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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH taking toddler on day trip not the supermarket as he said

153 replies

Daytrip2 · 12/11/2022 14:14

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not, but I am feeling pretty hurt to be honest.

So I've had a really horrible time recently. Wave after wave of crisis. Big stuff. And throughout it all I've been pretty much 100% left to deal with childcare, which has been really tough. DH works away at times, can't be helped.

So this morning DH says he's going to take the baby for a walk in the pram down in our local village, to give me some space (after I'd asked him for some time to myself).

10 minutes before he leaves the house - our dog has broken into the bin. He's fuming about it. He says - right I'm going to buy us a new bin, where should I go? I said supermarket - get one from Argos. We're in a bit of a fight at this stage because he has properly lost his ragged about the dog getting in the bin and I'm saying - I really don't need this right now. So he's like - oh so it's fine when you have a rant but not me. Maybe important because when he left it was on an argument. But anyway off he goes with the baby and in the car because he's going to the supermarket now.

I come upstairs to rest and about an hour later I get a text that he isn't in the supermarket buying a bin and he hasn't gone into our local village for a walk. He's gone to a picturesque town centre - think somewhere like York. A good 45 minute motorway drive away. Somewhere we've been planning to visit but haven't done so yet.

And I'm just sat here so hurt by that. I've had such a rotten time of things, and it's like I'm being punished for asking for some help. I wanted a couple of hours to myself but now he's taken her off for the day and had he said - 'come on luv, let's all get dressed, how about we go into 'York' for the day' - I would have said, 'alright yeah that sounds lovely'. That would have cheered me right up and would have been a lovely way to spend Saturday.

Feels like a slap in the face. When I said on the text back to him - I would have liked to have done that. He replied, it wasn't on purpose, she was napping so he kept driving and that's where he ended up.

Maybe I'm just being unreasonable. Feeling really depressed at the moment and quite sorry for myself that I always get the shit end of everything.

Moreover, he left at 11am and it's now 2pm - so not the hour out of the house he originally said and I have no idea when he's planning on coming back. He has to respond to my text asking.

I'm just sat here, alone, sad, depressed not knowing when they will be back. I just wanted an hour to myself and instead I get this.

OP posts:
MRex · 12/11/2022 14:16

Eh? Just have a nap, and arrange a day trip for another time. Being annoyed that he's given you a break seems a bit odd to be honest.

Dinosaurpoopy · 12/11/2022 14:16

I'd say you are being unreasonable as you asked for space and he gave it to you but I would probably he hurt too

BlackberryCat · 12/11/2022 14:16

I suspect it was on purpose though. He knew you'd be upset and that's why he did it.

PortiasBiscuit · 12/11/2022 14:17

Aren’t you lucky, a full day to yourself? Why are you moping about, have a bath, go and get lunch, shopping.. go back to bed anything. In the meantime child is having quality time with Daddy.

ErinAoife · 12/11/2022 14:18

Just enjoy your time on your own. Relax

Angelofthenortheast · 12/11/2022 14:19

Yeah I would be hurt too, but I think sometimes people do this because they're feeling on the edge and this is the only way to bring back some equilibrium after a near argument.

If I were you, I'd put them out of your mind and take a full 'you' day. Go out somewhere if you can and put them out of your mind for another few hours.

Sirzy · 12/11/2022 14:19

I think really he has been sensible, he has given you the child free time you needed, he is giving you a few hours apart. if you had gone to then it would have been a tension full day.

enjoy the peace and do something nice for you

Colacoco · 12/11/2022 14:20

The baby slept so kept on driving thing has definitely occured in my family.

It sounds reasonable as does taking the baby out for longer

Only you know if it fits within a bit useless, but well intentioned personality or if his personality means its very unlikely that it was a nice thought, and is more of a dig

Fireballxl5 · 12/11/2022 14:21

Tbh I can see both sides.
You can't change what he's done now so have a rest or do something you've been meaning to get on with but needed peace to do.

CornishGem1975 · 12/11/2022 14:23

I doubt I'd feel 'hurt' that seems like a massive overreaction to be honest, you wanted space, he's given it to you.

Maybebabyno2 · 12/11/2022 14:23

It's my dream for dp to be our with our son for a couple of hours. I never get to relax in the house on my own!

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/11/2022 14:24

You asked him for some time to yourself; after the bickering before he left he clearly didn’t want to return for more of it and is allowing you both some space to chill. Enjoy having a day go yourself. Go and have a drink or a coffee somewhere and read your book.

FlounderingFruitcake · 12/11/2022 14:25

You asked for alone time. Sounds pretty impromptu if it was just about letting baby sleep. You can easily go to York another time if you live that close. As long as he buys the bin on the way home then I really don’t get why you’d be remotely annoyed, it makes no sense.

Cuppasoupmonster · 12/11/2022 14:28

YABU. Time for a bubble bath, a hot chocolate with a dash of something strong and to catch up on beauty treatments in front of Netflix. Be calm and serene when he gets back, thank him for giving you some space and get the evening off to a good start.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 12/11/2022 14:31

YABU. You can't control what he does in his time off and you're obviously not the only person here who feels emotions. Stop being silly and wasting this nice child free day. Do something nice for yourself. Plan a trip to 'York' with DH another day (and spend less time working out where to park as he'll know already).

ZooMemories · 12/11/2022 14:33

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Desmondo2021 · 12/11/2022 14:35

You asked him for some time out and he's given you some time out. A very easy YABU for me!

Daytrip2 · 12/11/2022 14:36

I don't know if this is relevant which is why I didn't know whether to include it but I've just lost a parent. That's why I'm emotional right now.

But fair enough if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Hobbi · 12/11/2022 14:37

Daytrip2 · 12/11/2022 14:14

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not, but I am feeling pretty hurt to be honest.

So I've had a really horrible time recently. Wave after wave of crisis. Big stuff. And throughout it all I've been pretty much 100% left to deal with childcare, which has been really tough. DH works away at times, can't be helped.

So this morning DH says he's going to take the baby for a walk in the pram down in our local village, to give me some space (after I'd asked him for some time to myself).

10 minutes before he leaves the house - our dog has broken into the bin. He's fuming about it. He says - right I'm going to buy us a new bin, where should I go? I said supermarket - get one from Argos. We're in a bit of a fight at this stage because he has properly lost his ragged about the dog getting in the bin and I'm saying - I really don't need this right now. So he's like - oh so it's fine when you have a rant but not me. Maybe important because when he left it was on an argument. But anyway off he goes with the baby and in the car because he's going to the supermarket now.

I come upstairs to rest and about an hour later I get a text that he isn't in the supermarket buying a bin and he hasn't gone into our local village for a walk. He's gone to a picturesque town centre - think somewhere like York. A good 45 minute motorway drive away. Somewhere we've been planning to visit but haven't done so yet.

And I'm just sat here so hurt by that. I've had such a rotten time of things, and it's like I'm being punished for asking for some help. I wanted a couple of hours to myself but now he's taken her off for the day and had he said - 'come on luv, let's all get dressed, how about we go into 'York' for the day' - I would have said, 'alright yeah that sounds lovely'. That would have cheered me right up and would have been a lovely way to spend Saturday.

Feels like a slap in the face. When I said on the text back to him - I would have liked to have done that. He replied, it wasn't on purpose, she was napping so he kept driving and that's where he ended up.

Maybe I'm just being unreasonable. Feeling really depressed at the moment and quite sorry for myself that I always get the shit end of everything.

Moreover, he left at 11am and it's now 2pm - so not the hour out of the house he originally said and I have no idea when he's planning on coming back. He has to respond to my text asking.

I'm just sat here, alone, sad, depressed not knowing when they will be back. I just wanted an hour to myself and instead I get this.

You first said you wanted a couple of hours to yourself, then you said you wanted an hour, but not if he went somewhere nice, in which case you don't want to be by yourself at all! Safe to say, you're the unreasonable one here.

NiceTwin · 12/11/2022 14:38

My dh used to do this when our dd were young.
I'd be having a lovely, relaxing day at home and he'd send me pictures of them on a boat on Lake Windermere.

I was jealous for a nano second before remembering it was nice for him and them to have time together, he worked away Monday to Friday.

Miss those weekends, they are of the age where they'd rather not be seen with their parents 🤣

insweetharmony · 12/11/2022 14:39

You’re being ridiculous. You asked for space, you got it. Sounds like he can’t do right for doing wrong

MrsSchrute · 12/11/2022 14:39

Desmondo2021 · 12/11/2022 14:35

You asked him for some time out and he's given you some time out. A very easy YABU for me!

Exactly this.
Nothing to stop you arranging a trip to the same place as a family down the line.
Don't beat yourself up op, you're grieving. Be gentle with yourself.

BiggerBoat1 · 12/11/2022 14:42

You asked for time to yourself and you've got it. Enjoy your relaxing day instead of looking for ways to feel offended. You'll really regret it if you spend the day moping.

Tessabelle74 · 12/11/2022 14:42

Good lord, poor bloke can't win! You got a lovely afternoon of peace and you're still pissed off? YABU

FlounderingFruitcake · 12/11/2022 14:43

Sorry about your loss. Yes you’re still being nuts but totally understandable why. None of us are rational all the time Flowers