To want to wring DDs neck! Would you have been worried?

[FlippingKids]

DD started a new job yesterday in London. She said she was going out for after work drinks with her new colleagues tonight(last night) but was only going to be for an hour and still wanted dinner saved. That was at 5.30pm.

We live about 20 mins drive from the last stop on an underground line and not many taxis there at night. I texted her at about 10pm asking if she wanted a lift from the underground as no buses after that time and it costs about £15 for a Uber and she’s short of money until she gets paid. No response. Last train gets in at 1.30am and I wanted to go to bed so I try again at about 12am. Phone seems to be dead as going to voicemail and messages not answered. DH trying as well.

Started to get concerned as thinking if she has no battery, can’t get an Uber and she may be stuck at station (not walkable as 12 miles away). She obviously doesn’t know new colleagues so can’t imagine she’d have gone home with them and if she had she could have charged her phone right? Start thinking something’s happened.

Contacted her boyfriend to see if he’s heard from her and he said he’d texted her at 7pm but she hadn’t responded and he’d thought it was odd but that assumed she was already home. He rang round other friends and none had heard from her either.

I decide to drive to station at 1am in case she’s there and can’t get back. She’s not there so wait for last train as thinking after that she’s stuck in London. She then rings me at 1.35am to say she’s been having such a good time she hadn’t looked at her phone or noticed the time and her company were going to get her to get a taxi so it’s fine.

AIBU to think she could have said this earlier, especially as she said she’d be home for dinner! Not that I’m bothered what she’s doing but I just wanted to know she was safe especially in London at night after drinking.

She’s 25 but would you have been worried (and furious) in this situation?

You have my every sympathy OP. I am staggered at the people who think what she did is OK. If she hadn't asked you to make food, and had said she'd be late, that is completely different. Essentially she had been missing since about 7pm.

I hope she comes to understand that she needs to grow up and act like a responsible 25 year old.

Then she should act like a responsible 25 year old and not a thoughtless 16 year old.

Worried yes, furious no. She's 25, not 18.

That being said, I'd be inclined to sit her down after the dust has settled, and tell her how worried you were.
When she's off living on her own, she can literally do as she pleases, and you'll never know. But while she's still living with you, and enjoying the benefits of that, then she needs to keep you informed of her plans.

And, for what it's worth, you baby her too much. Until I got to the mention of her age right at the end, I honestly thought this was a post about a 16/17/18 year old girl. Not a woman in her mid-20s. Maybe time both of you toughened up a bit.

Age irrelevant, courtesy to have let you know especially as you’d cooked dinner for her.

Totally unacceptable in my book to behave like this when living with other people. Yes, she’s an adult and can do as she pleases, that goes without saying.

However when you live with other people it’s not on to mess them about like this, giving one time then not not adhering to it or communicating in any way.

I would expect a fully functioning adult to say something like, “sorry won’t be back at x time, not sure when I’ll be back, don’t wait up”.

As someone who had a family member go missing and have something utterly devastating happen to them on a night out in London, you were completely justified in worrying. Sadly horrible things DO happen to women of all ages. I’d have felt exactly the same as you if it had been my daughters.

I’m very sorry to hear that. I wonder how many of the posters who think it’s ridiculous to worry about a 25 year old not coming back till hours after they were expected have kids that age living at home?

Its not about not letting them have their own life or answering to anyone about their social life.

My son is 19, I don’t care if he stays in his room every night or goes away for weeks on end. But if he says he’ll be home tonight and he doesn’t come home I’m going to worry. He just has to text and say ‘Change of plans, I won’t be home til tomorrow morning ’ and that’s it. Or he can just say on Friday ‘I probably won’t be home til Sunday night’. That’s it.

When he doesn’t live with me, it’s different, I won’t be expecting him home.

Yes, if you notice I started my comment with the fact that her daughter should have texted. It’s common courtesy.

Doesn’t mean she needs to be babied though

Child, partner or parent.

she has been unreasonable not you.

infact she has been inconsiderate and selfish.

if you live with someone and tell them you’ll be home. Then you should be. Or you up date them.

as a parent you care for your child’s safety. As a husband/wife you care for your partners safety. as an adult child you care for your parents safety. It’s blooming common courtesy. & she failed it !!

Gad! It's so annoying when adult children come home and do that kind of thing. DD is at uni in South London, and most of the time I have no idea what she's doing or how late she is out ( partying and quite late, guaranteed!) But when she's back home in the holidays I am checking train times etc... I have never been one to offer a lot of late-night pick-ups, for various reasons, but I have had a lot of stress over this kind of thing. I'm in my 50s and would still let my mum know what time I'm coming back if staying at hers! YANBU.

I meant a hotel.

If a big corporation work night out goes late it's not that unusual for people coming from outside of town to be offered hotels. Same way that the OP's daughter was offered a taxi

Omg. She's an adult. Get a grip