AIBU not to pay for DD's train ticket?

[SilverBirchx0x0]

DD started uni in September. She was supposed to be coming home this weekend. She has rung to say she is expecting us to pay for her train ticket.

I am quite shocked about this. She is on a full student maintenance loan and has received £1000 bursary this term on top of her student loan. One of her grandparents also gave her £1000 at the start of term. She hasn't run out of money. She said the other day she still had £1700 to last until the end of this term.
I think that she is now an adult and should be covering her own transport costs to come home for the weekend. DD says all of her friend's parents pay for their rail tickets when they go home (or come to pick them up) .

We are 4 hours away so not easy to pick her up for a weekend home.

We have already been down to visit her and stayed in a hotel for a weekend. As it is pricey, we can't keep doing this.

AIBU to expect DD to pay her own train fair to visit us this weekend?

What is your relationship like with your DD generally?

Out of interest

how close were and are you to your parents?

DS would want to pay for it himself as he’s quite independent but I’d still give him the money for it. And will do until he’s finished uni

I didn't "expect" my parents to pay for anything either.

But if they wanted me to come and visit them during term time, my budget didn't allow for it, so they had to send me the money.

I'm unsure how well off OP's DD really is - on the basis that the £1700 she currently has left is less than her £1000 bursary plus £1000 from grandma combined. These are likely to be one off payments, so she needs to stretch that £1700 across the whole year.

I used to lift share and chip in for petrol. I was also more than capable of getting myself a railcard and purchasing the cheapest possible tickets if no lift available. I didn't need my parents to mollycoddle me!

If money was running out at the end of term, my lovely parents would help me where possible. I had a job in the holidays to top up funds.

I'd probably pick her up, I enjoyed the road trips with my dad, I lived in the South East and went to Durham so not short journeys. Once I could drive he'd drive to me and I'd drive back. Occasionally if it was the middle of term and I was coming back for a social event etc at the weekend with friends I'd get a Megabus and pay for it myself.
It depends if you can afford it though.

I had a full loan, no bursary, no issue financial support (low income parents) worked throughout uni, and took a gap year between A levels and Uni so I could work full time plus a part time job to pay for myself once there.
I wasn't mollycoddled because my dad would usually collect me at the end of term!

I suspect fact that OP is on AIBU expressing “shock” and disappointment re her 18 year old DD who started uni this year and you have seen her once since she left… would indicate perhaps this isn’t the closest mother / daughter relationship

What? It’s only November-she would’ve gone in September. What’s wrong with only seeing them once in that time?

Will she be impacted though by the cost of living due to being in halls where she can also eat?

Op however, max income of 25k will be impacted by it if not already.

Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

but me? Seen my 18 year old once in two months and her first visit home - I wouldn’t be starting an AIBU on mumsnet about not paying for her ticket home. Why? Because the thought of having my dd home for the weekend is too wonderful a prospect!!

I always paid for my own tickets but that was a generation ago and today's kids seem to be more expectant.

Do you want her to come home, if it's your idea and you've been pressing for her to visit then you pay? A Railcard is a given.

Train tickets, especially long distance, was just a touch cheaper “a generation ago”

Having had a squint at trainline the prices haven't gone up as much as you might think....travel off peak, not on Fridays and use a Railcard and it's not that bad.

Might be just a touch more for 1st.......

how long a period are you referring to when you say “a generation ago”?

A generation is classed as 10 years I believe but I'm talking 20 years so not yesterday. All things are relative.

If you can afford to pay then you should. My parents always paid for me and I'd do the same for DD if finances allowed. It was never a question that my parents paid, my sister was at uni in the North of England and we're in Ireland they'd have never allowed her to pay to come home. They paid for her to come home at every opportunity. You should be proud she's at uni working towards her future.

2008-2018 train travel increased by 37%

2018-22 - biggest jumps ever recorded

www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/rail-fares-rise-train-season-tickets-uk-cpi-government-a8660821.html?amp

Yes I pay for train tickets and just checking my bank statement I paid for her Wagamamas last night as well. 🥴

How much is it?

Me and my mum did a mix of who paid when I was at uni. I didn't get any bursaries though and minimum loan.

I guess the real question is... is she coming home because you want to see her? Or because she wants to come home?

I'd have happily not gone home ever in term so it was a bit annoying to pay to return when I was happy as Larry at uni.

And buying your kid a train ticket for their birthday wouldn't impress me either. What a shit gift.

I'm coming from the perspective of never having asked my parents to fund my travel at Uni. Sometimes they took the opportunity to visit during reading weeks, they dropped me off and picked me up, but otherwise I happily funded my own trips.

I certainly would feel hurt as a parent at a child with plenty of disposable income not choosing to pay to visit and sulking when refused.

I certainly would feel hurt as a parent at a child with plenty of disposable income not choosing to pay to visit and sulking when refused.

Would you not be more interested in why?

having a wonderful time? Then whilst I’d love to see them, I’d be so happy that they’re happy!

don’t want to come home? Then I’d be wondering why

You're not mean at all, things were just done differently in our day! To be fair though, train tickets were vastly cheaper back then... Personally I'd pay it as I'd want to maximise the chance of my kid visiting, but then I've probably used bribery and corruption too much as a parenting method! 🤣

If you can afford it then why wouldn't you pay. Don't you want to see your child?