To think £400 board to parents...

[mumofteenss]

is fair under these circumstances?

For context, my son is 19, this is his first job. He finished college last June having spent 3 years there doing vocational/skill-based courses. He's not academic so uni wasn't something he wanted, but he's very active and practical/logical-minded. I said while he was in education I would 100% support him; even if he had a job, he could keep all that income. He chose not to find a part-time job, entirely his choice.

Since June any support I received for him stopped, I'm a single parent, and I work full time, but my wage isn't a lot so I received UC and CB to top it up. As soon as he finished college all the elements for him stopped. I made him aware of this. These reductions in my income were around £350 a month.

He did find this job fairly quickly in mid-July, but due to the nature of the role, it required DBS checks which were a nightmare to sort out when he had no ID or statements. But we sorted it for mid-August. He's been waiting since then to start and finally started this week.

The wage he will be getting at 19 is not terrible. It equates to around £1300 a month after tax and whatnot. I have said I think £400 is fair, and I will continue to pay for everything he received up until now, all meals, if we have take out or eat out ill pay. If he wants to take over his own phone contract, apple music, xbox live, etc (all combined with them for my other children still so I don't mind keeping these) and he wants to arrange all of that himself, then he can give me £350 instead.

I see it as for 6 months I have 100% supported him with no income at all, in fact, I have really struggled to do so, but have not said anything as he was waiting to start this job. But I do need to recoup this money somehow and feel asking him to contribute that much is fair.

He will still have £900 a month, which is a damn sight more than I have spare, and very few outgoings as the workplace is within walking distance, and I in fact work on the same site so days our shifts line up he can come with me.

Is £400 a month a fair amount?

You should also consider this is ‘income to you’ so when you declare this you could end up with less benefits etc. worth putting in to a calculator to check. Also, maybe think about taking more and putting some away for him - if he has it he may well spend it whereas you could save some for him!

Its not considered income its his portion of housing costs now he isnt on my UC. Ive spoken to numerous advisers.

To clarify, once he is over 21 £77 is deducted from an award regardless of how much they contribute. Under 21 my UC is not effected by any contributions made.

Wow - there's some horrible comments on this thread from all parties.

OP - you sound like you're sorted the only thing I'd suggest is getting him to take over his phone bill - it's a good thing to be responsible for and it will help him start building his own credit rating too.

Just to add,because it feels like a little balance is needed, I didn't get charged rent when I moved back home at 22 on the proviso that I saved that money for a deposit instead. I bought my first place at 24. The logic being that my parents didn't have a lump sum to give me for a deposit (not saying they should but I know they'd have loved to have been able to) but they could afford to give me a room and food and instead I used those 2 years to save up myself. Forever grateful and no, despite what others may say, I didn't then live a life of squandering my salary left right and centre just because they helped me. In fact I was super conscious that I'd never get another opportunity to save like that again.

It sounds like a fair amount. I paid £200 to my parents on that kind of wage but it is all relative to income etc from parents. Everything in your OP sounds fair enough. 100% agree with the posters who said maybe take some more off him to save! Or make sure he saves half of that £900 he will be left with. He could have a nice deposit saved up in 3+ years!

Sounds very reasonable to me. For those of you who wouldn’t charge your child rent, Why should their earnings be for fun and yours for bills? Doesn’t seem fair to me.

Mine oldest is now 22 and has been paying £400 a month since they got a job at 18. It's so important to get used to that outgoing straight away. Ready for when they get a place of their own, either rent or mortgage as they are used to it coming out.

Granted we do save half in an account ready for a mortgage but dc doesn't know that and doesn't begrudge paying.

Also they live with their partner over the weekend, very rarely eat at home, pay own phone bill, toiletries, lunches etc.

£400 is a fair amount if your household needs the income.

Haven’t RTFT and the family situation may have been slightly different but I was paying my DM £400 per month over 30 years ago so I can’t see that the OP is being U!

My gosh some awful comments on here. It sounds like a fair amount in these circumstances and it’s actually preparing him well for when he lives independently.

Band 6 roles in my department for the ones telling you to go for that, include a year of study at a lesser wage than top 5 to then get less than £100 a month more for the first 2 years of being a 6. Lots of nurses want to remain a 6 because they actually want to nurse rather than manage or become less clinical depending on area. I can’t believe with the news about nurses wages people are still so naïve to think the answer is that simple. A band 5 nursing job should be enough to support a family.

Totally fair. There are not many working adults with a spare 900 a month as spending money.

Op you’re doing absolutely the right thing. The only suggestion I might have is taking more and putting it into savings for him as I think £900 is a shit load of spending money and could be used to get him used to a lifestyle he can’t sustain. Having said that I think you’re 100% doing the right thing by your child and you. X

Great news!

Random question here. But do you have to pay tax/declare his money as income?? How does this work?

But yea that’s a reasonable amount. At 18 I was a student and my parents gave me what the local authority told them to which equated to the grant. I still had to get a part time job to be able to have spending money as although they earned enough for me not to get a grant, they didn’t really have that much as disposable income so I got as much as they could afford. By 22 I graduated in the city I had studied in so I paid my own rent and bills straight out of my salary. Back then a 2 bed flat, council tax, utilities, insurance, food and travel etc pretty much ate up my income. Rent was reasonable though. But then a year later I did manage to get a mortgage and buy. I never lived at home once I earned money.

it’s something I’d have to consider in future for my own children though. Single parent also on tax credits etc means a lot of income would stop when they turn 18. I do think it’s tricky for parents who revenue additional benefits related to their children once they leave home. If the child stay home and earns they can help contribute to the loss but if they move out (which seems much harder these days) then the parent can potentially lose alot of money.

Of course not, it's not income. It's just him paying part of his own way in the house.

Tbh, I think it's excessive. I was a single parent too but it would never have entered my head to think, let alone say, that I 'needed to recoup' anything I'd spent before my DS got a f/t job! I took half that from him, he bought his own toiletries etc. He managed to save for a deposit for his own house that way.

@Sarahzxcvb - that was a really mean and spiteful comment. Disgusting

How many years ago was you a single mum??

Your mum and her husband should definitely look at a Benefit Calculator as what your brother earns shouldn't affect their claim for UC, only with regard to Local Housing Allowance and Council Tax Benefit (he is classed as a non-dependent due to his age). benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

Sadly, it is too late now for them to be considered for any of the recent Cost of Living payments, but they have got nothing to lose by checking their entitlement.

400 is a very fair amount.. but please ensure that you treat him like an adult now he is working.
And that means he has to do his share of shopping, cooking laundry, cleaning etc...
And have a serious talk about savings... short and long term.. if he starts now it will be a habit for life... before he gets used to £900 spending money a month!!!

I would write him a list of all Bills he would pay if he moved out.
Rent
Council Tax.
Internet.
Utilities the daily charge included.
Food at £50 a week.
Also ask him to do his own washing for a week.
Then ask him if he is still thinking your over charging him.

@Imnothereforthegiggles oh my god THANK YOU so much for saying everything I've been thinking. I've been sat here in total disbelieve at some of these posts.

@Janiie what you have said about band 5 and band 6 post is just not true. If that was the case wards would be full of band 6s. Where I work there are only 4 band 6s and the rest band 5s. And this is the case in most of the wards in the very large educational trauma hospital that I work. I've been a band 5 for 26 years. I have no interest in being a band 6.

Personally I think that's a huge amount, but I appreciate times are tough. You do just have to remember that the more he pays the longer it'll take him to save to move out too, so depends if that's high on your priority list. As someone who had to pay rent as soon as I turned 18, my opinion is probably a bit biased but the insistence from my parents that I contributed financially meant I stayed in/got jobs that weren't any good for me and made me miserable, and I was unable to continue to pursue any training or further education I wanted because I still had to pay my way. At the end of the day his future opportunities and prospects shouldn't be compromised for income now, it never works well in the long term.