Fuming over unexpected visitors

[Trianglio]

My partner works nights & was sleeping today, I had been out all morning & was lying on the sofa, tired after a hard week at work, not having tackled any housework yet.
I hear my partner's phone ringing upstairs & he comes downstairs announcing that his mate had just called & would be round in 10 minutes to introduce us to his new girlfriend.
I said no it's not a good time & to put him off until later when we could have a tidy up & welcome them properly.
I was overruled so I stomped upstairs. I was embarrassed at the state of the place & we had no time to tidy or get changed & my partner was bleary eyed havingbeen woken up. I heard them come in then my partner apologise for the state of the place, I called him upstairs & told him I was really pissed off, they picked up the obvious vibe & left after ten minutes.
I'm so cross & upset. I'm a very welcoming person with notice & enjoy entertaining, cooking etc for people.
Was I wrong to be incandescent with rage (I'm tired & hormonal as well plus I looked a mess, another reason why I didn't want to see anyone).
Now my partner is saying I'm a crazy devil & that I've embarrassed him. Did I overreact & how do I learn to be 'relaxed & cool' with friends 'popping round' with barely any notice? This isn't the first time this has happened.

I've never known anyone in RL to ever be incandescent with rage but on here, people flip for the tiniest thing!

I don’t recall saying he shouldn’t. She was moaning she’d had a busy week so was lying around doing nothing and he was, in fairness, on nights. Not dark ages at all (unless an expectation of reasonable manners is Neanderthal).

Friend called and asked. ✔️
DH fine with it. ✔️

I'd have left them to it.

10 minutes is long enough to brush your hair, put on a swipe of lippy and do a quick tidy up of the sitting room. Why did you get so upset? Even if DP's mate's new GF thinks your house is messy, so what? How bad actually was it? Your reaction does seem a bit extreme, I'm wondering if there are other issues here.

How bad was the house for you to act like this?

I'm sure his friends have seen untidy houses. I'd have just made a joke like "don't mind the mess, that's todays job". A quick tidy in the living room surely would have sufficed though?

I think you’ve made a drama about something that, at worst, is a bit annoying and inconvenient.

I’d be texting DP’s friend today and asking if they both fancy meeting up for a roast dinner or something today and explain you were exhausted from work.

I would have hated it too but in that ten minutes I would have made the best I could and been welcoming. Sulking upstairs must have been so awkward!

He’s also a grown man. You don’t need to protect his sleep.

I can see both sides. He should have said ‘Mate, You’ve just woke me up, can you give us an hour to get showered and straight?’ And you should have just gritted your teeth, put a bit of lippy on and given the house a 2 min tidy up. Not ideal but you should have just gone with it.

Next weekend, in order to make things right, why don’t you invite them round for coffee and say ‘Oh god last week was a nightmare for us and I was mortified when DH said to come on round, the house was a tip and I was under the weather.’

Then pull out the stops and be the hostess with the mostest.

Or just go put some clean clothes on and let DP sort out the mess.

There are circumstances in which popping round at short notice would be fine. I mean - he called to check, he didn’t just turn up.

Maybe your DP was sleep-befuddled and just said yes automatically, or maybe he is the sort of person who isn’t bothered about the house being untidy. All fine.

The problem here is that when you told your DP to put them off, he overruled you.

I've never known anyone in RL to ever be incandescent with rage but on here, people flip for the tiniest thing!

Indeed

Do people really put on a bit of lippy for casual visitors?

I had a family member who use to to this, I was a young single mam with a baby living away from family and friends (so no help) and she would phone saying:

'Just to let you know we on our way'
and if I said 'Oh, nows not a good time how about (insert another time)'
she would say 'But Im pulling into your street now I was just letting you know, see you in a minute' (she lived 40 minutes away BTW but deliberately wouldnt phone until she was outside)

And then would sit looking disgusted and then slag me off to family about what a horrific disgrace my house is (she keeps hers like a show room, everything white and minimalist).

I no longer allow any guests (havent had guests in 10 years) in my house SPECIFICALLY because of her.

I'd have been exactly like this op, and I'd have also refused to meet them and stayed upstairs. At least they took the hint and left fast.

Bloody hell, i thought you were going to say they were coming to stay for a month. To stomp off upstairs and be "incandescent with rage" is bloody ridiculous, you are a grown woman not a teenager.

I'd say the new couple are so loved up they wouldn't have noticed an elephant in your home.

Wow thanks you everyone for your comments, advice & points of view.
After a good night's sleep I shamefully realise that I was being unreasonable,
in my defence (if there is any) I am exhausted, dealing with an extremely demanding elderly parent, a very stressful job, supporting my adult children with their various life changes, financial worries & a recent breast cancer scare.
I think my emotions came out like a pressure cooker as with my partner sleeping it was my first time to relax in ages.
I had invited the friend concerned to come round for a meal this weekend but he said it was too early in the relationship, then a few days ago he said he'd be round to see us on Saturday evening as he was now single because the girlfriend had said he was 'a narcissistic psychopath '.
The mate has been single for years & often stays until 4 or 5am in the morning which is also very annoying.
I can't sleep because it's a small house & I hear them talking downstairs. Ironically he never hosts us because he says his house is a tip. He has meals with us almost every weekend.
I think it's the fact that my partner knows I don't feel comfortable with people just dropping by but will not ever try to understand why or try to work with me on not having this happen. The new girlfriend is considerably younger than us so maybe there was some insecurity on my part too if im being completely honest. Oh dear I do need to get a grip!

The problem here is that when you told your DP to put them off, he overruled you

So, she can overrule him but he can’t overrule her? Why is that?

The only thing I don't understand is you shouting for him to come upstairs while they were there.

If you ran upstairs as they arrived you could at least pretend to be out / asleep?

That's the part he was embarrassed about.

I think it's bad that you told him your DP that it wasn't a good time and to put them off until later and he overruled you! So I don't think he has a leg to stand on if you were pissed off really. I would be furious if DH did this to me. It means his/his friends feelings take precedence over yours, which wouldn't be with me. It IS his house too, but if you were uncomfortable (in your OWN home) with someone coming round at that moment, then sorry but that should have been respected.

I’d be fuming and hate this! I need time to tidy before anyone comes over plus get myself ready and if it was someone new, I’d want to make a good impression! Totally agree with you.

YANBU, it’s so fucking annoying when people do this. Particularly if you’re resting.

his mate did the right thing by ringing ahead but your partner did the wrong thing by prioritising him. Like you say, it wouldn’t have hurt to put off the visit until later in the day?

I don't mind someone popping over if I have at least an hour but 10 mins notice is very rude.

Does no one else think this is a complete wind up and the OP is just trying to squeeze in as many 'Mumsnet phrases' as possible?

Everyone saying 'a swipe of lippy' are you 100 year old?

Litrally the only person I have ever known to wear make up that was a swipe of lippy (on lips and cheak) was my 90 year old gran who died 10 years ago.

No one I have ever met is bearface wearing lipstick, if anything that looks FAR more bizaare than no make up at all and makes ZERO different to looking tired (which is usually skin and eye based).

The friend rang to see if it was ok. It's your DP's friend and he is the one working nights so surely it's up to him? You could of stayed upstairs. No wonder he is embarrassed.