AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

YANBU even if he thought your name didn't sound British the fact you said you were British should have negated the need for a follow up question. Plus is a very intrusive question!

People are always asking me about my surname but he did ask you in a very clumsy way.

We have a foreign surname and are often asked where it’s from. My dc are sometimes asked by teachers at school, then they usually go off on a ‘oh really I’ve been on holiday there, loved it’ etc.

I’ve never taken any offence from it.

It's just conversation.

I'm British , my parents aren't and my maiden name reflected that. I couldn't get het up about it at all.

I think he was probably just trying to make small talk.

I bet you made him feel terrible.

oh dear

He was only trying to be friendly and make small talk IMO so yes you were unreasonable.

I have a non-English accent but i have lived in the same area of Wales/England border for over 30 years now. I know people don't mean it. I know they're trying to be nice/make chit chat etc. But fuck me it gets boring.

Best one recently was was DC teacher (who is in her 20s) asked me how long I've lived here. I wanted to say 'Longer than you have love' but decided against it.

It was just small talk. Nothing happened

Yanbu its clear racism. You don't have to put up with random customer service personnel deciding that your name must mean you aren't properly British. Complain.

Yes you over reacted to friendly chit chat and the bloke is probably now worried his job is at risk.

Oh dear.

Noticing someone's name doesn't sound British and asking them about it is not "clear racism". Disadvantaging them because of that fact would be, but that didn't happen here.

It’s not “just” friendly chit chat, there’s absolutely no need for him to comment on where your name is from. It’s basically implying that you can’t possibly be “properly” British because your ancestry may be from elsewhere.

I look white but have a “foreign” surname and people always think that I want to chat about “where my surname is from”.

I find it rude and intrusive. Perhaps not so easy for people with typically white British surnames to understand.

I get asked this a lot and it's usually from people who also have roots outside of the UK. He might have asked as he connected the name to his own heritage?
Clumsy of him but, I'd also be silently annoyed about him asking what I was gonna watch!

I don’t Really get the issue of why you had to say you’re supporting England as you’re British, you can support anyone you want irrelevant of nantionality.

It was clumsy but he was probably just interested, maybe he thought you had similar backgrounds.

Also I am British so I support England is not an obvious comment. Lots of British people do not support England!

My maiden name was unusual and difficult to pronounce from how it was written. I'm also incredibly pale with red hair and lived in Scotland, with a Scottish accent. If I had a pound for every time I got asked "where's the surname from?" I'd be rich! It was small talk trying to be friendly. Other callers would complain if the call handler was silent while their systems loaded/they were typing etc. The staff can't win.

I’m with you OP. It’s just yet another reminder that no matter how British you are and feel, you will never be truly accepted as British.

My grandpa has this a lot with his Italian surname. He loved explaining that his grandfather had been Italian. My cousins consider themselves fully British but still tell people their unusual surname is Italian if asked. Maybe this man was just trying to be friendly. Surnames originate from all over the world, he wasn’t saying you aren’t British just where is the surname from.

I look white but have a “foreign” surname and people always think that I want to chat about “where my surname is from”
I honestly don’t get the problem. I have a very common second name since I changed when I married. Before that I had a German sounding name despite having two sets of Irish grandparents. My dad was always asked about his name and so was I. I never got bored with it and miss having it as a conversation starter . I like finding out about peoples background. Of course you can be British and not have a traditional British sounding name. It doesn’t mean it’s racist to talk about it.

I think I’m gonna get flamed for this but I think there’s a key difference between the white looking posters above being asked where the ‘surname’ is from versus being asked where you/ your parents are from. One is being accepted that you’re British but with a different heritage, the other is saying you can’t be British because you’re not from here.

I would be a bit annoyed as well but I won’t complain about it, unfortunately it’s just one of these things where you’re reminded that you’re not truly British even though you are…

Yes that was very unprofessional