says it quite frequently - ie. 'It's okay for you to go out, Vlent, but it will cost DG and I £100 (or whatever) because there are two of us'.

I was discussing a holiday destination with another friend because another friend wants to visit there. I said it was cheap once you got there. DF said 'I thought it was quite expensive but then there are two of us'.

Another friend lives abroad in Europe, and I've visited her several times, but I don't enjoy the place, I visit to see her. She has just invited me to visit in the New Year. I said I didn't think I could, and why didn't she try and visit where I live (which is also her home town). I was told it would be better for me to visit her, because her husband would want to come here, and it would be too expensive 'for the two of them'.

It's really beginning to annoy me. Yes, there are two of you, and so each of you carry a cost, but you're also getting two incomes into your home and halving the bills, whereas I'm paying all of my bills from a single income. It is not more expensive for them to do these things than it is for me.

Another couple this weekend were acting as one in a round of drinks too - there were five of us and I bought a round, Fred bought a round, Sarah bought a round and then James and Jess bought one between them and then back to me, and so Fred, Sarah and I were buying other people four drinks each on our round, and the James and Jess bought other people three drinks between them.

AIBU?

That makes no sense, each individual has an income and each individual has a cost to cover for social engagements, it doesn’t make it more expensive whatsoever.

This assumption always upsets me. I’ve experienced the same issue as the OP of people in couples trying to claim things cost double for them when they’ve forgotten they get to split bills etc between two incomes.

and no single people don’t have half the social life just because there’s one of them. Probably if you’re single you spend more time maintaining friendships and are more likely to say yes to social engagements and more likely to seek out time friends. I don’t sit around my house alone going out less just because I don’t have a partner to invite me out with their friends too.

And don’t get me started on the cost of dating…

You may well have more social engagements as a single person

So odd, I don’t know anyone who would come to that conclusion or has said anything like that.
Are your friends quite stupid?

Living alone costs more then a couple. Yes it costs twice as much to go to a pub as a couple then solo but as you say they have 2 incomes and 2 people to pay the bills. Rent isn't halved for being single 🙄

Yes it does

If the couple have 1 friend each to see and they go together to see them that is 4 people visits.

If a single person has 1 friend then that is 1 people visit.

Cost per person per visit is the same. I get that but the couple will have 2 visits with 2 people unless they go separately.

I still think it's a shit excuse but if the rate of friends is the same per person and the couple want to visit friends together then they will have twice the number of people visits.

I appreciate that and I don't mean to upset you. It absolutely does not cost more per visit for each person. I am not saying a single person sits around on their own. Just that as a couple sometimes there is pressure to eg. Go and see the other's family as a couple, see each others best mates as a couple.

Overall a couple will split the wider cost of rent/mortgage and bills - household bills aren’t doubled by two people living together, so they make a saving before even thinking about money for socialising.

If the couple have an income each they’ve had twice the money coming in to cover those visits, so it’s not more expensive, they’re just paying from their own income.

And in my experience single people often have a much bigger social circle so you can’t assume two people = more social engagements.

Your friends are being ridiculous cheapskates.

The only way in which it even remotely make sense (psychologically for them- not in terms of paying their way with friends) is if they have children and one works part time so the cost per person pro rata for holidays / meals out feels more of a burden for each of them as adults than for a single person on a FT salary.

Of course, that doesn’t apply to rent/ mortgage/ bills etc

Where are you buying veg? Apart from large mushrooms it’s very much all loose in our supermarket, you buy whatever you like.

Were you splitting the cost of one room for the flat or paying per person though?

Because I had the opposite, shared a flat with a friend, she moved her bf into her room, he used all the hot water and was in all day (working shifts) with the heating on etc but they wanted to still split rent & bills 50/50 not per person.

Cost per person per visit is the same. I get that but the couple will have 2 visits with 2 people unless they go separately

Yes it is the same cost per person! If the single person visits 2 separate friends then that’s 2 visits as well. And if the single person visits 3 different friends that’s 3 visits.

If both people in the couple are earning then it is the same cost per person that doesn’t make it more expensive.

They are wrong and you are right, assuming the couple has two full time incomes and no dependants. Their shared life should cost less than an equivalent single life, sharing bills and accommodation costs and (as other posters have said the benefit of two tax allowances).

I have seen it argued the other way though . Friends of ours often went out with the wife's best friend who was single and she always expected them to subsidise her, didn't contribute to shared taxis etc in the basis that "your household income is loads more than mine". The husband did have a decent salary but the wife only worked part time and they had three kids so effectively single friend had a full income to support herself. Couple had 1.5 incomes to support 5 people. Technically the household income was higher but they actually had considerably less disposable income than single friend in her one bed flat.

Couples don't have to visit friends together. It is very likely that one person in the couple is better friends with that person. Imagine all the savings from socialising (/s).

Yes but I'm thinking if one part of the couple wants to go and visit there parents then the other half wants to see their parents that's 4 people visits.

I get the single person might also want to see 4 people in that same time though.

I'm not saying OP's friends are right - I think they are wrong just trying to explain why they might thing they are right.

Yes. This. Why on earth are you friends with them OP? They seem not to be able to grasp basic facts.

Completely agree with you OP.

As a pp said, things like Christmas and birthdays are the worst as a single person - I used to get one gift from e.g my siblings family but have to get all four of them a gift - they could get me something quite nice for say, fifty quid, but if I spent the same on them it's barely a tenner per person so looked embarrassingly small, so I always ended up spending 3-4 more, which adds up a lot for presents every Christmas and birthday for several different families!

Ah I never bothered and just got them one gift between them.

I sometimes wonder if I am reading the same posts 🤔OP doesnt sound bitter at all.
Just rightly hacked off as some people's blatant stupidity

I think there are three problems:
1 People are stupid.
2 People are selfish
3 Being single is intrinsically more expensive.
Your friends take stupid and selfish to new depths so drop them.

OP your friends sound horrible and mean. I cannot imagine hearing anything so ridiculous. It is weird it seems to have come from a few people too.

I remember when I was longterm single and I'd started dating an old boyfriend. My close and straight talking friend asked how it was going. I said truthfully feeling ashamed that I knew it wasn't going to be the real deal but it was pleasant, I enjoyed his company and it was nice to be arriving places as a pair. I knew it wouldn't be longterm but was it stupid to continue while I was pretty certain he felt the same? She shrugged and said "totally get it, society is built for couples"

I could not agree more with her. I think your friends claims are outrageous.

I'm coupled up and settled down now living a lifestyle I would not be alone (and no he's not a higher earner).

Yep! And I live in a studio where the kitchen can only fit a mini fridge so the freezer is a skinny shelf, I don't have room to freeze anything!

Which is the point of the post

This is a really interesting point as I recently ended a long friendship due to one-sidedness particularly with regards to expectation of who paid/put themselves out . When my friend was single I got into the habit of subsidising her because her income was quite tight. Lots of takeaways and meals provided and hosting at my house, not reciprocated which was fine.

When she remarried the expectation carried on and it started to really bother me as they came as a pair, expected me/my partner to do all the travelling with associated expenses to see them or to entertain them at ours at very little cost to themselves. When I tried to even it up the excuses became ridiculous. Money was never mentioned but reading some of these posts it must have been behind it.

Not sure what the solution is to this one. How do you maintain a friendship if you are expected to subsidise for the pleasure of their company?

If there are children in the mix I totally get the "it costs more" attitude, because yes, 2 people earning to pay for 4 for a day out is proportionately more expensive than 1 person paying for themselves, but when it's just a couple? Makes no sense.

I used to live alone and now I live with my DH. It's so much cheaper to live as a 2!

When you live alone you get a 25% discount off your council tax bill, so you're paying 75%. If you're a couple you're paying 50% each.

Food costs are better value because you can't really buy portions for one or if you can the price is higher. I used to end up getting bored of what I'd made because I'd have to make enough that lasted a few days.

Yes, as a single person you could live in a cheaper studio flat, rather than a 1 bedroom flat that's better suited to 2, but it's not as if the rent is halved for the smaller property, or reduced because you live alone.

YANBU OP