AIBU for overreacting to comment by John Lewis

[filletofishmeal]

I was on the phone to John Lewis as they failed to deliver an item ( did not put it on their load), and as the person was processing a new delivery date he was making small talk about the reason why I was purchasing a TV. I said it was for the cricket world up, and he asked who I thought I was going to win the tournament. I replied that I am British, so am backing England. He then told me that my name does not sound British, where are my parents from?
I snapped at that point and got a bit shirty with him, as I felt it was unreasonable for him to assume I am not British just because of my surname.

I understand this point but given the OP was on the phone the man was more likely to be trying to make conversation more than anything else. Cricket loyalties tend to run generations deep.

How do you get through the day op?

YANBU. Ridiculous that Britishness is still being questioned based on your surname in 2022.

I was travelling from London recently and the airport security checker asked me where I was from and then later asked if I was going home. 🙄

People are assuming the person on the call was British or is not descended from immigrants himself.

You can still be racially insensitive even if you’re not British/ white…

I’m not.

I find it equally intrusive when people from the same country where my surname originates from question it. It’s like they’re saying “how come you’ve got this surname when you look white”.

Different to OP’s situation over the phone of course.

I didn’t say you couldn’t, but most of the comments accusing the man of racism are saying it’s about not accepting the OP as British or questioning Britishness.

I had an unusual maiden name which I now miss. Oh, to be asked about it….
No, I wouldn’t have been offended. I’d have enjoyed the small talk.
I feel sorry for him, especially at a time when jobs are precarious and the CoL is rising exponentially. When you’ve overcome your irritation, consider the effect you’ve had in him. He probability had an awful day.

My surname isn't British because it's my DH's. I couldn't get upset about people thinking I'm not British because I'm don't care that much about being British - but perhaps others that have never felt accepted feel differently. What would do my head in would be some random asking me question after question - but i hate small talk.

He didn't say you're not British or don't sound British. He's talking about historical fact and origin that the name isn't one he's aware of as sounding British in his opinion. All you need to do is tell his or not. Eg it's Welsh or it's actually Roman or it's African.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. My maiden name was British, my married name isn’t. Am asked about it/how to pronounce it often. Small talk.

I'm with you too op, what does sound British even mean? It does feel like casual racism to me.

I hate this too OP

how far back do these people want to go? So annoying. I think they think they are being polite. But being questioned for my skin colour, then on the phone my surname....it all adds up. I agree he probably didn't mean any harm but why people don't stay away from these questions is beyond me.

My friend has an uncommon but traditionally Jewish surname, but doesn’t consider herself Jewish, it’s from generations back. Jewish people in particular ask her about it as it’s potentially a point of easy connection.

Baffles me why people start throwing around the word professional about jobs like this, they're referred to as unskilled, they're not trained, paid, treated or regarded as professional jobs yet professional conduct is absolutely expected and complained about if not received.

It was small talk, not an agenda to actively set out to ruin someone's day/week/life as some people are so keen to believe.

I wouldn't ask about someone's heritage these days as I know it can cause offense. But it's a shame, I love hearing about other people's experiences and backgrounds, as I'm as boring as the hills. I have found people with family or a background from other countries are happy to chat about that and it's a big part of them, but I don't ask these days.

I also had an unusual maiden name and I was constantly asked where it came from. I never found it offensive. It was a conversation starter. I think he was just making conversation.

It's just small talk. I get this all the time with my married name. It's usually from people who have a connection to the country my name is associated with, who are looking for a way to say "my uncle works there" or whatever, and find common ground. For me it has never been "ooh go back where you come from" types - those people stay silent and quietly discriminate

As above, but LOUDER!

I have one of the oldest English surnames and people usually think it’s foreign…..

This.

Calm down!

I’ve noticed since covid (lockdown etc.) people have become a lot less tolerant of others. This is a prime example of unnecessary nastiness towards someone trying to serve you.

Yeah, I get this. I get asked where I'm from, I guess because of my looks. However, I am normally asked this by people who think I might be from the same background as them.

I agree, at work we often have culture days organised by the many different networks at work (ie Eid, South Africa day, Chinese New year, Hanukkah to name a few). I love them and love learning about people’s different experiences and backgrounds. I appreciate that people asking about heritage can have an ulterior motives but I like to hope most are just positively curious. Naive probably.

Of course this is racist. It’s in the same category of the “where are you from? No really, where are you from?” line of questioning.