AIBU not to pay for DD's train ticket?

[SilverBirchx0x0]

DD started uni in September. She was supposed to be coming home this weekend. She has rung to say she is expecting us to pay for her train ticket.

I am quite shocked about this. She is on a full student maintenance loan and has received £1000 bursary this term on top of her student loan. One of her grandparents also gave her £1000 at the start of term. She hasn't run out of money. She said the other day she still had £1700 to last until the end of this term.
I think that she is now an adult and should be covering her own transport costs to come home for the weekend. DD says all of her friend's parents pay for their rail tickets when they go home (or come to pick them up) .

We are 4 hours away so not easy to pick her up for a weekend home.

We have already been down to visit her and stayed in a hotel for a weekend. As it is pricey, we can't keep doing this.

AIBU to expect DD to pay her own train fair to visit us this weekend?

Even though her daughter has £1700 spare and the OP is on a low income? I think her daughters the tight one here

I would pay for a single ticket to come home, but make sure that she has a railcard and understands booking in advance to get cheaper fares. I would also look at the option of coach travel , if she can get somewhere local to you it could be possible to pick her up.

I think you should this time but have a chat when she is home to agree what you are and aren't going to pay for x

So you're not paying anything towards her uni years? Apart from what her grandparents have paid it's loans and scholarships? Yep, you should be paying he travel cost unless you are also living off debt snd charity/ gifts.

There speaks the voice of privilege.

I can afford to pay and have often done so (also because I can choose a suitable time to pick up from the station). But it would be an offer from me, not a demand from DC.

I think you neither being reasonable or unreasonable.
You mention in one of your posts that you can afford it but it didn’t occur to you to pay for it.
If you never had travel costs paid for you by your parents then that is your normal and I can understand why it wouldn’t occur for your to do the same for your DD.
Others who have been in your situation as a student may want for a different experience for their DC.

My parents would drive me back to university (3h round trip) with a cooler bag full of home cooked food for the week. In my head, that’s what I envisage doing for my kids, if that’s what they want. I wasn’t unique in that way but there were others whose parents never came to see them or they never went home - which is fine as long as both parties are happy with that set up.

Question is, do you want to see her?
She may well stop coming back as often if you don't come to some sort of arrangement over her ticket.

Hi OP, there's no right or wrong answer. Just come to an agreement so everyone is clear. Sounds like you are pretty savvy with money and it sounds like your daughter has learnt well from you, so rather than be annoyed, I think you should be secretly pleased 😂

It is worth remembering though, paying for a ticket for her to come home is much cheaper than paying for you all to visit her.

As a compromise you could offer to pay for a coach ticket and if she wants to travel by train she can pay the rest.

Yes I think it’s an emotional issue. The feeling that your parents will look after you even though you’ve just left home. So you don’t pay she could decide not to come and you’re happy with that possible outcome? It sounds a bit cold don’t you miss her?

Of course I'm aware of this! Doesn't mean (as a parent) I wouldn't want to minimise the amount my child took out if at all possible.
The point is this is not the same as income. It's money that has to be paid back (or written off in 40 years' time ...)

It is exactly the same as income. It is money you have to live off. It is classed as income for things like claiming free prescriptions etc.

Hi Folks. Well just in case anyone is interested, DD came back home by train this weekend and had a lovely time. However, the train journey itself was horrific. Loads of drunk travellers, one of whom peed in the carriage. Others covered in blood, possibly from fighting?
Needless to say, I have booked a coach ticket for the journey back for the spring term!

oh not nice
better luck with her coach journey!

Thank you!