Be honest: Do you judge married women without kids?

[oxymomon]

When you meet a woman who has been married for years, and doesn't have children, do you (A) make assumptions about why they don't have children; (B) ask them why they don't have children (feel it's your place to seek answers); (C) judge them for not having children; (D) all of the above; or (E) none of the above? Be honest. What do you really think...

I’ll tell you what I do wonder about (although I don’t judge) though. A woman I used to work with got married in her early 20s to a man she’d met at university. The wedding was while we were working together. She was very clear and vocal that she did not want children; She said she could not face the thought of the actual birth. A few years later I hear through a mutual contact that she is now divorced from the OH and has had a baby on he own - no father on the scene, precise means of conception unknown!

Based on my childfree married experience, it's not that much honesty here or the judgy ones just haven't arrived yet

Thanks for your honesty, and I am SO sorry that you have been asked so many times why you don't have kids. That is very insensitive. In responding to my original post, some people were shocked that anyone would select option B (ask them why they don't have children), but your post shows that sadly people do do this. Perhaps they don't realise they are doing it. But maybe when they think they are quietly wondering in their head, they by mistake wonder out loud? Perhaps the solution is not to wonder at all. After all, what difference does it make how anyone else lives their lives?

This

Not at all. Doesn't even enter my head to think this.

E because it’s none of my business.

DH and I have been married nearly 10 years and don’t have kids. Someone did ask me why once. During dinner at my friends wedding. I had had my 3rd miscarriage the week before. She said cheerfully “so why do you two not have kids yet the?” I and I replied with a big smile “none of your fucking business”

The rest of dinner was very awkward 🤣

Nasty post.

None of the above. It's really up to them!

Not at all. As a mother of feral preschoolers, I'd probably be a bit envious of their calm and relaxed life! 🙈

Thanks for your honesty, and I am sorry that so many intrusive people asked. Despite the outrage from the post, it seems that sadly, people still feel they can ask such intrusive questions!

E. I would simply assume they either didn't want kids or couldn't have kids. It wouldn't even begin to occur to me to either ask them why, or to judge them for not having kids. Judge them as what?!

Because, it's probably one or the other. I'd wonder why the couple didn't have kids actually. Not the woman specifically. I wonder all sorts of things. It's allowed you know.

I don't think it's any of my business. I had two married aunts who didn't have children, and I had no desire to ask why.

I don’t give a fuck what anyone does or doesn’t do with their ovaries.

I think in todays madness a lot of people are choosing not to have children or delaying parenting and that's ok, it's their choice.

Having said all this, I was 34 when I had my baby, I’ve been with my husband since I was 20 and I had certainly been asked on many occasions why I didn’t have children, especially once we married and I was 30 as we had been together for a long time. I always thought that was really insensitive as they had no idea what the reason was! I don’t remember ever feeling judged necessarily, but people clearly felt it appropriate to ask!

E. None of the above. I was married for 8 years before I had my child and I have several good friends who are married without children. I don't judge them, why would I?!

I'm not sure you understand what the word judge means OP. I'm long time married without children. I can tell people wonder why but I've never jumped to assuming they put why judgement on it. They are simply trying to do what everyone does when they get a new piece of information about someone, navigate how to respond in that moment and in the future. As one of the reasons 'why' could be fought with pain and sadness it totally fine that people take a moment to 'wonder'.

I know loads of married people without kids, I can honestly say I've never given it a second thought.
In fact DH told me the other day that a good friend of his and his wife are currently going through IVF, it was only then I actually thought about the fact they didn't have children.

E - Reproduction OR not is a Feminist issue / Private issue and quite frankly none of your fucking business.
Is there a most impressive shit category in the Olympics?Fastest Piss?No, course not.
So no, we're not competing in the Fertile Category.

E

I consider it none of my business, and that either she doesn’t want kids or can’t have them. No need for me to know unless she tells me.

I might wonder why. I would definitely never ask. It is none of my business.

I would most likely be be thinking 'oooh I love her boots, I wonder where she got them from?'

I would never judge or ask, mainly through mine and my family's experience. My 4 MCs and my sister's infertility which she still finds hard to deal with.

Whats is CFRBC?

E - none of the above. I know plenty of married women without children. It's of no interest to me why they don't have kids.

I’d maybe wonder, but I’d never ask