Husband converted to Islam

[newbookonshelf]

What would you make of this? Not sure what I'm asking. He's trying to find himself I suppose. We're all looking for meaning in this world. I've thought about religion many times, but just not sure what to make of it right now.

Deal breaker for me too

That's really interesting. Would you feel the same if your husband converted to any other belief system? What if he converted to Judaism or became a Hindu?

Personally speaking, yes. I'd say the same if my DH became a Christian.

I don't want to be married to someone who is religious which is why I married an atheist. He's changing the goalposts hugely and that's a big red flag to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d be gone I’m afraid.

That's fair enough. Completely understandable.

When my DH "found God" he was in the middle of a mental health crisis. That would be my initial worry.

So what if they find hope and comfort in a certain religion at some point in their life.

Especially if they don't force it onto someone else it is their choice as it is their life.

But I guess if you want someone to stay exactly as you want them to then it is best to leave.

If it was my husband I'd think he was having a mental health crisis. We both have no religious inclinations and don't believe in God.

Islam is not the sort of religion people tend to convert to half heartedly, so how does he expect it to impact your family life.

Is it the community aspect of the religion that he is seeking? A brotherhood? Just wondering why he's chosen Islam over Christianity or Judaism for example? You'll need to find out what it is about Islam that resonates with him.

You can’t care very much about people around you if you see someone changing dramatically and think ‘so what’

it’s a shame you would be so ambivalent to seeing someone struggle

A lot of people (me included), the ability to believe in religion shows a break from reality and indicates a detachment from their previously held moral and intellectual beliefs
i would worry what has motivated this, whether they were under the influence of someone and/or unhappy enough with life to make sure a dramatic change in themselves

Just like if a tee-totaller suddenly developed a drinking problem or an avid exerciser started being totally sedentary and binging on junk food

My husband is muslim and i am Christian white British. Husband is an north African immigrant to UK. It is possible to be happily married when your religious views are different.

However, I would be very worried in your situation op. White british converts tend to be very zealous, as pps have said.
How has this conversion come about? Has he been spending time with other muslims? Has he been watching YouTube videos? There are so much stuff online to try and get people to convert to Islam, the vast majority is misleading crap and often its dangerous.
I would speak to him and find out where its come from. Highly doubtful he just randomly picked up the Quran and had a revalation, more likely he's been influenced in some other way.

I know it may be difficult to hear but, if he is a genuine informed convert, him converting to Islam should positively impact his relationship with you and his kids (if you have any) as family is highly emphasised in Islam.

The thing is, learning about Islam needs to be based on truth and accurate sources. It is SO easy to get pulled into some fake red pill misogynistic version with some pumped up men who are on lol there too mislead.

again, community support is vital.

there are some really great online ones too that welcome non-Muslim relatives/partners of converts in a safe welcoming space.

Good luck to you, OP.
As a PP said, the Zeal of the Convert (to any religious or ideological persuasion) can be quite overwhelming.
I think posters suggesting an actual conversion is going to be something that could exist in happy tandem with OP's existing lifestyle are possibly naïve. Embracing God is supposed to touch one's whole life, and it is unrealistic to expect OP's spouse to keep his new found faith to himself and not want to see his conviction reflected in other parts of his life. You are going to need to be very strong, and clear about what you want for yourself and your DC, in order to make sure you don't 'compromise' your way into a relationship and lifestyle that is not going to serve you.

A friend's husband converted to Islam and it brought out a really bossy and misogynistic side of him. He started bullying her and they eventually split up.

He's now happily married to a much younger and less independent woman who shares his faith. I'm not sure how happy the new wife is though.

Sadly I think a lot of people who claim to follow any faith will only pick and choose the rules that suit them.

My friend converted to Islam when he married an Muslim wife. I remember him saying the way it was put to him was "Islam is like a house and it's up to you how many rooms you fill with it". From his - and his wife's - angle, they didn't fill many rooms at all and it's a small part of their lives that meant they could be married. I guess you'd need to see how many rooms your DH fills with it and in what way, but I wouldn't pre-suppose there's any negative side unless there's evidence of it from his behaviour changing. The negative associations tend to be about cultural (sometimes mis)interpretations rather than the religion itself.

As a Christian who has supported quite a few converts to Christianity who are not teens or children, I think there are two types: genuine converts who have been searching their whole lives for something to believe in and...people with an undiagnosed mental health problem. The former remain Christians and gradually change their lives without pressuring others and work on their on faith and character. The latter are vulnerable, try to convert everyone and try to change their entire life in six weeks before imploding and feeling horribly guilty. I really try to support them but I can almost always pick out the spiritual journeys from the "I have to change my entire life right now" mental health crises just by talking with them.

This probably isn't a popular opinion but I think when people convert to a religion as an adult, there's usually a bit more to it than just feeling something is missing or that life isn't rich enough without the layer that religion brings. There are usually other issues in the mix which it would be good to look honestly at as a couple.

I am married to a Muslim and feel very comfortable about the faith and have never felt any pressure to convert. However, I knew about the situation and how it would impact my choices before we married, which was a big difference to yours, and my husband hasn't changed his belief system part way through our marriage.

One thing to be aware of if that you have children, the bottom line is that they will be expected to be brought up as Muslims and this is the fathers responsibility. That's what the Quran clearly says, and your husband can be expected to be challenged on this from the community if he has no plans to step in here.

Absolutely.

Can you explain to me why you think converting to Islam will make him a better husband father brother etc please?

One of my best mates converted to Islam and it brings her so much happiness. It's a wonderful thing for her. She's surrounded by Muslim friends and a Muslim husband, though so she has a really deep and well versed understanding of it. All I'd say about your husband is that it's important to make sure he's engaging with the community the right way (sometimes radicalisers are the ones that prompt an out of the blue conversion and obviously that's not the path anyone should take!! - it's not the real Islam). That's the only thing I'd be worried about. If he's engaging well with the community the right way and not really pressuring you to do it, it could end up being a great thing in his life.

That is one individual. A horrible one by the sound of it. However
I don't think this will apply to everyone who converts to a religion.

Absolutely none neither would I want that of course.

We have a daughter I mean no intentions. It really is a personal thing to him.

So what if they find hope and comfort in a certain religion at some point in their life.

Especially if they don't force it onto someone else it is their choice as it is their life.

Honestly, if DH woke up and told me he'd found comfort in God, I'd think he was having some kind of breakdown.

Him choosing religion would be such a huge flip in his behaviour that it would be genuinely quite scary to me.

If you don't want children and a family life that may also be an issue with continuing the relationship.

Is he going to keep his religion to himself or expect you to change? I wonder what was his reasoning behind this? I am an athiest so I will not be happy if my partner did this. But each to their own.