To think some people come on Mumsnet solely to be the utter bitches they can't get away with being in real life.

[SynchOrSwim]

I just see so many posts where people seem to do everything they can to make others feel as small and stupid as possible.

I know there will be disagreement and debate on here but some people are so unnecessarily nasty they're like panto villains!

This is exactly what the OP is talking about.

I've answered the same point several times, quite clearly. I haven't been rude, which the poster has.

Honestly, can that poster not read my replies?

I feel quite ok with my response. And yes, I'd be appropriately terse, perhaps in different words, with someone who deliberately ignored something clearly written and misrepresented what I said.

I really fail to see why there needs to be any issue with that.

I’ve already seen one name on this thread who regularly has a go at others so I reckon I can see where this is going…

YANBU OP
It’s really disheartening. A few posters seem obsessed with me and tend to follow me onto threads just to pile on and make snarky remarks like “don’t listen to Discover” and “everything I’ve seen from D tells me he is an MRA” when they know I’m a mother of four, impossible to be a he. The name calling, the insults, the deliberate putting words in my mouth saying I said things I never said. It’s just so fucking old and why? It’s like they get pleasure out of stalking a disabled woman and giving her a kicking no matter what thread I post on. I don’t know why I keep coming back, I guess it’s some childhood trauma thing I have yet to untangle. The seeking of approval from abusers. I just want to have normal debates without the nastiness.

I dare say there are also a handful that are like it in real life.
People don't become nasty just because they're hiding behind a keyboard, nastiness is already in them somewhere.

The MRAs targetting MN send rape and death threats to women. It probably enrages them they can't do the same here. MN is full of uppity women in their views. Thank goodness for it. But MN can see private messages so you can report any abuse. iirc they also have filters that automatically detect it. This isn't Twitter.

Maybe MN could introduce new messages for hiding posts too eg

<there will be a short interlude whilst two posters embark on a pointless and contrived argument to derail the thread>

<this poster has used sexist insults not in the spirit of the site>

<this poster should be treated like a toddler kicking and screaming on the floor>

It's just not an 'xx' kind of place’ I was responding to. A bit like someone ordering a burger in a restaurant ‘it’s not a burger kind of place.’ It’s disparaging and bossy and overbearing.

Please don't be daft. That's a line characterising then general tone of the forum. Not my decision or anything else, just a stylistic convention that tends to apply. Like in most Internet forums.

On the other hand, your OTT reply to me is rude - and rude directly to me.

But the insistent replies that MN is really not bitchy from some are quite telling in themselves.

As above, talk about ironic ...!

I don’t think earrings sounds overbearing at all.

I’ve never forgotten some posters. About four people (earrings included) supported me when someone tried to get me silenced on a number of threads concerning the same poster/topic. My opinion wasn’t offensive but didn’t fit with those who were desperate to show their allegiance without thinking what they were actually saying.

I was properly hounded for it and I’ve never forgotten those four who read what I was saying instead of following the crowd. 🌻

I don’t much like the xx either by the way. I dislike eye rolls more though.

It's the mere mention of someones husband being unreasonable before the 'leave him, kick him out, divorce him' crew are out!

There is no issue , you were polite I can't see any problem with your posts .

Panto villains is a good description.

You can always spot them a mile off.

They'll ignore a whole thought out post and bold one sentence - out of context- and create their own narrative. Whilst also being quite rude.

Feel sorry for them. Best to ignore them.

They do it because the thread becomes about them and not the OP.

Quite sad really.

Thanks @ArcaneWireless & @Wiccan

Genuinely, I've no problem with anyone disagreeing with me (about xx or anything else) but wilfully misinterpreting something or ascribing characteristics based on a different viewpoint is wearisome.

Arcane I am going to put my hand up and admit to using 🙄 more than I should. I agree it's probably PA!

@EarringsandLipstick
I get your point and the fact you wouldn't comment on xxx
Trouble is...posters do. As a PP said, a first post by someone wanting help and the first few posts is laying into her for putting xxx on her post means she probably wouldn't hang around!

Some posters are like a dog with a bone. They just never give up. It's like sport to them. Twisting and manipulating a particular poster's words to reduce her to a wreck or drive her off the thread and sometimes others join in for a complete pile on.
I've had it happen to me, I know what it's like, it's horrible and upsetting

I start threads sometimes - there's a marked difference if you start them in AIBU. I did this recently because it was actually quite a boring thing I wanted advice on, so I tried to 'spice it up' a bit - I did get some great advice but also lots of 'You're being ridiculous, OP' type replies 😅It's a trade off between AIBU - high traffic but aggressive replies/other topics fewer replies but more helpful.

A good rule is - the more niche the topic, the lower the quantity but better the quality of response.

That's completely fair. I take your point.

It must be horrible to feel attacked as an OP, that's also a valid point.

I tend to ignore the extreme ones and move on to the ones that have a more useful response - I do think robust argument is helpful on here, and I appreciate the level of expertise from certain posters - legal experts, for example, but not just those ones. I rarely post anything incisive or hardline because I start to argue with myself half way through a post and end up hedging my bets a bit. Personal experience tends to be when I pipe up, rather than expertise. But I see this place as a fair slice of life, there are all sorts. And I'm reminded of a friend who had a no-nonsense midwife who coached her through labour, who said she needed the brusque approach - it was helpful and reassuring to know she had that person there to rely on, she didn't have to try and decide what was normal and what was concerning. Some people need a good chivvy. Some don't. Some people absolutely do come on here for an eyeroll. I kind of take what's useful and leave the rest, there's loads of it on here. I have never created my own post though, other than one about inks for refillable cartridge pens, so I've never been far above parapet!

I joined about them too.

It was certainly just as nasty in places as it is now and agree with your description of how and why.

For what it's worth, I always enjoy your posts. You're always spot on IMO.

Some people on here would have an argument ina phone box with no money.

It’s not ironic at all. Pick picking, ‘we don’t do THAT here’ is unpleasant and it is unwelcoming to other posters. You don’t see anything wrong with it; I do. You have defended it and insisted it’s fine to do. Im
suggesting that is because you have a dog in the race.

And this kind of snarky comment - not big or clever.

There are some obnoxious posters on here. Rude, aggressive and opinionated. I am learning to avoid them the way I do in real life. But it's difficult sometimes. I find it worrying that some of these people are raising children.

I'm going to use that more in conversation 😂

I don't see many of such threads. Presumably they get deleted before I see them. I always miss the best bits.

I honestly don't understand what you're saying.

We seem unlikely to agree; you seem unable to consider anyone else's viewpoint or to read what I wrote accurately, and feel ok with dismissing & mischaracterising me incorrectly and quite nastily (that's the ironic part, in the context of the thread)

For the last time, I'm describing the stylistic conventions of MN, as in what's observed, not any rule that exists, and not a personal viewpoint of mine.

I'll leave it there (xx 😊)