To think £400 board to parents...

[mumofteenss]

is fair under these circumstances?

For context, my son is 19, this is his first job. He finished college last June having spent 3 years there doing vocational/skill-based courses. He's not academic so uni wasn't something he wanted, but he's very active and practical/logical-minded. I said while he was in education I would 100% support him; even if he had a job, he could keep all that income. He chose not to find a part-time job, entirely his choice.

Since June any support I received for him stopped, I'm a single parent, and I work full time, but my wage isn't a lot so I received UC and CB to top it up. As soon as he finished college all the elements for him stopped. I made him aware of this. These reductions in my income were around £350 a month.

He did find this job fairly quickly in mid-July, but due to the nature of the role, it required DBS checks which were a nightmare to sort out when he had no ID or statements. But we sorted it for mid-August. He's been waiting since then to start and finally started this week.

The wage he will be getting at 19 is not terrible. It equates to around £1300 a month after tax and whatnot. I have said I think £400 is fair, and I will continue to pay for everything he received up until now, all meals, if we have take out or eat out ill pay. If he wants to take over his own phone contract, apple music, xbox live, etc (all combined with them for my other children still so I don't mind keeping these) and he wants to arrange all of that himself, then he can give me £350 instead.

I see it as for 6 months I have 100% supported him with no income at all, in fact, I have really struggled to do so, but have not said anything as he was waiting to start this job. But I do need to recoup this money somehow and feel asking him to contribute that much is fair.

He will still have £900 a month, which is a damn sight more than I have spare, and very few outgoings as the workplace is within walking distance, and I in fact work on the same site so days our shifts line up he can come with me.

Is £400 a month a fair amount?

Exactly. My son’s halls costs £8000 a year and he needs to spend another £100 or more on food / drinks etc. £400 for everything included, mum cooking and washing for you, it’s a bargain.

How will you cope when he moves out? Is he using £300-£400 of of food and energy every month? That seems like an awful lot to me

'In my dept all band 6 roles are filled, there are very few across the trust as whole at the minute.'

They won't always be filled though, see if opportunities arise with mat leaves etc. Band 5s tend to be for newly qualified or the first year or 2 post qualifying. Keep your eyes peeled and see if there are secondments, training etc. I do think the key to replacing the UC is trying to work your way up a bit. Hard when kids are small but if they are all teens now you should get more free time for studying etc. Good luck.

I will downsize to a smaller and much cheaper 3 bedroomed property. My rent is high as I wanted each of my children to have their own space once they all became teenagers. I currently rent a 4 bed house (well, 3, but a downstairs room is converted to a 4th bedroom which my eldest has) and I pay a premium for this. Once I no longer need the space I can move to a much smaller house with just my other 2 children. He doesn't want to share with his 13 year old brother and my middle child is female so obviously not an option there for either to share with her.

That’s a very good salary fir his age/first job

100 a week is very fair or £400 a month as gets paid monthly

leaving him with 900 disposable income

wow. Wish I had that

You sound like an absolutely amazing parent @mumofteenss Your children are so lucky to have you. 😘

🙄

OP absolutely ignore the judgemental remarks from some on here. You are clearly a hard-working and caring mum and are absolutely reasonable to ask him to contribute, he is an adult and you are treating him like one and he seems to have been raised well enough to understand the request.

For all those horrified by the idea. I was in both sides. My parents were comfortable and when I was in uni they financially provided for me, I was very lucky. My dad then became seriously I'll and could no longer work and therefore our families financial situation dramatically changed. So when I moved home I was expected to pay £300 a month towards the house so bills could be paid and food put on the table. This was a cost my older sibling didn't have to pay. I never resented this and I still don't, it was fair. I would never have told my mum to just get a promotion to cover it or cut costs.

My point is, those saying they would never do this are fortunate to be in that position. You are speaking from a place of privilege you don't seem to even be aware of. You have absolutely no right to cast any judgement on OP.

My UC entitlement is basically nothing now the elements for him have been removed anyway.

Why did you post OP? You can’t charge less and pay your bills. If everyone would have said it’s not fair, what could/would you have done?

I haven't read the full thread but it sounds like you're doing a great job OP, I hope my young adult gets to where your son is at soon!

Pretty sure it's the shit dads being shit dad's fault here 🙄

Gosh, so very fair of you. I really hope he willingly agrees to this OP.

He earned it so he can spend it on whatever the hell he wants. I get making up the short-fall with loss of CB etc but taking more because he has too much to yourself, that's just cruel

My 18.year old is on a similar wage. He pays us 25% of his wages for bed & board and 25% into an ISA for a house deposit. That gives him 20% savings for holidays, presents, etc and 30% for his phone, gym membership, travel exprnses, toiletries and day to day spends.

We supported him whilst he was in education but now he's working he needs to support himself. He's getting a good deal, he certainly would not be able to live anywhere else as cheaply, nothing has changed for him beyond he has to give us some of his wages, we are getting help with the bills, which in this current climate is really helpful. He has the added benefit of being able to save a deposit for a house and once he gets his own place, he is already used to using 50% of his salary for essential bills, so we are setting him up to be able to successfully manage his money. Win win!

I was replying to a PP that said they'd take more as £900 was too much disposable income for someone so young, I wasn't getting at OP I think she's being fair

@HPFA £200 is quite low still, think about how much an adult costs just for food, plus electricity, water, any toiletries you buy her. Just to 'break even', and even then she's probably got loads more disposable income than you!

We'd pay the leccy gas whatever because we would be anyway.

The “leccy”, gas, etc would be less without an extra adult in the house. Showers and laundry cost money. A house share would cost a lot more.

Precisely. My ds is at college doing a foundation degree and runs a 2 screen gaming computer and studies at home once a week.

He is also a swimmer so has more washing than me. (Swim and gym kits) And more showering!

He also has a day off a week as works 2 full days and so is using electric when I'm not in.

On top of that we have a car because he's disabled. I wouldn't need one without him requiring it for lifts to training and work and the fact he can't use public transport.

Ds does find his own swimming from his PIP. Or else I'd need to charge using that because I can't work more because I have to care for him.

People often have no idea what life is like for those who don't have stability or simple 2 working adults or ability to have 2 incomes.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Nuka couldn't agree more with anything you've said or replied with on here.

OP has already said Shen he moves out she can move to a smaller home and will have cheaper rent.

I’d move in if I only had to pay £400 a month.
Totally reasonable amount. To be honest I would give him a break down of your financial responsibilities for the home, for a month, so he can see how little his £400 will actually cover in the grand scheme of things. If he has any sense he will be grateful, save £200 a month of his earnings each month & learn to appreciate what income he has & what you provide for the small amount he pays for board & lodgings.
If he doesn’t like it he can try to find somewhere else to live but he won’t have much change from £1300 if he chooses to do so. He also won’t have a cook, cleaner or maid!!