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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Be honest: Do you judge married women without kids?

309 replies

oxymomon · 09/11/2022 21:24

When you meet a woman who has been married for years, and doesn't have children, do you (A) make assumptions about why they don't have children; (B) ask them why they don't have children (feel it's your place to seek answers); (C) judge them for not having children; (D) all of the above; or (E) none of the above? Be honest. What do you really think...

OP posts:
Klank · 09/11/2022 21:26

None of the above. I might wonder but the potential pitfalls are far too massive to go blundering in with a question.

MollieMarie · 09/11/2022 21:26

I tend to mind my own business

HermioneWeasley · 09/11/2022 21:26

E

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2022 21:27

You sound insane? Why would anybody judge someone who doesn't have children? It's not compulsory!

Akite · 09/11/2022 21:27

None of the above. Genuinely.

Trees6 · 09/11/2022 21:27

I might wonder but I’d never ask, nor judge.

Hugasauras · 09/11/2022 21:27

I don't think anything. It's of literally no interest or concern to me.

Chomolungma · 09/11/2022 21:28

I definitely wouldn't judge. I probably would have a little "I wonder why?" thought to myself but wouldn't voice it.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 09/11/2022 21:28

None, I don’t think anything.

Differentaround · 09/11/2022 21:28

If I’m honest, I do wonder ‘in my head’ why they don’t have children and do wonder if it’s infertility or choice, but this is all in my head and would NEVER ask

Heatherland77 · 09/11/2022 21:28

And what do you think when you meet a single woman in her mid forties with no children? Do you judge them too?
I truly hope not.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 09/11/2022 21:28

E - I rarely think about other people’s reproductive choices.

Your question now has me running through a mental list of married but childless women that I know. 1 can’t have children for medical reasons (we are close enough that I know that), 1 wants them but is waiting, 1 hasn’t confided in me and I haven’t questioned her.

ZenNudist · 09/11/2022 21:28

Wha? Seriously no one thinks like this.

Prettybutdumb · 09/11/2022 21:29

I would never judge, too busy being jealous of their lifestyle

FiveMins · 09/11/2022 21:29

I hope they didn't want them and couldn't, but other than that no thoughts. I have lots of friends who don't want kids.

Comedycook · 09/11/2022 21:29

I wouldn't ask. I would probably wonder if they couldn't have children. That's about it.

Quitelikeit · 09/11/2022 21:29

I’d wonder but never ask or be interested enough to care

MysweetAudrina · 09/11/2022 21:29

I might wonder in passing and hope it was through choice and not through loss or being unable to.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/11/2022 21:29

I wouldn't judge at all. It sounds rather wonderful tbh.

toastofthetown · 09/11/2022 21:29

I honestly couldn't care less about other people's reproductive choices. I don't think anything at all.

shiningstar2 · 09/11/2022 21:29

E 🤔

PurplePansy05 · 09/11/2022 21:30

E

After recurrent miscarriages I've experienced before having DS, I really understood this is none of my business.

Prior to that I would probably wonder what their reason was, whether that was just their preference or whether life hasn't gone like they had hoped in that regard but I would've never asked them anyway. It wasn't judgemental, merely curious at the time.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/11/2022 21:30

No. On what possible basis would you “judge” someone for not having children?

londonrach · 09/11/2022 21:30

None. I don't judge. By the grace of God It could have been me but DD was a miracle...my aunt never had children due to abuse as a child. . Never ever judge someone.

RisingSunn · 09/11/2022 21:30

I’d wonder but never think to ask.