What to do with male neighbour

[Deemarie11]

I'm 30 l live alone in a small terraced house. I've been living here for one year. Next door to me lives a man in his late 50s. We have nothing in common. We would say hello the odd time but thats it. The houses don't open right onto the street. We have a very small front garden, walls and gate each.

My front garden is very small, it's not something you would sit in. So I am only ever in it to mow my small lawn, paint the small walls etc.

Any time that I am EVER in my front garden, my male neighbour will come over right to my walk, to talk to me.

Last time I was mowing my lawn, he came out of his house, came over to my walk and started talking to me about something.

Today, I was painting my small wall in my front garden. He came over right to my walk and said "hey! I'm expecting a package. Will you take it in. They said they'd leave it with a neighbour".

I didn't want to but I said yes even though I didnt want to, as I was nervous and trying to get him to go away. He will probably be over to me later looking for it, which causes more stress for me.

I'm starting to be nervous every time I go out in my front garden, I kind of dash in and out as I know he will be straight over. He is creeping me out. I literally cannot go in my garden and do one simple thing without him coming straight over. It's giving me anxiety. If I saw my female neighbour across the road doing gardening, I wouldn't go straight over , lean over her wall and start talking to her. I know I would be intruding on her privacy. He does it every single time. It's really giving me anxiety. I don't know what to do.

Cue, lots of young single men having similar experiences with creepy, intimidating, overbearing older women?
Maybe not.

I wouldn’t take in the package. If he asks just tell him you forgot/went out/fell asleep.

I’d also keep the phone handy and pretend it just rang when he walks over. Wave it at him; “sorry, I have to take this” then go inside.

Also “sorry, I’m working and have to finish this up quickly so I can’t chat. Have a good day.”

Eventually he will leave you alone. It’s not easy, but you can usually find a way to put people off without coming across as unfriendly. I still smile and wave, but am always too busy to talk.

They have two children who they mistreat in public but that wasn’t the point of my post 🙄

I do this too. These days I've become lackadaisical but usually I try and change details and I especially change details if I write about anything even vaguely work related.

Another suggestion. Always have your keys ready to open your front door when you get home. 1, less time for NDN to pop out 'for a chat' and 2, you can get into your house quickly if he is hanging around outside.

I chat to my neighbours and am happy to do so but will say firmly, must go, shopping to unpack/expecting a phone call/mustn't keep you hanging around in the cold. They are all great and similar to me but I have in the past had a troublesome neighbour. It was hellish so I do sympathise, they can be very thick-skinned!

I am in my thirties. I usually just change my age slightly,just in case any of my neighbours/acquaintances are on Mumsnet! So itd be harder for them to know it is me. So many people are on Mumsnet! I'm closer to 30 then 38.
Anyway i am in my thirties.

I think you need to get a grip

These men bashing threads are getting boring. Poor bloke is probably lonely and just wants someone to speak to. I can almost guarentee he cant read your mind. So unless you tell him you dont want to talk then how is he supposed to know? Saying he fancies you is jumping the gun abit unless he's actually told you that?

The thing is aswell. He asked me to take a package in for him as he would be away all day. He drove away.

I was still in my garden painting.

He then drove back to his house 30 minutes later and went in. So he was available to receive the package in his house.

So it was a completely made up thing to talk to me.

@Deemarie11 I really feel for you because I have been in this situation and it was horrible. I was like you, checking for him before i left my house. His behaviour escalated to him removing the 6ft fence between our back gardens, knocking on my door then smashing up his house when i ignored him. (Next door, thin walls) It turned out he was a registered sex offender & a danger to women. He eventually moved away and it was 1 of the happiest days of my life. I didn't find out he was a sex offender until after he moved away. He made me so anxious & uncomfortable.

When it was me, to be honest, I just stopped using my garden and if I had to mow the lawn I always tried to get a friend or family member to come down and sit in garden with me. I ignored him as much as I could and stopped using the garden where he moved the fence. I made it as obvious as I could that I did not want to talk to him. I would pretend to be on the phone if he tried to talk to me. I also only mowed the lawn when his car would be away and when I seen him coming back I would go in my house until he was in his. For me, moving wasn't an option but if it was, I would of moved. I was scared of him and I was even more scared of the people he associated with so I genuinely felt stuck in that situation. Sorry you are going through it.

As a previous poster said put earphones on when you’re in your front garden. How annoying for you.

If he is lonely does it mean I have to speak to him?

I'm lonely sometimes. I don't go over and talk to my female neighbour every time I'm lonely. We all can be lonely. I respect that she wants to be gardening when she is gardening, she is not there for me to go over and start talking to.

Some amount of women on here saying we should be kind to men because they are lonely. But I don't like him at all in any way.

If he wasnt my neighbour I would absolutely have nothing to do with him.

Is it man bashing to say one creepy overbearing neighbour makes you uncomfortable?
OP, it's not him it's you.

OMG! Your next door neighbour dared to attempt friendly conversation with you! I'd be calling the police and reporting him! 😂

I'll send him round to live next door to you so galak!

@Deemarie11 I know it sound batty but my suggestion upthread worked for me. Who cares what he thinks?
Have you spoken about him with other neighbours?

WELL TELL HIM THEN!

No point coming on here moaning about it if you haven't told him you dont want to talk to him!

I could see your point if you were coming on to tell us 'ive told my creepy neighbour to stop trying to be friendly but he just wont listen

I'll just go and find what you said @NoNonsenseinNorfolk

Oh YAWWWWNNNNNNN. 😩 What a pathetic, tedious, and predictable response. Do grow up. 🙄 Nobody has to open the door to ANYone they are not expecting. No matter how entitled and demanding that person is. And how insistent they are that they come in, despite not being invited, and totally intruding on that person's time, and their day.

Not to mention the fact they are very likely in the middle of something/busy/on the way out. People like you are the reason many people DON'T answer the door to randoms turning up uninvited! Entitled much?! I am guessing you're projecting, and are a 'popper inner' and have had people turn you away or not answer the door. And are secretly peeved.

@Cantthinkofausername01 Oh, I take it all back. He's lonely!

That is, of course, something that OP, a complete stranger who happens to live next door to mr saddo, should take on as her problem to solve, despite the fact that she doesn't know him from Adam.

To do otherwise is so mean and "man-bashing" (interesting choice of word, there, given the statistics around male violence towards women. Apparently we're bashing them!!).

And no, these threads don't get boring. I love hearing women's collective rage and advice and support when it comes to these pests, it's like blood to a vampire for me. But if you find it boring, maybe Mumsnet isn't the place for you?

In addition to that ^ some people work from home still, and are possibly 'at work' when random popper-inners knock and expect people to drop everything for them! Oh but we must BE KIND and let these entitled individuals in!

You should not have to put up with this. He may be lonely, he may be pervy, he may lack how to read social clues - who cares? Its not up to you to deal with it.
If it was me I would be very direct indeed next time. Don;t smile. Face him square on, look him directly in the eye, and say "I don't want to talk to you at all in future. Stop coming over to speak to me in my garden. I don't want to talk to you!"
No need to explain or say anything else at all - that is enough. If he tries to argue with you, ignore. If he disregards it in future, that is harassment and you can take it up with the police. Don't speak to him at all after this speech.
If he takes it out on you with loud music for a few days or weeks, it will be a price worth paying as he will soon get fed up with having to do it. You can record it and get the council to take noise action if necessary.
Be assertive OP Do not even think of letting hin drive you out of your space. If you get this message over to him loud and clear with no room for doubt, the problem is more likely to go away than if you do nothing. He is likely a bully and the only way is to stand up to them. We have been conditioned to smile and be nice etc. etc. but men like this exploit that fact, so the only way is to be tough about our boundaries.
The ring doorbell is a good idea in case you need evidence in future.

Oh please do stop @ me! I've said what I've said and I stand by it.

@Cantthinkofausername01 ?

Your position isn't the standard one really when it comes to neighbours so you just need to tell him to fuck off otherwise hell just persist with the neighbourliness

Yeah funny that isn't it?