Be honest: Do you judge married women without kids?

[oxymomon]

When you meet a woman who has been married for years, and doesn't have children, do you (A) make assumptions about why they don't have children; (B) ask them why they don't have children (feel it's your place to seek answers); (C) judge them for not having children; (D) all of the above; or (E) none of the above? Be honest. What do you really think...

I sometimes wonder why they don't have kids and whether it's a choice or not, but I never ask because it's absolutely none of my business and if they want me to know, they'll tell me.

Why would anyone judge? I don't even understand that.

It's absolutely none of my business why someone doesn't have kids. If they don't want them, that's totally down to them, more power to them. If they haven't been able to have them, then I'd be mortified to force them to explain that to me.

I just see no reason at all to go there

I do judge them, yes. Favourably.

Good grief I was married for YEARS before we had children - nice to know people were probably judging my child-free existence and pondering exactly why I hadn’t yet popped out a sprog.

To anyone who wonders why a child-free married friend doesn’t have children - it’s absolutely none of your business.

Unfortunately my experience is different, "Men do not get the same judgment and are not generally told they don't know what real love is and their life has really no proper meaning until they have kids" is excaxtly what men will say, either direct or indirect. The indirect way has a nastier sting to it.It seems that a lot of men, don't seem to realise or understand that nature does not always cooperate

You might sometimes wonder why, of course, but I can't see why you'd ever "judge" in the sense of telling yourself that what they're doing is 'right' or 'wrong'. It's really none of your business. I know plenty of childless women who are married or in relationships. Usually it's a case of them having met someone too late but it's also quite common for people just not to want them.

It also happens that they’ve met someone at a perfectly good age to have children but not been able to have them. I was 29 when I started ttc. It’s not always a question of “too late”.

Oh my god yes this!! So you chose not have children but you’re just an assistant?? Well you must be a wonderful homemaker (🤢) then.....no we live on salads or take always and I get someone once a month to do a deep clean. The shock and horror! What is your purpose in life then?? Yes this has been said to me 😂

Many many years ago DH received a two year contract to work in his home country. It is a popular island tourist destination so of course I was going with!! I struggled to find a job but did lots of volunteering as like many popular holiday spots most of the citizens don’t benefit. Anyway my mother said well seeing as I won’t be doing anything for a couple years I might as well have a baby. Give me something to do....

E none of the above. No shits to give, don't care. More likely to be thinking about something I have or haven't done, do I look fat in this, will anyone notice the spikey hair on my chin, why is this person unfriendly / looking sad / how lovely they are, am I being offensive / too quiet / funny / too serious.
Questions about children are like the weather - fillers, a way to ask someone about themselves on the basis that lots of people have them (or nieces or step kids) so they often end up being a point of shared experience.

Yes there is this assumption that if you don’t have kids you should be doing something amazing instead like walking up Kilimanjaro for charity or being a mega successful business woman. Anything other than quietly living your life.

No.

If I felt anything it would be tinges of jealousy.

I judge people who have kids they clearly didn't want or don't bother to raise correctly FAR more than someone childless (married or otherwise).

I see so many people day-to-day who clearly aren't suited to being parents (I don't mean struggling, I mean actively negligent, disinterested and selfish) and really SHOULDN'T have had children that I have a great respect for anyone who decides it isn't for them.

I have never wanted, nor do I have children of my own (I'm a step-parent which I wanted to do a decent job at hence my presence here). I have always felt this way and it would be unfair of me to have children just because it's the 'done thing' if I didn't TRULY want them.

Rightly or wrongly I'd assume they didn't want any. And I'd obviously never ask.

I don't give a shit who has kids and who doesn't.

It genuinely wouldn't cross my mind.

I remember once when I’d been married about four years a colleague asking “any sign of a family yet?”

My record was six weeks.

I wouldn't make any negative judgement, but I have asked people before if they wanted to have kids.

Why? It’s none of your business.

And how do you react if one says "yes, but we've been trying for 10 years, I've just had my 5th miscarriage last week and we can't afford any more IVF" and bursts into tears? Because unless you're close enough to take all that on and support her, you shouldn't be asking

We had a lot of people ask us when we were having children straight after we got married and some on our wedding evening…

We had lost twins 3 weeks prior to our wedding day 😞

I’m so sorry. I was asked by a male family member when we were going to have our second whilst in the middle of my second consecutive miscarriage. It’s awful and I don’t know why people do it.

@RoseAndGeranium my dad asked me a month after my miscarriage “when are you finally giving me a grandchild!”

people are very insensitive

@MRSDoos They really are. Hope things are better for you now. 💐

@RoseAndGeranium thank you x currently 14 weeks pregnant 🌈

@MRSDoos Congratulations! So pleased for you. Hope you have a lovely, happy pregnancy.