To want to wring DDs neck! Would you have been worried?

[FlippingKids]

DD started a new job yesterday in London. She said she was going out for after work drinks with her new colleagues tonight(last night) but was only going to be for an hour and still wanted dinner saved. That was at 5.30pm.

We live about 20 mins drive from the last stop on an underground line and not many taxis there at night. I texted her at about 10pm asking if she wanted a lift from the underground as no buses after that time and it costs about £15 for a Uber and she’s short of money until she gets paid. No response. Last train gets in at 1.30am and I wanted to go to bed so I try again at about 12am. Phone seems to be dead as going to voicemail and messages not answered. DH trying as well.

Started to get concerned as thinking if she has no battery, can’t get an Uber and she may be stuck at station (not walkable as 12 miles away). She obviously doesn’t know new colleagues so can’t imagine she’d have gone home with them and if she had she could have charged her phone right? Start thinking something’s happened.

Contacted her boyfriend to see if he’s heard from her and he said he’d texted her at 7pm but she hadn’t responded and he’d thought it was odd but that assumed she was already home. He rang round other friends and none had heard from her either.

I decide to drive to station at 1am in case she’s there and can’t get back. She’s not there so wait for last train as thinking after that she’s stuck in London. She then rings me at 1.35am to say she’s been having such a good time she hadn’t looked at her phone or noticed the time and her company were going to get her to get a taxi so it’s fine.

AIBU to think she could have said this earlier, especially as she said she’d be home for dinner! Not that I’m bothered what she’s doing but I just wanted to know she was safe especially in London at night after drinking.

She’s 25 but would you have been worried (and furious) in this situation?

She should have been a little more considerate, but it's happened and it probably won't again.
Job sounds like fun... I miss the days I worked in London. Best years of my life! Hope she thrives in her role and enjoys her 20's :)

I’d be pissed off with her for that. I’d also be pissed of with DH or MIL for that, and they would me.

If you tell the people you live with, be they partner, housemates or parents, that you’ll be home for dinner and then fuck off uncontactable until 1am then it’s perfectly reasonable for them to be concerned.

It’s incredibly poor manners when it’s not like she had to go find a phone box and spend her last 10p calling home. It takes two seconds to send a “Plans have changed, be home late” text. And it’s basic manners to do so.

I think just letting you know is common courtesy. At 25, boundaries are being blurred though and perhaps she may be more comfortable moving out.

I'd have been worried too OP. Glad all is well. I'd be cross after initial relief. Doesn't matter how old they are we still worry about their safety.

You cannot put a tracker on the phone of an adult.

She just needs to remember to send a text as simple as:

Sorry won't be home for dinner after all, having a great time will be fine getting a taxi home from the station so don't wait up.

If at 25 she's expecting her mum to cook her tea and put it aside she isn't that much of an adult quite frankly. It takes less than 10 seconds to text so yes I would have been annoyed however I'd just say in future drop me a text so I don't worry or waste an evening. I'd also be glad she had a good time. Basically what I mean is you have every right to be annoyed but I'd move on quickly.

She's 25?! YABU...

YANBU

Im in my forties and did this recently, staying out much longer than normal and had said “I won’t be long.” DH was frantic. Had I said I’ll be staying out until 4am he wouldn’t have worried as much. My phone died so I didn’t answer.

I think it is probably the time for her to move out. She’s 25!! I think you drove to the station so you’d have something to be annoyed about when she wasn’t there…

I’ll put money on those saying your unreasonable she’s 25, haven’t got any adult children living at home. If you say you are coming home at 5.30 pm but disappear and are uncontactable for 6+ hours then most parents are going to worry, no matter what their child’s age. I thought I’d quit worrying when my children grew up but I worry more about them now than I ever did when they were young. A quick text isn’t a lot to ask.

I'd be worried about anyone who did that. My mum, a friend, a partner, a housemate....it was inconsiderate and rude of her. If she wants to be treated like an adult she should act like one. Especially at 25!

Not that my mum is out clubbing! Just I'd be worried if I was expecting someone, they didn't turn up, it was night, no-one had heard from them and I couldn't contact them.

I think if your kids are at home whatever their age they should be courteous enough to let you know what time and how they’re getting home because they should know you’ll worry if they’re ridiculously late. Once they leave, you won’t know and they can do what they like. It’s just manners.

I has a friend who stays with me when she's working her, 3 nights a week. I would be worried if this happened. Not furious, but a bit miffed. If something has gone wrong, there's nothing you can do, and driving to the station at 1am on the off chance is over the top. She's 25, so yababitu and she's inconsiderate

Whatever age they are, if they are living at home then we are going to be worried if they don’t turn up when planned or message us.

DD is 21 and gets annoyed at ‘my fussing’ as she calls it but I don’t like getting up at 4am for the loo and seeing her bed empty with no text.

She moans that I don’t worry about her sister but she’s at uni so it’s very different.

What’s unreasonable is the spending the evening trying to work out how to be an unneeded safety net for a 25 year old who has made it pretty clear she doesn’t really want to be helicoptered - and then being furious about it

I agree. It’s ridiculous.

I understand you worrying as you were expecting her for dinner, but it just shows that at 25, she really should be living away from home. I moved out at 19 and cant imagine my Mum waiting up and checking on me at 25 (an age where alot of people are married, live in their own home and have their own kids). If shes still living with you at 25, easiest thing is tell her not to say a time she will be back if shes out for the night and then you wont be worrying when plans change.

The worry is awful. I have been where you were last night. A quick text saves an awful lot of worry. You need to have a firm discussion with her.

I would have been worried too. She could have texted to let you know she'd be late.

It’s bad form that she didn’t let you know, especially as you had dinner waiting. I can understand your worry, but at 25 it feels a bit unreasonable to be policing her movements so closely.

Perhaps she needs to think about standing on her own two feet and moving out, that way she can do what she likes. She should have let you know, but she is also old enough to not have her parents monitoring her movements.

I moved back home in my mid 20's after a break up and I had a pretty wild time. Often wouldn't be home all weekend etc.

But as a courtesy I always let my parents know.

My dad worked nights (used to finish about 2.30am on Friday and Saturday) so I'd always text him if it was an impromptu late night.

This was 15+ years ago as well so before WhatsApp. It really isn't that hard to send a message.

I think age is irrelevant when you indicate you’ll be home at a reasonable time to have dinner and are still out at 3am and incommunicado. I’d be very worried whether they were 25 or 50 but that’s because I’d be basing it on my own behaviour and know that I would let the other person know. We are only a text away from giving someone peace of mind.

Age is not irrelevant -it makes it much less excusable than say an 18 year old getting carried away

But it’s common courtesy regardless of who you live with, or how old you are, surely? If you had told your boyfriend you’d be home for dinner, not come back for hours, not responded to a call or text, and not communicated about a change of plans, would he have been justified in worrying?

You can worry but you’re unreasonable to be mad.