Fuming over unexpected visitors

[Trianglio]

My partner works nights & was sleeping today, I had been out all morning & was lying on the sofa, tired after a hard week at work, not having tackled any housework yet.
I hear my partner's phone ringing upstairs & he comes downstairs announcing that his mate had just called & would be round in 10 minutes to introduce us to his new girlfriend.
I said no it's not a good time & to put him off until later when we could have a tidy up & welcome them properly.
I was overruled so I stomped upstairs. I was embarrassed at the state of the place & we had no time to tidy or get changed & my partner was bleary eyed havingbeen woken up. I heard them come in then my partner apologise for the state of the place, I called him upstairs & told him I was really pissed off, they picked up the obvious vibe & left after ten minutes.
I'm so cross & upset. I'm a very welcoming person with notice & enjoy entertaining, cooking etc for people.
Was I wrong to be incandescent with rage (I'm tired & hormonal as well plus I looked a mess, another reason why I didn't want to see anyone).
Now my partner is saying I'm a crazy devil & that I've embarrassed him. Did I overreact & how do I learn to be 'relaxed & cool' with friends 'popping round' with barely any notice? This isn't the first time this has happened.

Wow. Just wow.

Are you normally such an arse to your husband? You control him, he has to do whatever you say and what and if he doesn’t, you will beckon him upstairs like a child when he has friends round to give him a telling off?

And you expect us to believe that your initial concern was that he wasn’t getting rest? What nonsense, your initial concern was that you were happy lazing about on the sofa and were pissed off that it was interrupted by some visitors, so you decided to embarrass your husband.

Why must you get the final say? Why does his opinion and wants not matter? Why is it all about you?

Mil and sil have form for the we'll be there in 10.Fucking hate it.

Husbands fault entirely.

The friend phoned and asked if they could pop round in 10mins.

Husband should have just said no, another time.

Would have been no issue.

So yes, his fault, and he needs to see that.

The house belongs to both so whilst he can have guests whenever he wants she is also entitled to have requirements.for notice etc, so as 2 people living together you should agree the compromise going forward, eg fine for guests to call but minimum notice is eg 30 mins and if the house is untidy he needs to do the power clean and also agree when it would.be an absolute "not possible today, let's make it another day.

Also.going forward op you know even if he has worked nights you are OK to have friends round going forward - no need to tip toe round.

That goes both ways, why does he get the final say, he should have checked and as adults agree the compromise, perhaps if he has said yes, but can you make it in an hour then he would have had time to tidy up and the op tome to get ready or go out if not feeling up to it.

I’m the person that just pops in when I’m passing or have the time...You probably need to look more to your own insecurities and work on them.

And you probably need to look at your manners

And that justifies OP stomping around, and calling her husband upstairs after the friends have arrived to tell him off?

Your behaviour was shockingly bad OP

Yes it's really rude of dps mate.

If you want to be more relaxed next time this happens, dp either accepts your request that it's a bad time, or you breezy invite them in then after five minutes excuse yourself "sorry but I have lots to do, i was just innthe middle of x. have a coffee with dp, I must get on, nice to meet you, hopefully we can meet again for a proper chat soon?"

I hate unannounced visitors. I need time to tidy and do my hair. When I'm at home I'm relaxed

Surely DP’s friend must realise he works nights, so expecting to visit at that time is like visiting a 9-5 worker in the middle of the night?

You realise its his house too and has an equal say yes? You. Behaved like a stroppy teenager

@PinkPanther50 I think I must be the only person on mumsnet who doen't mind people just popping round, not that it happens very often.

I often think that people must live in very untidy houses, and only tidy up when they are expecting visitors. Our house isn't always very tidy, but it is never in the kind of state I wouldn't want anyone to see except the kitchen when I have been batch baking/cooking

Im not bothered either. My house is never that bad that I would be embarrassed to let people in.

Yes, that was a very bizarre thing to say. What on earth has being under 40 got to do with it? Very weird. 😕

What happens when we turn 40 @Butchyrestingface?

I have no idea. I'm waiting eagerly for @MintJulia to come back with the big reveal.

Yes, that was rude, I’d be annoyed too and would refuse.

Oops, sorry @Butchyrestingface. I should have paid more attention to the quote

YAB completely U.

• Your dh's friends weren't interested in what your house looked like

Everyone knows if they call in without much notice, they take you as they find you

• They did phone and check and your dh said it was fine
• If you dh doesn't want to be disturbed, he would have turned his phone off, but he has made the choice to answer
• His friends won't have committed his sleep pattern to their memory - they checked with him and he said it was fine
• Even if you wanted to sulk upstairs, calling down when they were here added to your rudeness
• Presumably it is his home too ?
• Why do you think it is okay for you to overrule him and his decision about how much sleep he needs/ wants ?

They're a bit unreasonable for asking to come round with 10 minutes notice.

He's a bit unreasonable for agreeing.

You are V V V unreasonable for "calling him upstairs" like some sort of headmaster or strict parent. They felt awkward and had to leave and he felt embarrassed.

They were stupid.
He was stupid.
You were nasty.

Well, it's his home too, so you can't really tell him "no, your friend can't come around". I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't be surprised to see mess if they call around to someone's house with short notice. I probably would have gone out in the car if I didn't want to see anyone.

I don't like unannounced guests, my parents on the other hand have always welcomed unannounced guests because growing up they always lived very close if not on the same road as family members who were always in and out of each other's house, whereas I've never had that experience so if someone comes round without an "appointment" as my dad likes to call it then I get annoyed.

i don’t think the friends coming round is an issue or your husband agreeing to it but I think your behaviour is shocking. Can you imagine mumsnet reaction if it was the other way round and a woman had posted:

“I had a friend pop round unexpectedly so I could meet there new girlfriend and my husband was angry I’d let them round with the house being messy and stomped upstairs. While they was here he called me upstairs and had a go at me. They heard or could sense something was wrong and left. Don’t know what to do….”

shocking behaviour by OP.

YANBU I would be livid and indeed I have been several times when my DH has done this.