To think my mum should help me more with DC?

[changingstreets]

DC is 6.

He gets up between 2am, 4am is very much a lay in for me. Yes, he is on melatonin maximum dose.

I am really struggling just now. It's okay until once a month or so I just crash and feel a bit hopeless

I have fought and fought social care for additional respite, and he has the hours, but nobody will take them up and there aren't enough agency staff for it to be a regular thing

I'm shattered. I do sleep in the school day but holidays are difficult and I have a DD age 2 who doesn't do sleeping in the day, but luckily has a snooze 7-7.30 at night to morning! Sometimes sleeps until 8.

My mum is refusing to help. I go and see her every Saturday but she doesn't offer to have DS for me even once in a while.

I asked her if she could watch him whilst I got my feet done last week, and it was very much a case of 'yeah that should be okay'. I felt like I really had to rush around. It just wasn't worth it

AIBU to want and expect a little extra support?

I was left for 'another woman'. I am 26 and I was left for a 19 year old. No helpful H on the scene and he can't 'deal' with DS anymore

It's just so shit.

Hi op.if you can I think you need to have a proper talk with your mum.I don’t think I’ve seen from your posts that you have ever done that yet.and I mean like a proper adult,calm but honesty talk.tell her what you have here.that your struggling to cope and struggling to keep it all going. Ask for her help.and if she can’t do it ask for her advice.
what if she could just come round once a month.not even to baby sit but just to comfort you in your own home.she could get to no your dc and his routines and one day this might lead to first you just going upstairs for a nap or a walk and then longer days.tell her you no it’s a bloody struggle trying to keep dc stable.but you want her and him to jo each other too.that your sure he misses having his gran.

You NEVER NEEED to turn to your ex.he will destroy your son who’s already been through too much.
do you have friend even op.if mine came to me and said they were not coping I would help.I’d do what I could.no question.
I no emotionally it feels different. We all want our mums to scoop us up and help.protect.mother.it’s instinct and natural.
so tak to her allow her to see the side of you that neeeds her.

Out of curiosity, why does your dad send your mum money to live off so she doesn’t have to work? Especially as they must have split up when you were at least 10 year old (if not younger) & she went on to have 2 children with another man?

If he has enough money where he’s willing to support his ex from at least 16 years ago & two children who aren’t even his at a level where she doesn’t have to work & can afford holidays / cruises, surely he could financially help you out, his actual daughter & grandchildren? So you could buy in more childcare for your 2 year old or not have to work.

There are some really unpleasant posters on mn

Op isn't asking her mum to do more than a few hours a month, no over nights, no travelling

And wittering on about her being a parent for 27 years 🙄 I've been a parent for 27 years, my younger 2 are 11 and 9 and the 9 year old has asd . I also have a 19 year old so have been through the gcse/A level stage recently

None of that stops me helping with my gc

Why thank you, they are indeed.

No useful advice I'm afraid, but sending hugs OP, it all sounds exhausting for you, you poor thing.

Okay, but OP’s mother clearly isn’t you, and she has decided she’s unwilling to do childcare. Opinions on what she ‘should’ do make no practical difference to the OP. If she needs respite she needs to look at someone else to provide it.

it seems OP and her mother are otherwise close, and the only ‘failing’ of the mother is said unwillingness. OP cutting her mother off as punishment would also be depriving herself of that relationship.

It seems rather unfair to you.
Have you noticed men always make things work to their best interests?

I hope your situation isn't long term as eventually it'll affect your health.

But Ops DM isn't unwilling she had the DC when Op was in hospital despite the fact there is a DF plus she went for a pedicure ( got feet done?)
The issue is that the DM doesn't want to be a second parent to the DC when DC has an uninvolved father.
Contact can be supervised if he is considered a risk thus OP gets some time but she only wants her DM to do it.

True. I think the mother is fair enough - she’s offered what she can in emergencies, but she’s not going to commit to being regular childcare.

I agree. It’s sad how some people think that turning to family for help is wrong. If the family can’t help then they can assist in finding support for their family member in need. Obvious situations of health

Only she's not looking for this once a week, she'd be thrilled with once a month

I always thing a grandparent should help and should make an effort to help.
hope it gets better for you. Maybe sit down and tell her you are struggling, see if that makes a difference

Have a chat with her about this. Say that. If having DS is too much for her what could she do instead? Shopping, cleaning, cooking, looking after DD during day to give you a break.