DH taking toddler on day trip not the supermarket as he said

[Daytrip2]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not, but I am feeling pretty hurt to be honest.

So I've had a really horrible time recently. Wave after wave of crisis. Big stuff. And throughout it all I've been pretty much 100% left to deal with childcare, which has been really tough. DH works away at times, can't be helped.

So this morning DH says he's going to take the baby for a walk in the pram down in our local village, to give me some space (after I'd asked him for some time to myself).

10 minutes before he leaves the house - our dog has broken into the bin. He's fuming about it. He says - right I'm going to buy us a new bin, where should I go? I said supermarket - get one from Argos. We're in a bit of a fight at this stage because he has properly lost his ragged about the dog getting in the bin and I'm saying - I really don't need this right now. So he's like - oh so it's fine when you have a rant but not me. Maybe important because when he left it was on an argument. But anyway off he goes with the baby and in the car because he's going to the supermarket now.

I come upstairs to rest and about an hour later I get a text that he isn't in the supermarket buying a bin and he hasn't gone into our local village for a walk. He's gone to a picturesque town centre - think somewhere like York. A good 45 minute motorway drive away. Somewhere we've been planning to visit but haven't done so yet.

And I'm just sat here so hurt by that. I've had such a rotten time of things, and it's like I'm being punished for asking for some help. I wanted a couple of hours to myself but now he's taken her off for the day and had he said - 'come on luv, let's all get dressed, how about we go into 'York' for the day' - I would have said, 'alright yeah that sounds lovely'. That would have cheered me right up and would have been a lovely way to spend Saturday.

Feels like a slap in the face. When I said on the text back to him - I would have liked to have done that. He replied, it wasn't on purpose, she was napping so he kept driving and that's where he ended up.

Maybe I'm just being unreasonable. Feeling really depressed at the moment and quite sorry for myself that I always get the shit end of everything.

Moreover, he left at 11am and it's now 2pm - so not the hour out of the house he originally said and I have no idea when he's planning on coming back. He has to respond to my text asking.

I'm just sat here, alone, sad, depressed not knowing when they will be back. I just wanted an hour to myself and instead I get this.

ZooMemories
Who are the f'ing c'nt bags saying yabu?! Of course you're definitely NBU!!!! FlowersCakeBrew He's a teat, utterly vengeful at a situation that wasn't your fault...you have no communication and He's got your baby...yes I know it's his yo, but that's not the point. Utter twat xxxx

You sound completely deranged - are you feeling unwell?

Your emotions are on a roller coaster. You asked for time alone, he’s giving you plenty. It’s not meant to be punishment for him to have the DC by himself out for the day, it’s better for the two of them to do something fun. Instead of moping around take a nap, read, do whatever you like. Enjoy the solitude.

The bin can wait. Sounds like you both need a break from the daily grind and to be honest, from each other as well.

THIS
It is plausible deniability.

Just enjoy the break you can get lockable dogproof bin's BTW.

You’re being ridiculous.

Make the most of some lovely time to yourself. Which you asked for 🥴

ZooMemories
Who are the f'ing c'nt bags saying yabu?! Of course you're definitely NBU!!!! FlowersCakeBrew He's a teat, utterly vengeful at a situation that wasn't your fault...you have no communication and He's got your baby...yes I know it's his yo, but that's not the point. Utter twat xxxx

Are you ok?

Yes, I agree with this.

It was okay for him to give you time alone when it involved a boring trip to the supermarket to buy a bin, but suddenly it's not okay when it involves him making the most of a sunny Saturday with his toddler.

I would fucking LOVE a day to myself. I guess he thought you might like it too.

Ohh I sooo get this. You need a break so ask dad to do some childcare but it's flipping Disney-dadding so end up missing out on a nice time. Meanwhile you'll still be lumbered with the boring end of parenting, housekeeping and mental load. It's infuriating but you don't feel you can be angry because they're 'giving you a break'.

Totally reasonable to be annoyed.

It kind of sounds like you asked for space, being around you is stressful so he has decided to give you the space you wanted. Good for him, far too often we hear about useless DH's not looking are their children.

I can see why you're hurt OP and would probably feel the same as it always makes me feel more depressed feeling like I'm missing out on something fun. I think the considerate thing would have been to ask if you wanted to come.

But now it's happened, I would just try to relax and enjoy the time to yourself! Both things have perks, make the best of what's happening or you'll kick yourself for wasting the opportunity.

He works away ffs. Even OP says it can’t be helped. If he sat on his arse with the kids all day watching telly you’d be all ‘He’s their dad why can’t he cope taking them out for the day when you asked for space’

I think if I was in a pants mood, stressed and irritable, and my baby fell asleep in the car, I might keep going a bit too.

I mean, it's a shame and I can appreciate why you are upset.

He might be a bell end. He might just be stressed and taking the easy path.

I think intentions matter here. Is he trying to give you a break or upset you by doing something nice and excluding you?
If I were you, I'd try to enjoy the day and tell him to buy a bin before he comes home.
I'm so sorry for your loss 💐💐

This

Having just lost a parent changes things here, OP. you should have included that in the OP.

YANBU. I think it was pretty shit of him to do that without a word, frankly, under the circumstances. He should have taken a deep breath, remembered he's supposed to love you and be there for you, and asked if you wanted to go for a nice walk with them, not just disappear for several hours when he was only meant to go down to the shops for an hour.

Yes you are unreasonable but your grieving, tired and I’m sensing it’s the first time you’ve had such a period of time away from baby. This might be contributing to your feelings as it’s another loss/change of routine.

Pick yourself and dust yourself off. Maybe text him asking him to pick up some tea stuff or takeaway on way back. This isn’t worth an argument about.

"I suspect it was on purpose though. He knew you'd be upset and that's why he did it."

The above was inexplicably extropolated from your original post by a kind PP trying to make you feel even worse. Did it work?

Hi - thank you for everyone for responding.

He walked through the door quite unexpectedly about 45 mins ago. I think he probably did storm out in a huff, decided to go to York as a bit of a screw you I'm going to have a nice day, and then probably got an attack of conscious shortly after arriving there, went to one shop before heading home (without a new bin I may add, haha)

But he did come back with a little Christmas decoration for me and a baby with a big beaming smile to see me.

Anyway, the thread has made me feel heaps better - for the ones who said YANBU, it helped feel a bit like - I'm not entirely crazy for feeling like this (so thank you), i think he did storm out in a huff. For the ones who said YABU but did so kindly - you helped me consider another perspective, that I am up and down right now - he probably can't do right for doing wrong right now with me and maybe in future when he says he's going to the supermarket - after ive asked for a couple of hours - I will remember to double check he doesn't mean euro Disney or something, haha.

Thank you all though - mean that.xx

You wanted sometime on your own.
He gave you time on your own.

Can't see what he's done is so bad 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is some bat shittery on this thread!
He's a twat/vindictive/has done this on purpose to be cruel/he shouldn't do fun stuff with out you...
All those saying things like that do you think if OP does anything fun with the baby while he's working away that she's a vindictive twat?

Ah, there's nothing better than a beaming baby

Glad you feel a bit better now OP.

@Hobbi

care to back that up with an actual explanation, if not it's a bit pointless. Not to mention rude.

@SkylightSkylight not really, as it's self evidently a deranged rant, possibly due to projection.

I think losing a parent in law can be hard too. Obviously it’s much harder for the actual child of that parent, but I’m very close to my in-laws. My father in law has been very very sick recently and we’ve all been worried about him. I have taken over everything at home and let my husband just do what they need him to do, which is absolutely the way it should be, but it’s been hard for me as well as him. Just not as hard.

i guess what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that maybe he needed some space and time away too. Maybe things are hard for him too. Hence the bin rant.