AIBU not to help DD out with childcare?

[reesep]

DD has a son with special needs age 5, and a daughter age 1.

She has requested I look after them one day at a weekend, every month. She has also requested I do some daytime childcare during the school holidays

This is so she can get into nursing. She's desperate to be a nurse and has been accepted into a Healthcare Assistant role on bank, meaning she can pick shifts

AIBU not to provide such rigid help? It's too much of an expectation and I can't handle it

I do feel bad but it's just too much. She also lives 1.5 hours away so it would mean bringing the DC here

AIBU?

1 weekend day a month and some occasional holiday help? That's nothing. And really really sad you think this is too rigid. Especially as she is doing it for training, not fun

This must be a reverse.

YABU. You are able to do so, why wouldn’t you help your daughter out? It’s hardly any time at all.

YANBU

You are under no obligation to provide regular childcare in your own home, especially for a child with special needs

Yes you are

YABU to not do it if you don't want to. Personally I cannot imagine not wanting to help out my children if I could.

Why do you feel you can't handle it? Do you work? Would she cover fuel costs?

That's more childcare than my family offered. That being said, that's why I had to change my decision to study nursing at uni for something else. Nursing was my dream for over a decade. I won't forgive or forget in any great hurry. Most people would want to help their child achieve the career they want, especially when it will benefit grandchildren. But you do you.

Sorry, meant YANBU. But I was brought up with the ideals that families help each other out.

Because my grandson has really high care needs and I have younger DC myself (age 10 and 15)

Plus the holidays are every 6 weeks or so! 2 weeks over Christmas, 6 weeks holidays, Easter break, etc etc etc

She hasn't really thought this through sadly there is no way she can be a nurse, not in the next 10/15 years anyway. She couldn't do the training as she has her DS and he can't go with a childminder etc

Their dad is useless and that's why she's divorcing him. He has them one a month

This feels reverse...please just say what you mean

One day a month doesn't seem like a big ask. How many days is she looking for during school holidays?

Mil is that you haha I mean do what you want but your daughter is trying to make a better life for her and her children. She’s asking for 1! Day a month plus some help in holidays.

It's not a lot to ask. Youd be seeing the dgc anyway surely?

That's hardly an enormous burden. How high are her DS's special needs? If it's things like lifting him that you can't physically do I guess that's different, but otherwise I would support my daughter if I could. Do you have something else you'd rather be doing?

My mum has always studiously avoided any regular commitment to providing childcare. Quite right too.

She provides loads of care for my children, just nothing regular. And that works for her. The children adore her and they have a ball together. I'm super grateful for anything! And she is there for us in an emergency.

OP it's your life offer what works for you.

Well of course you don’t have to, so YANBU in that respect. But she’s trying to build a better future for her children. Personally I’d try to support that if at all possible.

YABU, she’s trying to better her life despite a useless ex, being in the process of divorcing, 2 young kids… and she’s asking for a few small amount of help from her mother. Surely you want to see your grandkids anyway?

Based on your second post YANBU. It sounds too much for you, you'll end up exhausted.

You need to do what's right for you otherwise resentment will build towards your DD.

I'm sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. It's 1 day a month and a few days each holiday. It's not rigid at all.

Mn is weird at times with this

if a mother posts that she is upset her mum has refused to help her care for her DC it’s 900 comments about how your mum has done her time, she doesn’t owe you child care

Yet when the grandparent posts it’s usually the opposite

YABU.

Who does she have supporting her, she is not asking for much, once a month and some school holiday time.

I don't think YABU at all!

It's rigid, stops you having the freedom to make plans etc and with two young children yourself it just doesn't seem like it would work. Add on top of that a child with high care needs and it sounds really stressful! Let alone the fact you live 1.5 hours away.

She needs to figure something else out, paid childcare etc.

Well it’s up to you obviously, but personally I would do it.