Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay for DD's train ticket?

365 replies

SilverBirchx0x0 · 09/11/2022 22:57

DD started uni in September. She was supposed to be coming home this weekend. She has rung to say she is expecting us to pay for her train ticket.

I am quite shocked about this. She is on a full student maintenance loan and has received £1000 bursary this term on top of her student loan. One of her grandparents also gave her £1000 at the start of term. She hasn't run out of money. She said the other day she still had £1700 to last until the end of this term.
I think that she is now an adult and should be covering her own transport costs to come home for the weekend. DD says all of her friend's parents pay for their rail tickets when they go home (or come to pick them up) .

We are 4 hours away so not easy to pick her up for a weekend home.

We have already been down to visit her and stayed in a hotel for a weekend. As it is pricey, we can't keep doing this.

AIBU to expect DD to pay her own train fair to visit us this weekend?

OP posts:
Youdoyoubabe · 09/11/2022 23:20

My dd has gone this year. I have said I would pay for a train ticket home each term if she wants to come for a visit.... bribery really as I would love to have her home for the odd weekend.

Not been up to see her yet other than to drop her off but mostly likely won't unless she invites me as got other kids at home, pets etc....

ClaryFairchild · 09/11/2022 23:20

Do you WANT to see your DD? Because if you make a hard line here she's not going to prioritise coming home to see you. Expect to be sidelined out of her life with that sort of attitude.

SarahAndQuack · 09/11/2022 23:22

I find it really odd people are telling the OP her DD won't want to see her without a bribe (which is basically what this is).

Surely, it is one thing to discuss buying train tickets/rail cards and agree beforehand who buys what, and it's something quite different to find your adult child blithely ringing up expecting something to be paid for at the last minute, and then being fed up when it is not forthcoming?

Does she properly understand the ticket will now be really pricey?

PinkFrogss · 09/11/2022 23:23

I think it’s a bit odd people are suggesting children will only come visit if their travel is paid for, I don’t think we ever paid for dd’s travel to or from uni.

It would be different if they genuinely couldn’t afford it, but if they can, and have decided to go to a uni far away surely that’s up to them Confused

shabs05 · 09/11/2022 23:23

On a slightly different note op, did she open a student bank account when she started uni?
There were some offers about discounted rail cards on some student accounts iirc.

Allsnotwell · 09/11/2022 23:23

DD is a flight away
We fractured these costs into her going. I would want her home over the cost of the ticket - next year/term reduce the additional funds so she can ask freely to come home.

maximist · 09/11/2022 23:24

I was a student in the late 80s, I got a full grant but that was absolutely it, no loans or parental contributions. I always paid my own train fare home (my mum used to give me the money for a taxi home from the station when I got back, but I'd get the bus and keep the difference).

Happyhappyday · 09/11/2022 23:24

My parents paid for set times, (not UK), so they would pay for Christmas, end of term etc but if I just fancied going home mid term then no. I did go to uni a plane ride away but plane tickets were only about £200. I don’t think they were unreasonable.

memorial · 09/11/2022 23:25

Oh well I was that student whose parents kinda left me to my own devices when I went to uni. Wasn't fun or easy. And i i have a poor relationship with them now. And that was 30 odd years ago. Stuff is much more expensive now. My DD1 is at uni. I top her loan up weekly and always pay for her travel home (petrol/train). She knows that I will always be there for her. And I want her to come home. Not sure why people think students are awash with money. The loan will barely cover her rent and bills.

CaronPoivre · 09/11/2022 23:25

Always paid for railcards and always paid for them to come home as often as they wanted/needed. The first year can be tough. We wanted to make sure all was well and that they remained connected with the family.

PinkFrogss · 09/11/2022 23:26

Like I said as well, to get full loan your household income has to be pretty low, it’s possible the DD has more disposable income than her mother. If she doesn’t want to pay to visit home that’s up to her, you can’t bribe or force someone to come visit you.

Sure, it’s not to see them often and for them to want to visit but they’re adults learning to stand on their own two feet, you have to let them adjust and manage for themselves

Original poster
SilverBirchx0x0 · 09/11/2022 23:27

Dotcheck · 09/11/2022 23:12

You know she would have to pay for accommodation, right?

Show quote history

She paid for her halls at the start of term so that has already been covered. Tbh, this term, she has had over £6000 to live on with student maintenance loan, money from grandparents and her bursary (higher maintenance loan as in London).

OP posts:
WaahWaahWaah · 09/11/2022 23:28

I don’t think I ever came home in term time from uni. If parents had offered to pay for travel I might have done, but it was not a financial priority for me as a student. If you want her to come home, I’d offer to pay. If you are happy either way, then don’t.

Pixiedust1234 · 09/11/2022 23:28

Tread carefully here or your daughter won't come home except for Christmas and Easter. Is that what you want?

If you can afford her ticket, and want to see her, then pay. And don't buy it her as a birthday present - thats on a par to getting an iron

Takingabreakagain · 09/11/2022 23:29

I use Tesco clubcard vouchers to get DD her Railcard and when she comes back she pays for the ticket. Giving her money for food and making up the difference between the rental cost and her loan amount is enough. Although we do collect and take her at the start/end of terms so she can bring enough stuff back for the holidays

Original poster
SilverBirchx0x0 · 09/11/2022 23:30

shabs05 · 09/11/2022 23:23

On a slightly different note op, did she open a student bank account when she started uni?
There were some offers about discounted rail cards on some student accounts iirc.

Yes, she did open a student bank account, but hers didn't have the free railcard offer.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 09/11/2022 23:31

I'm really surprised at the vote.

We would take and collect our dc at the start and end of term, but if they choose to spend time traveling other than that, that's fine, but it is obviously up to them to fund it.

I am amazed so many people think that someone who has so much money needs her parents to pay for train fares. If she doesn't have the money for the train then she could try a coach, or the mega bus (depending on where she is going to - obviously lots of options with London as a starting point).

PinkFrogss · 09/11/2022 23:31

SilverBirchx0x0 · 09/11/2022 23:27

She paid for her halls at the start of term so that has already been covered. Tbh, this term, she has had over £6000 to live on with student maintenance loan, money from grandparents and her bursary (higher maintenance loan as in London).

Show quote history

Is she likely to get that each semester OP? I’d perhaps pay for her train ticket and a rail pass this time if you can afford to, and then have an honest chat to help her budget. That’s a lot of money for a student, especially if she’s expecting you to contribute on top of that.

I’d be worried about her frittering it away when she could be saving a bit for when she graduates.

Alexandernevermind · 09/11/2022 23:32

If I understand properly, the money she is being given seems to be enough to live comfortably and buy a train ticket. However she is only 18 (ish?) legally an adult but mentally a kid, first time away from home (?) I would pay for her ticket, but I'm soft with my teens.

PinkSyCo · 09/11/2022 23:33

If she was brassic and/or you’d offered to pay that’d be one thing but I think it’s immature and entitled of her to expect you to stump up.

ExtraOnions · 09/11/2022 23:33

My DD is 16, not away at college yet, but I would absolutely pay for her to come home. I love her, and the price of a train ticket will be well worth it to spend time with her.

Original poster
SilverBirchx0x0 · 09/11/2022 23:34

Takingabreakagain · 09/11/2022 23:29

I use Tesco clubcard vouchers to get DD her Railcard and when she comes back she pays for the ticket. Giving her money for food and making up the difference between the rental cost and her loan amount is enough. Although we do collect and take her at the start/end of terms so she can bring enough stuff back for the holidays

Thank you for the tip about using Tecco Clubcard vouchers for railcard. Will try and do this!

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 09/11/2022 23:36

I would pay but I do wonder if she really wants to come home for the weekend, especially in view of the fact that you offered to buy her ticket as part of her birthday present and she wasn't keen.
Student life is expensive.

russetmellow · 09/11/2022 23:38

OP, how much is the ticket? I think that as she has so much left until the end of term then yes, she should pay for it unless it's really expensive - it's part of learning to be independent!

StarCourt · 09/11/2022 23:38

could she travel by coach? usually much cheaper

Swipe left for the next trending thread