If both you and your partner work

[knackerarmous]

How do you divide up "housework"?

I know there are people on here who say they can clean a 17 bedroom mansion in 20 minutes but how long do you really spend cleaning in a day to get round everything? How often do you deep clean stuff?

My partner has taken the route of saying that since he cooks he only has to do a bit here and there. Everything he makes uses every utensil, pan and plate in the place. For me, something simple would do most days. I do cook but over lockdown he got this obsession with it and in his own words is "possessive" about it. On that basis it's a mix of something that needs doing and a hobby as well. I don't think he can see that. I did a roast dinner with all the trimmings the other day (which he somewhat ruefully admitted was very nice) and then the next day he was panicking about what lunch was going to be! There was loads left.

I feel quite resentful about this situation. We've discussed it and agreed to draw up a list of what needs doing and divide it between us. So, what do you think is fair?

If it makes a difference we are both self employed/wtf so we make a bit more mess during the day. I earn more than him but work less hours, which I think has caused him to think the house is my job.

I don't really know the split. I think my husband does more than me. We do most things together except he does all the laundry because I hate it and I clean the bathroom because I felt I had to do something as I didn't do the laundry. Otherwise we just blitz things together. We have certain meals that I cook or he cooks (he might do a bit more) but I'm usually in the kitchen with him tidying up or chatting.

We also both work full time mostly from home. Oh and we have a roomba which is life changing it hoovers and mops haha.

*wfh not wtf 😂

My husband probably does more housework than I do but it works for us. He has 2 full days off a week without me and the kids home so he cracks on does most of the cleaning. Throughout the week we both just do our best to keep on top of things. He does all of the laundry too because i hate it.

@Lyricallie Wow, I just googled a roomba and they look ace. Thank you!

I tend to do dishes, laundry, cooking and pet care, the rest gets done as and when by whoevers free- he works more hours so I'm happy doing more

@hugznotdrugz I really hate washing up. I'd rather do the toilets! So I think I'll say he needs to do at least some of that.

Both work here. DP full time (or slightly more) but mostly from home.
Me just under full time but with travel to office 3x week.

DP does hoovering, bathroom cleaning and cooks most nights for us two, for the kids 1-2x week. I cook for the kids 3-4 x week, although 2x week this is one child cooking with me supervising (so takes twice as long!). At weekends we eat together and DP cooks.

I do our laundry. Have got DS1 doing his and DS2’s. I do ironing.
I do all admin related to kids, including meetings with school (both kids have SN) and other paperwork like passport renewals.
DS1 also takes out recycling, restocks loo rolls.
DS2 empties small bins, closes curtains in winter, lays the table.
Both DC empty dishwasher.

DC are 12 and 15.

I also earn more but do slightly less hours than my partner - i wfh he doesnt. No kids involved.
Fair is - straight down the middle.
The way we see it is that just because i have pursued a career that involves less hours at work & wfh doesnt mean i should be punished by doing more housework?? If i worked significantly less and earnt significantly less with no kids involved and he was subsidising me then maybe id be doing more then but right now? Absolutely not.
We're not the tidiest - thorough clean probably once every 1-2 months (full day, 3 bed semi) but other than that its probably anywhere from nothing to half an hour a day, a couple of hours at the weekend, not including meal prep/wash up.
My other half also uses every implement known to man, but after i pointed out that he could load the dishwasher as he went along cooking for the most part he started doing so.
He also does more in the evenings than me because being WFH i often do stuff during the day while on calls etc, unload dishwasher, load washing machine etc. So by the time he's got home i've done my bit.

When you do the list include things like sorting car/house insurance, oil and water in the car, washing windows, gardening, changing beds, buying presents for family, if you have kids this extra list will be looonnnnggg.

I do more as I don't have a shorter commute and work less hours.

There's only us, plus a dog and three cats. It takes probably 20-30 minutes spread out over the day on average.

@hugznotdrugz Sorry, forgot to say, when I lived alone I probably ate simple meals to minimize washing up, so having a sink side full of stuff every day rankles me a bit.

We very loosely follow the organised mum method so about 30 mins of cleaning a day which is done by whoever is WFH.

Laundry is shared but I generally put a load on over night and hang up in the morning.

I cook, food shop and sort bits and bobs like supplies. He does the bins and the dishes.

It's roughly 50:50 but if we both have a busy week work-wise only the bare minimum gets done and we try to do a more thorough job the next week!

@Taswama Did you discuss that split or just naturally fall into a routine?

We both work mostly out of the home, I work slightly less hours then he does. He does the food shop as I can't bear it, and he does a fair bit of the cooking but I do cook a good meal a couple of times a week. I do most of the cleaning and tidying bits, we do our own laundry (for some reason he doesn't believe in us just having a shared laundry basket...)

We have a baby on the way so this will likely change, but we just seem to naturally prefer doing jobs around the house which works when the other doesn't want to do them.

Is he expecting you to do all the clearing up/washing up he creates? If so he has no incentive to be more efficient in the kitchen.

I think cooking is a separate thing to housework especially if he enjoys it. Its creative and is not the same as cleaning at all. Often it takes my husband similar time to clean up as it took me to cook so I don't think doinf the cooking absolves him of doing any other housework!

@KILM That sounds about like what I do time wise. We don't have a dishwasher atm as it's bust but we have agreed to get another. I think that would make a huge difference.

I can’t see a future for you two OP. Seriously.

If he's stuck on saying the cooking is his 'chore' then divide the cooking. He's conveniently choosing something he enjoys as his contribution. Then split the cooking and the other household jobs.

And the person who does the cooking does the dishes that they're cooking creates.

@MendaciousMabel Congratulations on your baby! It seems like a lot of people have stuff they just hate doing, I'll have to factor that in. Seeing a huge stack of washing up after one meal just does my head in to be honest!

Can he not clean as he goes? If I am cooking I wash up while things are simmering etc to reduce the load at the end...

I do the bulk of all housework this includes laundry, cleaning and cooking as husband works longer hours than me and has a longer commute time. He does all the DIY, gardening, bins, shopping and taxi service for the kids

And I forgot to add pays the bills

My husband does the bulk of our house work.
for dinner the one who cooks doesn't do the cleaning up.
my husband does all the bigger jobs in that he deep cleans the bathroom weekly ect.We do the washing on a Sunday. Who ever sees that the washing is dry will fold and put it away ect. Kitchen/living room gets cleaned each night so is only a 5 minute job, we normally take one room each.
i work two days per week and have my child the rest of the time my husband feels that looking after our child is another job in its self so is happy to pick up the slack😅