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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some people come on Mumsnet solely to be the utter bitches they can't get away with being in real life.

287 replies

SynchOrSwim · 13/11/2022 18:44

I just see so many posts where people seem to do everything they can to make others feel as small and stupid as possible.

I know there will be disagreement and debate on here but some people are so unnecessarily nasty they're like panto villains!

OP posts:
Redwineandroses · 14/11/2022 17:23

JustLyra · 14/11/2022 15:48

There are certainly some who jump on any chance to show their superiority.

There's a poster who posts a lot and has the "oh that's just them, they say it how it is..." air from a lot of people, but I've always remembered them posting "I'm confused, where did you bring your house?" on a thread from a woman who had been assaulted by her partner the night before and was in a terrible state because they'd recently bought a house and everything was in his name. She said "We brought a house" but the rest of the post made it very, very, very clear what was meant.

Even MNHQ said that some posters are 'just' more robust than others when it was reported.

That's awful, especially as nowadays it's so easy for your phone to autocorrect words or predict text. Unlike in the days where MN posters used a PC or Laptop to post.

the80sweregreat · 14/11/2022 17:56

Just Google it ! I've had that a few times asking questions on this forum !! Ok, I get it , but sometimes you find much more wisdom from the answers than you do just looking things up !
People are rude because it's an anonymous forum. It's that simple I think

IglesiasPiggl · 14/11/2022 19:16

the80sweregreat · 14/11/2022 17:56

Just Google it ! I've had that a few times asking questions on this forum !! Ok, I get it , but sometimes you find much more wisdom from the answers than you do just looking things up !
People are rude because it's an anonymous forum. It's that simple I think

Oh yes, I really dislike this. Obviously the OP knows how to Google, they are looking for a human connection and opinions/experiences

Liz1tummypain · 14/11/2022 20:16

Discovereads · 14/11/2022 16:49

I don’t “call out MRAs” (or TRAs or incels) because I know for a fact that you & everyone else cannot spot them with any certainty. I know this because I’ve been wrongly called one a few dozen times on MN, when I am not an MRA.

And as for complaining about MNs, you’re on this thread complaining right along with me. You just seem to be unaware that you are not perfect and don’t seem to even want to acknowledge that your and others wrongful name calling of posters on MN hurt real women on MN. It’s just as toxic as calling someone a troll and should be banned as a type of troll hunting.

Just want to add that I've also been called an MRA or misogynist when I don't feel I am, and it's just because I don't share the stereotypical feminist outlook on some things.

I don't really see what's wrong with being a Men's Rights Activist by the by.

Noideaatall · 14/11/2022 20:20

I think recently it's been worse. I've stopped reading several threads because posters are just being nasty for the sake of it. I hate it, I don't read threads to feel miserable and irritated. (usually)

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 14/11/2022 20:41

I want to take up one issue mentioned upthread in detail here, because it's important. MRA/Incels - or simply people who hate women - are easily spottable in certain specific contexts in which they operate. This isn't the case with your average 'LTB' thread which has become something of a standing joke on MN. It's also not necessarily the case on many threads which contain arguments about man-haters, even those which often degenerate into the kind of unedifying bun-fight that's already been mentioned on this thread. On that point, it hardly needs pointing out that not all misogynists are necessarily men.

But on the point of men, there are those out there with very unpleasant forms of paraphilia. The thing that gives them a kick is the suffering and humiliation of women. I've suspected this, for instance, on various threads where an OP has posted questions asking women to speak frankly about their experiences of sexual abuse. As many women bravely spoke up and did so, the OP disappeared. He - I'm convinced it was a he - had got the information he needed to keep him happy, and was content. I've witnessed this on a number of occasions and I'm by no means the only woman commenting on it.

A different type of MRA also typically plops onto threads where women themselves have posted about their sexual abuse, and vociferously attacks them with the objective of silencing them. I've been trailed all over this site by one of these abusive maniacs, who was eventually banned for his extraordinary behaviour. It's like a mania with some of them.

Not meaning to degenerate the tone here, but for these men women's suffering is wank fodder. They're thoroughly disgusting, and once you've seen it you can't unsee it.

A PP asks what's wrong with being an MRA. If you genuinely had no insight, this gives you one. And whilst, strictly speaking, objecting to these disgusting characters is 'troll hunting' - trolling in the traditional definition of getting your jollies by trying to cause distress to complete strangers - it is really only fair to alert other women to the presence of these individuals, especially vulnerable victims of sexual abuse or VAWG.

Some people show by nature of the responses that they're unaware of how low men can sink, nor of how much some men really do hate them. It pays to know.

ArcaneWireless · 14/11/2022 21:52

MarieIVanArkleStinks 👏🏼

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/11/2022 22:17

Liz1tummypain · 14/11/2022 20:16

Just want to add that I've also been called an MRA or misogynist when I don't feel I am, and it's just because I don't share the stereotypical feminist outlook on some things.

I don't really see what's wrong with being a Men's Rights Activist by the by.

Oh.My. God.
smh and banging it against the wall.
If you don't see what's wrong with being a mra etc no one can help you.

BabyOnBoard90 · 14/11/2022 22:29

Yes. They're a miserable bunch on the AIBU side.

CopOut27 · 14/11/2022 22:38

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 14/11/2022 20:41

I want to take up one issue mentioned upthread in detail here, because it's important. MRA/Incels - or simply people who hate women - are easily spottable in certain specific contexts in which they operate. This isn't the case with your average 'LTB' thread which has become something of a standing joke on MN. It's also not necessarily the case on many threads which contain arguments about man-haters, even those which often degenerate into the kind of unedifying bun-fight that's already been mentioned on this thread. On that point, it hardly needs pointing out that not all misogynists are necessarily men.

But on the point of men, there are those out there with very unpleasant forms of paraphilia. The thing that gives them a kick is the suffering and humiliation of women. I've suspected this, for instance, on various threads where an OP has posted questions asking women to speak frankly about their experiences of sexual abuse. As many women bravely spoke up and did so, the OP disappeared. He - I'm convinced it was a he - had got the information he needed to keep him happy, and was content. I've witnessed this on a number of occasions and I'm by no means the only woman commenting on it.

A different type of MRA also typically plops onto threads where women themselves have posted about their sexual abuse, and vociferously attacks them with the objective of silencing them. I've been trailed all over this site by one of these abusive maniacs, who was eventually banned for his extraordinary behaviour. It's like a mania with some of them.

Not meaning to degenerate the tone here, but for these men women's suffering is wank fodder. They're thoroughly disgusting, and once you've seen it you can't unsee it.

A PP asks what's wrong with being an MRA. If you genuinely had no insight, this gives you one. And whilst, strictly speaking, objecting to these disgusting characters is 'troll hunting' - trolling in the traditional definition of getting your jollies by trying to cause distress to complete strangers - it is really only fair to alert other women to the presence of these individuals, especially vulnerable victims of sexual abuse or VAWG.

Some people show by nature of the responses that they're unaware of how low men can sink, nor of how much some men really do hate them. It pays to know.

I agree they are easy to spot.

Was recently on a thread where an OP was looking for support after finding her partner on OnlyFans I think. Some genuine questions on her part. It escalated into a couple of porn apologist posters VERY quickly directly attacking posters who were outlining some of the issues with that. It wasn’t a debate, it was an attack and they seem to swoop in on those types of topics.

Bonos · 14/11/2022 23:02

Trolling is rife on the internet so no surprise it is on here too.

MadelineUsher · 14/11/2022 23:31

Rosieisposy · 13/11/2022 20:37

It means that not personally liking x’s does not mean you get to dictate that ‘MN does not do this.’

I don't think it it "dictating" to say that until recently, it was highly unusual to see posts ending "xx". (It began early this year, as I recall.)

MN has it's own acronyms, DH, DS, DD1, etc etc. There is an overall agreed posting style to the forum and it does not include kisses!

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