***********TO WANT A POSITIVE BIRTH THREAD?**************

[auntilin]

I'm sick to death of all the negative spin!

Giving birth is the most natural thing in the world, its what we were made for...

Auntilin. I didn't think it was actually to feel worse about what happened when my daughter came into this world but you managed to make me feel worse...well done

I was starting to feel better with the support I had been receiving on mumnet but reading this thread makes me feel selfish for daring to ask for help.

I didn't want to lose so much blood I can't remember the next two days

I didn't want to have flashbacks and nightmares that I still get today 17 months later

I didn't want to dread a second pregnancy and the thought of labour because of what happened last time.

Gee Wizz, I shouldn't dare post for help and support. Are only those mums who have a perfect fucking birth and no drugs allowed to share experiences on here ?

I just hope that you don't have to endure one day what many other mums have already had to endure... a terrible unnatural life threatening so called 'birth' experience.

You really are a selfish uncaring person to write this kind of post in AIBU.

Penny.... MN is a collection of things. It is to the most part a hugely supportive network. It is not a fluffy site so people tend to post with ... um... candor.... Anyhoo..

I think that if someone were to start a thread in Childbirth/Pregnancy asking for postive birth stories the thread would quickly fill.

The OP asked if she was being unreasonable. Some people clearly thought that she was. We don't always get the answers that we want.

I think (after a long time on MN and seeing worse threads come and go) that if a thread like this makes people want to leave then perhaps they should. Not because they are unwelcome but simply because we are a HUGE collection of people with differing opinions. Also, we all like to put our point of view across and so it might seem that people are piling in. Often we type our posts, press send and then read back.

Lots of amazing things go on on MN. If you search the archives you see reams of threads about the Christmas Appeal, where MNers have been tracked down because they have tried to commit suicide or are in a desperate state.

Don't write it off because a thread or two annoy/upset/disappoint you. Plenty on here to be thankful for.

I know, I am totally naive about birth because, as you say, we all are, and I think I like it that way

I guess I just feel shocked at the way people have reacted to this. I know it's something that everyone (understandably) takes very personally, and people have strong feelings about, but I was honestly shocked at the way it descended within a few posts into "you are the most awful person ever to walk the earth", "No, you are!" etc.

I know people react to their personal circumstances, but it was as if the OP, by saying "I want to hear positive birth stories" (as we've already acknowledged, too aggresively, and in the wrong place, but still...) had actually said "Custardo, your experience means nothing", which she clearly didn't.

Anyway, think I will now take your advice, click off and hide the thread!

Blimey, when people want a fight they really want a fight don't they? I am stunned at how quickly this thread degenerated.

For what it is worth...

auntilin, YANU to want to see a positive thread - everyone likes happy stories. Suggest you start such a thread in the appropariate place. Not here, where, I suspect, you were deliberately goading people. If you're that bored I have a great pile of ironing you could tackle for me.

However, to talk about "negative spin" in this context makes my jaw drop. If you have had a positive experience then I am truly delighted for you. Alas it is not the case for all. That is not spin. That is cold, sharp reality.

There is a place and a need to share happy stories. Equally, there is a place to share sadness, anger, confusion and regret. One should not in any way detract or belittle the other - which is what seems to have happened on this thread (I'm not even going to go into all the name calling).

Thread has made me sad and angry in equal measure.

Auntilins posts are vile actually. REally unpleasant and mean spirited and nasty. I saw her post on the thread where people were sharing their fears about childbirth where she said 'get over yourselves' and implied people terrified of childbirth having had a bad birth experience were basically pretty pathetic.

Positive stories are fantastic to hear, i personally love a good birth story. But many many women are left traumatised and sometimes permanently damaged. It's NOT a state of mind, you don't get a good birth because you're mentally stronger and decide to just get on with it. I had a horrible second birth with a baby in scbu with rhesus disease, ,i had a bad drug reaction and was in shock - it took me months to get over it - only finally getting up the courage to discuss it 3 months later actually helped me to put it behind me.

You could have said 'lets have some positive birth stories' and that would have been fine. Being rude and shitty to people who have had a rough time is just piss ignorant.

It was the attack on Custardo and the insulting changing of her name.

Still.... onwards and upwards. See you on other threads!

There is a positive birth stories thread that someone started recently isn't there? So a search in either pG or childbirth should locate it...

There are no medals for childbirth. You cannot be 'good' at it, or 'bad' at it - it is what it is. Yes, it is a natural process but it is also one of the most dangerous things a woman will do (I think I repeat ).

I personally love to hear the spectrum of childbirth, and feel very lucky to have access to so many other mothers' experiences, views and support...even the ones I don't agree with!

Jeez!

Elffriend, great post!

B.E, please don't let this thread bother you, it's only a few peopel that seem to think bad birth stories cannot and should not be mentioned, I'm sure the vast majority of people know your situation and feel for you.

Arghhhhhhh.

Agree totally with Elffriend. YANBU for wanting to read about positive birth stories BUT was positively that you dismiss the stories of less than perfect births as "negative spin".

Even those without medical emergencies sometimes find childbirth traumatic and as this is a "forum" they have the right to share their stories and ask for some reassurance and guidance from others who have had the same experience. They are not deliberately setting out to "scare first time mums".

Posting in the AIBU thread is inviting debate about your thoughts and therefore you should not be namecalling just because someone disagrees with your views.

No, I have not had any "bad" experiences (have 3 dcs) but had I not read some of the experiences from other mums would have felt extremely unprepared and a bit of a failure that I didn't exactly find childbirth enjoyable.

I know I shouldn't but it does make me feel bad, VS

As the implication (from the OP) is that I somehow deserved or chose to have a crappy experience, just to moan on this site and bore her, of the perfect natural birth.

The OP also posted nastly on this thread

I hope this person is a troll because it is a horrible thought that someone so self centred with no empathy for the suffering of others could actually be raising children.

Babies, I really got pissed off reading this too - but don't feel bad, I do think she's in a very grotty little minority - most people who have actually experienced childbirth, whatever way it went for them, would have empathy and understanding that it can be really quite frightening and that support and understanding is needed. Don't be put off by the odd teenage boy / hairy trucker.

BE: I think childboirth is scary for most people, whether they have a positive experience / easy birth or not, esp first time around. I got off pretty lightly. Still took me a while to get my head around the shock of actually having been through it. The recovery time if you do have a seriously traumatic birth must be so much more difficult. The vast majority of people on here aren't going to judge you for having an awful birth experience because ... well ... it's just weird. Bit like saying 'oh you had an accident crossing the road well I get across fine all the time so stop moaning and get on with it'. There are some straaaange people out there...

i hope nanninurse, is neither a nurse nor a nanny if her empathy levels are at minus a million

auntilin has clearly never met anyone with PTSD or PND after a traumatic birth, or she would have some more empathy

i doubt either will come back to this thread, as they have made their nasty little points and will no doubt be looking for other people to feel superior to elswhere.

I had a postive birth experience.

However, I do not know how I would have coped if it had gone wrong. I am just thankful it went as well as it did and I hope any subsequent births go as well.

The attitude of the OP beggars belief. IMHO.

I should probably read the whole thread, but am too urgh and argh to bother, and I want to reply to an OP I will.

There. Justification for can't be arsedness over.

Yes, lots of "negative spin".

Plague is natural.

Death is natural.

Gangrene....

You get the picture.

Woohoo you had good births. So did I as it happens.

Not everyone does, what with us all being different... naturally n everything.

You'd get on well with the nurse who spent my pregnancy with DD telling me that it isn't an illness - I never said it was. I said that I couldn't work what with throwing up 22 hours out of 24 every single day.

Birth is the biggest thing that a woman goes through - good and bad.

Women need to share that experience. It isn't about making it bad for other people or putting a negative spin on - it is about talking about that life changing experience and working through anything that you feel afterwards as a result - good or bad.

Be supportive.

WOW, this is really pesonal now.

Yes, i am a nurse and a nanny and a mum and and and etc , why are you directing your anger at me?

OK, i found the name change funny.

What else??

Oh yes, i had a great birth too..

ok, maybe i am overstepping the mark a little, but your 'cuntardo' comment was disgusting iMO

someone shares a story about how their birth was horrific , traumatic and frightening, and you come back with that?

i am sure in your real life you are the epitome of understanding and empathetic

maybe the humour of your post passed me by?

the OP was confrontational and rude, and excacerbated by your comment IMO

i also picked up auntilin on what she said, but she has not come back to this

i have had one traumatic birth, one fantastic one, i know after my traumatic birth a thread like this would have destroyed me

I have 2 children. my Ds birth was horrific. 74 hours,epidural, epesiotomy, forceps, lots of stitches and time in scubu.

my dd was a breeze. 3 hours start to finish and not so much as an aspirin for pain relief. totally natural. yes i did tear slightly but it was decided that i didn't even need stitching.

yes it is nice to hear positive birth stories especially when you are pregnant with your first. but at the same time negative birth stories go to prove that childbirth is a major thing. it is not something to be taken lightly.
i know of 3 people who died during childbirth or complications afterwards.

im sorry but the attitude of "women do it every day all over the world" is so totally wrong.
childbirth is a massive killer in some of the third world countries.

And quite frankly nanninurse some of your comments on this thread have been disgusting!

Think how you felt when you posted this thread in health.

You posted for support, should I start a AIBU thread about stupid people moaning about breast lumps ? Wait, I couldn't do that as I have compassion for others.

Think how you felt when you posted this thread in health.

You posted for support, should I start a AIBU thread about stupid people moaning about breast lumps ? Wait, I couldn't do that as I have compassion for others.