Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Be honest: Do you judge married women without kids?

309 replies

oxymomon · 09/11/2022 21:24

When you meet a woman who has been married for years, and doesn't have children, do you (A) make assumptions about why they don't have children; (B) ask them why they don't have children (feel it's your place to seek answers); (C) judge them for not having children; (D) all of the above; or (E) none of the above? Be honest. What do you really think...

OP posts:
TartanGirl1 · 09/11/2022 21:31

WTF why would anyone judge?! That is so weird!

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 09/11/2022 21:31

E because there are lots of possibilities so any assumptions would likely be flawed and I certainly wouldn't ask as none of my business and could potentially upset the person to be asked.

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 09/11/2022 21:31

E

Honeyroar · 09/11/2022 21:31

No of course not.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 09/11/2022 21:31

It probably wouldn't even register. Why would I be in the slightest bit interested one way or the other?

AnyRandomName · 09/11/2022 21:31

I wouldn't ask. I also wouldn't know they were a. married and b. childless unless they told me, I rarely talk about my children, I have other things to talk about (I hope).

I wouldn't judge, just as I wouldn't just an unmarried women with children, or unmarried without or married with.

Dappledapples · 09/11/2022 21:31

E

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 09/11/2022 21:31

E. What a nasty post of course I wouldn't judge married, childless women. How odd!

C1N1C · 09/11/2022 21:32

No, I'd respect them more.

Vikinga · 09/11/2022 21:32

None of the above. I figure they either couldn't or didn't want children. Neither of which is my business. My neughbour doesn't have children and they're in their 60s and have been married since young. I think she may have told me why she didn't have children but I can't remember.

BeanyBops · 09/11/2022 21:32

None of the above. I might wonder if it were out of choice or not, but thats only because I admire women with the courage and tenacity to know kids aren't right for them and stick by it! I'd keep it to myself unless they bought it up though.

Purpleberet · 09/11/2022 21:32

Wtf. To be honest this is just a product of societal norms and expectations.
How often do you meet someone who’s married or has kids and think, why?

StarDolphins · 09/11/2022 21:33

It never crosses my mind!

CassandraBarrett · 09/11/2022 21:33

I might wonder in passing. I'd never ask or mention it

Brainfogmcfogface · 09/11/2022 21:33

E
I literally wouldn’t give it a second let alone a first thought!
i don’t know why anyone would assume marriage = children, that’s odd imo

RoseAndGeranium · 09/11/2022 21:33

Might wonder about it if she and her husband seemed to like children, but I’d never, ever ask. And of course I wouldn’t judge. Wtf.

Mardyface · 09/11/2022 21:33

Judge what?

CredibilityProblem · 09/11/2022 21:33

I might lightly wonder whether they're medically unable to have children, or are simply child free by choice or whether there's some more specific situation, but neither situation would be cause to judge.

I'd just bear in the back of my mind that distressing medical infertility was a possibility in case I said anything that might be unfortunate.

Breezycheesetrees · 09/11/2022 21:34

I know loads of married COUPLES without children. I've no idea why and I'm not really interested (as in, it's nothing to do with me and doesn't affect how I relate to them).

Isthatascratchonmygrandmother · 09/11/2022 21:34

Absolutely not.

QueSyrahSyrah · 09/11/2022 21:34

E.

It's no more my business than my not having kids is theirs.

I wouldn't ever even ask if someone if they had kids, much less why not if not.

ARoastPotato · 09/11/2022 21:34

None of the above- I know older couples without children and I have wondered why they didn’t have children, but wouldn’t dream of asking and didn’t really give it more than a minutes thought. No judgment though

polkadotpixie · 09/11/2022 21:34

I would wonder if they had fertility problems (as do I and that's probably why it would be my first thought) but I certainly wouldn't judge or ask

Mamai90 · 09/11/2022 21:34

I definitely wouldn't judge and I certainly wouldn't ask, it would be none of my bloody business!

I might wonder about infertility but only because I've been there myself. And nosey bastards did ask. Male taxi drivers were the worst! But surprisingly a lot of women too. It didn't take infertility for me to know that it's so rude to ask! Even before TTC I neither judged nor asked.

JustFrustrated · 09/11/2022 21:34

E.

But then I grew up listening to my elder sister going on about how she didn't want kids.
An aunt who doesn't have children but is married.
My sister In law and my brother don't have kids.

So in my immediate vicinity it's always been entirely normal to me.

I've also had people, e.g. work colleagues, be surprised to learn I'm married with kids, even when I've worked with them for months, because my children and my husband aren't my focal point at work.