Cleaner had her DC there with her today

[changinglanesagain]

I've had my cleaned for about 3 months. She's really good. I really like her work

Anyway, I gave her a key last week and today I popped home for lunch unexpectedly. She had her DD there with her...

Apparently it's a teacher training day for them and so her DD had to come too. I asked why she couldn't reschedule to do another date or even better, come this evening?

She said she couldn't come this evening due to her DS coming home, he's disabled, and she'd just much rather not let me down for my allocated day so thought she'd just being DD along

I said okay... and that was that

AIBU to think she should've asked my permission first?

So not to drip feed, she was sat at my dining table doing colouring and had a few toys out

Which bit of that post that you typed did I imagine?

I remember going to houses with my mum when she cleaned. It was absolutely drummed into me to behave, not touch anything, blah blah. I have no idea if my mum had cleared it first (at a guess, I’d say she did). I did like seeing “how the other half lived”, was quite happy to sit quietly and gawp at the room I was in!

OP - I kind of get it, it would have been polite to check with you first (though I balk at your description of giving your blessing, it kind of gives something away re your thought process).

I’d be going forward thinking that you’ve been happy with her work up until now, the child was sat quietly colouring, the child had not caused any damage, your cleaner had turned up to work and not let you down. I would therefore mention briefly that, if the situation arises again, you would prefer to know in advance and that then it isn’t a problem.

I’m a believer that being understanding can go a long way - for both parties.

As an aside, am loving some of the descriptions on here, especially the horror at “random” people tagging along on a job. I don’t think anyones child is a random! Completely different to the comparisons of boyfriend/mate etc!

As someone else mentioned, it’s a bit odd that you came home unexpectedly, but hadn’t left payment for her as you knew you’d be coming home. Was it “unexpectedly” for the cleaner, but you knew that you’d be arriving home early in advance?

She probably should have asked. May be she forgot then thought, sh*t I will just have to. May be she was too scared to ask and thought she would risk it. But kid was colouring fgs. Many women across the world struggle to balance work and motherhood so cut her some slack. To make a whole Mumsnet post about this as if she's been trying out your underwear is peak privilege. Sounds like your life is so so good you have no worries and have to make up problems or you are so privileged you can muster empathy. But may be you are empathetic and not privileged but this just ground your gears. My advice: save the stress of annoyance for truly despicable people

My mum was a cleaner back in the seventies/ eighties. I used to go with her all the times, it's one of the perks of being a cleaner. When I got older I used to help out. Only once did one of her clients get a bit sniffy, mum told her if she didn't like it she could get someone else, she nearly shit herself. Good cleaners then were like good cleaners now, gold dust. If she's good and honest and you trust her suck it up.

Very late, apologies if this has already been covered,

my first reaction to this was like most others- bit snobby, op should be more sympathetic and flexible, not something to get worked up over.

however I think the reason op has an issue is not necessarily because the cleaner bought her child, but that she did it thinking nobody would be around to notice and therefore didn’t feel the need to check first, so what else might they be doing?
the cleaner has unsupervised access to ops home, and has betrayed the significant trust that’s been given them. It’s natural that op is going to be more suspicious of the cleaner about anything that might happen going forward because the relationship has been damaged by the cleaners actions.

The entire thread. OP is being called heartless and selfish - posters have said she should have been rushing to provide snacks and meals to the child and it’s wrong that she isn’t supporting the cleaner. But in fact she isn’t wrong.

And a child left downstairs without an adult watching them is unsupervised. They aren’t being watched or supervised.

YABVU

In my case, I did provide snacks to my mum’s cleaner’s dd. She was a good kid and well behaved. It sounds like this child was quietly minding her own business too.

Fair enough if OP doesn’t want here there but plenty of people don’t mind well behaved kids being in the house.

I'd be ok with it as a one off or occasional thing, but I'd definitely expect to be asked. It's my house, after all.

She should have asked first. You don't just turn up to work with your kids without checking with your employer first, it's bad manners in my opinion.

Wow people on here are so rude.

In what world do you bring someone uninvited into someone else's home without asking.

Of course she should have asked. It's called being polite. Clearly most people here have no manners at all.

I’d have found it odd she didn’t message and mention it, but on the whole I wouldn’t care. I’d assume she was a mum trying her best to juggle work and childcare. I’d probably be thankful she still came and did a good job and didn’t just cancel for this week. Now if the kid had been swinging from lights possibly it would have been an issue, but sounds like she set the child up doing something safe and calm while she was working .

overall I’d be amazed at her skill because my kids would never allow me to work like that.

I couldn’t get annoyed about this. It sounds to me a bit mean spirited. Given the little girl was so well behaved and you like the work that was done, I would never mind her being there. Cleaning is the type of job that if a child is sitting there colouring, I just can’t see a reason to even complain about it especially if she was stuck for childcare.

I'd be more upset if it was the dog she had brought.

Child seemed to be occupying herself nicely, so I would let it go, especially if she does a good job and is reliable.

Personally I would like to be asked first and I would say yes. Then if there were no problems I would happily allow it again but would expect to be asked first. If I did discover any problems after I would raise it so that they could have a plan to prevent that same thing happening again next time. For one thing I would want to make sure that I hadn’t left anything age inappropriate lying around/had set up the tv for them to use etc

No idea why you’re quoting me - I haven’t called the OP anything

also a difference of opinion is not the same as being objectively wrong. Hth

totally unreasonable

I had a plumber/tiler in once and came downstairs to find his 6 year old hiding in the loo pulling out all of the toilet paper. Turns out he’d told him to hide in there and be quiet.

I asked the kid if he wanted to sit at the table and have a drink, which he did.

I do think that it’s a trust thing. I have hired the plumber since but never when I’m not in the house. If my cleaner did this without asking me, I’d probably want to get a new one, because I’d find it hard not to assume she was happy to cross other boundaries as well without me knowing.

Also feel that there’s a lot of patronising comments about cleaners on the thread. My cleaner earns a decent wage, drives a nice car, and goes on more holidays than I do.

but that she did it thinking nobody would be around to notice and therefore didn’t feel the need to check first, so what else might they be doing?

I'd use the word "hoping" not "thinking" no one would be around and I bet her stomach dropped like a stone when OP came home unexpectedly. What do you suggest might be going on besides this? It's a pretty specific and unexpected situation. Presumably OP hasn't had the family jewels filched or had any reason to suspect anything untoward was going on prior to this.

Yes. She was cleaning the guest room when I came in, and her DD was downstairs unattended

Have you counted the spoons? 🥄🥄🥄

YANBU. I am a cleaner, I have young children (primary age) and I would never just turn up with them and expect the client to be ok with it! I’d always text and ask first and offer to rearrange if they’d rather. Surely it’s just the polite thing to do? As has been mentioned in other comments what other jobs are there where people just randomly bring their children along? The cleaning is providing a service, you’re not a charity doing her a good deed.

I have a grumpy elderly dog here who is scared of children, so there's absolutely no way I would allow this in my house. I'd have asked her to leave and come back when she didn't have the child with her.

I hope she doesn't come back. You are snobbish, ridiculous and frankly, not much of a human being.

Your cleaner is doing a great job but she had to bring her DD who, awfully of her, sat colouring at YOUR table because your cleaner didn't want to let you down because her disabled child was going to be home conflicting with your cleaning job.

Good cleaners are hard to come by, and I hope she doesn't return to your place.

The world is hard enough for working mothers. She didn't let the child run riot in your house, she was just sat colouring in whilst her mum got on with her job.
I think you probably embarrassed the woman by questioning her about it. At least she won't bring the child back now you have made it clear your not happy.

It wouldn’t have bothered me as a one off. But I do think it’s polite to ask first, I’m a nanny and I’ve had to take my charge to my home before now. And did ask my boss permission first.