Cleaner had her DC there with her today

[changinglanesagain]

I've had my cleaned for about 3 months. She's really good. I really like her work

Anyway, I gave her a key last week and today I popped home for lunch unexpectedly. She had her DD there with her...

Apparently it's a teacher training day for them and so her DD had to come too. I asked why she couldn't reschedule to do another date or even better, come this evening?

She said she couldn't come this evening due to her DS coming home, he's disabled, and she'd just much rather not let me down for my allocated day so thought she'd just being DD along

I said okay... and that was that

AIBU to think she should've asked my permission first?

So not to drip feed, she was sat at my dining table doing colouring and had a few toys out

Did your cleaning get done? If yes, forget about it. It's not like she spent the time playing with her kid in your house and not doing what she was there to do. Cut her some slack.

She probably can't afford it if you said no and rearranging isn't always easy, she may be fully booked the rest of the week

I would of asked and I know my best friend who is actually a cleaner would have asked also, however, it wouldn't bother me at all. If she was bringing her pal along I'd understand your annoyance. But nah in this particular circumstance wouldn't bother me. In fact she could bring her kid (s) along as often as she wanted as long as my house was being cleaned.

Too many people expect deference at worst or to be thought of as a manager at best in this situation.

Spot on.

You seem to be struggling with the idea of self-employment. You don’t have an employer. The clue is in the title.

you set your own hours, rates of pay and terms of employment. Businesses/clients are free to accept your terms or not.

your hypothetical application of this scenario to a different role in a different industry isn’t really relevant to this thread.

Well I guess if you imagine a totally hypothetical scenario where a child did those things, annoyance would be reasonable.

But does the fact that you have to invent imaginary reasons to be annoyed not tell you that perhaps there is no actual rationale for being annoyed?

Mumsnet is so weird about cleaners!

Yes, she should have asked, OP. It's your home and it's only polite to let you know. It's an invasion of your privacy to allow an unsupervised child to roam about (which she undoubtedly would, once she got tired of colouring) your house when you're not expecting it.

In addition, since you didn't know a child would be there, your home might not be child-safe. What might happen? The DC could find medication lying around; she could climb an unsecured bookcase; she could become entangled in blind cords. It unsafe to have a young child left to roam an unfamiliar house that isn't set up for children.

I’m sad to read your post OP .
Cant you please be compassionate and think about how supportive you could be to this working mother ?
I can’t believe you are not pleased about a small child sitting quietly while her mother earns . imagine how good life would be if women supported each other

But OP isn't saying she won't support her cleaner. She just wanted prior notice that the DC would be there too. Then she could have put away any bits and pieces that she didn't want the DC fiddling with, or asked that the DC didn't go into the bedroom, or whatever. It's a perfectly reasonable expectation.

Seriously? You sound like an absolute whopper.

Where did she say that? I read her saying she’d asked why the cleaner hadn’t stayed at home to watch her child and offered to come and clean in the evening instead, then not paid her…

But unless you’ve included that you’ll be bringing your child in those terms, the client isn’t really getting the full choice to accept the terms. They’re accepting the terms they want, which the cleaner is then not following.

If she wants to set her terms of employment as ‘I’ll be leaving my child to play downstairs while I clean the house’ then of course that’s fine! But she should advertise that from the very beginning, and allow clients to accept her actual honest terms.

@FurAndFeathers OP clearly states that she would have liked the cleaner to ask first. Take a look at her opening post at 18:14 (paragraph 6), at the 18:17 post, and at the 19:23 post.

And it's not fair to say she didn't pay her. She has contacted the cleaner to arrange a bank transfer, but is waiting for her account details.

Yes asking in advance would have been sensible. I suspect though that as the OP expects to be ‘asked for her blessing’ and for the cleaner to work through the evening instead of bringing her child that she’s not the easiest person to have that conversation with.

I suspect it’s a moot point anyway. As the OP hadn’t paid her I doubt she’ll be back.

Oh yes I agree with that - she was very clear that she expected to be asked ‘for her blessing’ (!!)

it was the part you said about her needing prior notice in order to make the house safe for the child that I didn’t see. Where is that please ? Her suggestion that the cleaner should have come and cleaned in the evening instead didn’t indicate that she was planning to accommodate the child at all - only that she wanted her ‘blessing’ to be specifically sought.

And it is fair to say she hasn’t paid her because she literally hasn’t.

and that’s because she was too busy interrogating her about her child to do so.

Right, but op would be well within her rights to say she was uncomfortable with a quite young child being left to play unsupervised in her home. If the cleaner wanted to set those terms, she needs to make them clear right from the start - I suspect she wouldn’t do that because she’s aware that ‘child playing in the house unsupervised’ isn’t on most people’s terms when they’re hiring a cleaner. It’s not unreasonable or crazy to not want somebody you’re paying for a service to leave their child playing in your home without even asking you.

@FurAndFeathers OP didn't say why she wanted to be asked first, but she didn't need to. It's her home and she shouldn't have to justify why she doesn't want an unknown child left unsupervised in it for several hours.

The paragraph about the safety aspect was actually intended for all the PPs who apparently have no problem with the above scenario, to illustrate that it's not just about the home owner's rights, but also about the best interests of the child in this situation. The OP may not have considered this aspect, but its an important point none the less.

I’m sad to read your post OP .
Cant you please be compassionate and think about how supportive you could be to this working mother ?
I can’t believe you are not pleased about a small child sitting quietly while her mother earns . imagine how good life would be if women supported each other

These kind of posts are annoying. Nonsense. Women supporting women... how good would life be ...it just comes over as weak...eith a stepford vibe.

You don't bring your kid to your place of work like this, in someone else's house WITHOUT permission. It's common courtesy.

Right so you entirely imagined that her intention was to ‘put away bits and pieces’ and make the house child safe then.

There’s absolutely nothing to suggest any concern for the child in her posts. It’s very unlikely from her comments that that was her issue as she’s never mentioned it.

i wouldn’t consider a child with a parent in the house unsupervised

I also doubt that bringing her child to work is a regular expectation of the cleaners as it’s not arisen before, so no I wouldn’t be expect her to set it out as an expectation in her ‘terms’. But then I’m clearly more relaxed than some on here and happy to simply pay folk for doing a good job to a decent standard 🤷‍♀️

I don’t generally trouble myself too much with establishing rigid working hierarchies to ensure my colleagues know who is boss. It all seems like a lot of angst.

Out of interest which part of me saying “Yes asking in advance would have been sensible” lead you to interpret my post as it being “unreasonable or crazy to not want somebody you’re paying for a service to leave their child playing in your home without even asking you.”

it seems rather a stretch. I’m not really sure who you’re arguing with - I’ve certainly never suggested anything of the sort!

@FurAndFeathers No, it was actually you who imagined that I said her intention was to make the house safe for the child! I didn't ascribe any intention to the OP - because it doesn't matter why she doesn't want the DC in the house: it's her home and it's up to her who come in.

As explained above, the health and safety bit is something that everybody who thinks this situation is fine, should consider. Not every house is safe for young children to play unsupervised.

If one of our cleaners had asked as a one-off I’d almost certainly have said yes but pointed out we have a few house rules: food eaten at the table only no feet or shoes on furniture.

Yes, one can't be too careful with the commoners.

“But OP isn't saying she won't support her cleaner. She just wanted prior notice that the DC would be there too. Then she could have put away any bits and pieces that she didn't want the DC fiddling with, or asked that the DC didn't go into the bedroom, or whatever.”

Umm… except you literally said she just wanted prior notice so she could put things away🤷‍♀️

There’s zero evidence that was her concern.