Fuming over unexpected visitors

[Trianglio]

My partner works nights & was sleeping today, I had been out all morning & was lying on the sofa, tired after a hard week at work, not having tackled any housework yet.
I hear my partner's phone ringing upstairs & he comes downstairs announcing that his mate had just called & would be round in 10 minutes to introduce us to his new girlfriend.
I said no it's not a good time & to put him off until later when we could have a tidy up & welcome them properly.
I was overruled so I stomped upstairs. I was embarrassed at the state of the place & we had no time to tidy or get changed & my partner was bleary eyed havingbeen woken up. I heard them come in then my partner apologise for the state of the place, I called him upstairs & told him I was really pissed off, they picked up the obvious vibe & left after ten minutes.
I'm so cross & upset. I'm a very welcoming person with notice & enjoy entertaining, cooking etc for people.
Was I wrong to be incandescent with rage (I'm tired & hormonal as well plus I looked a mess, another reason why I didn't want to see anyone).
Now my partner is saying I'm a crazy devil & that I've embarrassed him. Did I overreact & how do I learn to be 'relaxed & cool' with friends 'popping round' with barely any notice? This isn't the first time this has happened.

I agree. OP doesn't come off well

Friends calling at short notice is mildly annoying at most.

I called him upstairs & told him I was really pissed off, they picked up the obvious vibe & left after ten minutes.
I'm so cross & upset. I'm a very welcoming person with notice & enjoy entertaining, cooking etc for people.
Was I wrong to be incandescent with rage (I'm tired & hormonal as well plus I looked a mess, another reason why I didn't want to see anyone).

A complete overreaction.

I would be advising your DP to get out of this relationship as soon as possible.

I don’t like unexpected visitors because my place is often a right mess but I think you completely overreacted, disappearing upstairs and calling him up to berate him, making your visitors (which your dh had said yes to) feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. Get a grip.
Since when do ‘appearances’ trump actual relationships? Think you’ve got your priorities all wrong. Why was the mess more important than your manners?

Are you really so arsed about what people think of your house that you’re prepared to behave like that?

Perspective. It’s a thing.

Or simply that.

Having a messy house is embarrassing. Being rude to invited visitors is far worse.

It is your DPs house too, so he is entitled to invite friends round. You could have stayed upstairs and not been involved. Calling your DH upstairs and creating an atmosphere for the people he invited is rude and puts you firmly in the wrong.

Understand why you didn't want visitors and would have been fine to tell dp to pretend you are out then explain your point of view later.

Calling him upstairs to discuss and creating an atmosphere while they were there is very unreasonable and reflects much worse than untidy house.

Why is it your housework?

Yabu, you cd have said a quick hello and made your excuses if you didn't want to see them. A messy house shouldn't stop you seeing friends, relationships are more important. No need to flounce about rudely.

YABU for seeking to control your DP and stop him from inviting his friends to his own home. And for continuing the argument after the guests arrived

10 mins is long enough to clean the toilet and brush your hair

Best thing to do would have been to be nice and friendly, then when they had left tell your partner that you really don't like last minute visiters and ask him to make sure they have more notice next time.

YABVU. You should not control who your partner sees and when but you could have gone to your bedroom and he could have said you were asleep or something.

A bit peeved yes, incandescent with rage - you need to sort yourself out.
The couple would know they had zero notice and would have to take you as they found you.

Are you in the south? A northerner wouldn’t bat an eyelid about this! In fact the door would be open and the friends would walk in without giving any notice of their arrival!

Absolutely ridiculous and incredibly rude on your part. You sound quite egocentric and lazy, to be honest. How messy was the house to not be friendly and make you react like a spoilt primary school child? How busy was your week that the house was so bad a you couldn’t say ‘sorry it’s a bit messy’ I wasn’t expecting visitors.

You don’t need to learn to be okay with people popping in. It’s your home. Your boyfriend should have had enough respect to ask you first.

Your unwelcoming behaviour is far more embarrassing than an untidy house.

Why is it your housework?

I guess because she was embarrassed at the state of it. If the boyfriend wasn't he wouldn't think to tidy up.

Why are you asking OP how just her week was and not boyfriends ? It’s his home too so he can bloody well tidy up too. You sound stuck in the dark ages to be honest.

YANBU. It needs to be a good time for both of you. Personally I cannot stand people who ‘just pop round’.

That said, the ‘stomping’ and the calling your dp upstairs seems unnecessarily stroppy and childish. Especially when your dp had told this poor couple it was ok, it’s not either fault. DP should have checked with your first. Personally I’d have sucked it up while there were there and made them welcome, but in principle I agree that unannounced visitors are the worst!

I see his point. If you were unhappy you take it up with him but be sociable. You were being rude calling him upstairs then making it so bad they picked up on the vibe and left after a few mins. I can see why he’d be embarrassed. I’d be pissed if my husband behaved like this.

I’d have been annoyed at your DP, he should have put them off until he’s spoken with you. I think I’d have gone out and left him to it rather than his upstairs.

Urgh typos. their fault, and checked with you.
I need to proof read this stuff, half my posts seem illiterate.

I couldn't begin to get worked up about a tippy house and looking scruffy. If people call in without much warning, then they have to take us as they find us. There's nothing to stop you putting the kettle on. If you are welcoming and warm, people won't give a stuff about whether you've hoovered or brushed your hair. YABVU.

I would be incandescent with rage also but I would hide it because I think you can't help how you feel but showing the rage will only go against you.

You need to discuss it. His presumption was out of order but more out of order was his apologising for you not having cleared up. That would be what made me feel murderous. I'd go for a walk and listen to music and address it another time.

Your partner is the problem so direct your anger there. The friend wouldn't jave turned up had your partner ignored the call or said timing isn't great let's do a proper visit at another time.

YANBU however it wasn’t really an unexpected visit because they called before they showed up. They probably didn’t realise he had been on nights and your partner could have told them it was a bad time.

However, visitors that show up completely unannounced really irritate me and I find it rude. This happens to us often and it was particularly bad after we’d had DS. We had visitors turn up unannounced just 12 hours after I’d been discharged from hospital.