AIBU to tell parents they can’t visit until after lunch?

[Doicompromise]

I have primary school aged children (and for context one sibling who has no children). My parents try and turn up every year first thing on Christmas morning to be there when the kids open their presents “to be part of the magic”. When they were really little they would turn up for half an hour to give presents and then we would all have dinner together.
The last few years they just want to turn up with presents to be part of the magic and go and have dinner elsewhere and enjoy the rest of their day which is up to them.
I voice each year that I would rather they did not visit in the morning so that we can enjoy our own time together as a family on Christmas morning and it’s not chaotic. I am usually told “no we have dinner to get to and we want to see the kids”.
Part of it is that they now don’t spend Christmas dinner with us so I feel a bit miffed they don’t want to spend that time with us. But primarily I just want to enjoy those precious moments while my children are little, I don’t want visitors there for “the most magical moments”. I just want to enjoy my children with my husband and then I’m happy to have visitors after lunch or visit other people.
I don’t feel I’m being super precious about this but if I am then I’ll have to compromise. I don’t want to upset my parents, but equally I do want to enjoy Christmas with my little family without feeling like each year someone rocks up to see the special bit and then leaves with no thought for how we wish to spend our day. Any suggestions?

LindseyHoyleSpeaks Jeez, Christmas or not, there's no way I'd let them in at that time, let alone entertain them!

vom/shudder at my little family and "I just want to enjoy those precious moments while my children are little, I don’t want visitors there for “the most magical moments”.

I think it sounds great, they come and hang out for the morning chaos and then bugger off. Sounds like they are also trying to accommodate other peoples wishes re dinners etc at least they are not demanding your presence in their home/routine at highly prescribed intervals, half way across the country.

However context is everything - you think of them as visitors - I have half in mind Joanna Lumley as Amanda's mum in Motherland....

alternatively do what we do - stockings at dawn (well midmorning now with teens) and then presents after Xmas dinner.

Yanbu.

They can't pick and choose the best parts while they're not willing to inconvenience themselves.

Definitely say no visiting before lunch, if it doesn't suit them that is hard cheese.

Enjoy your peaceful morning. 🎅

if I had children I would love my parents to come round Christmas morning to see the enjoyment and what not, we do it with niece.
but that’s just us

Are you close to you parents? you talk about you’re parents as if they are strangers or random visitors just rocking up?

Exactly the same here. We just say no visitors until the afternoon. If they turn up they aren’t coming in.

Yes, but the OP is now a grown-up and no longer has to do as she is told.

Just because they are her parents does not mean that she has to change her plans around what they want to do. Expecially since they then fuck off elsewhere for Xmas dinner.

I voice each year that I would rather they did not visit in the morning so that we can enjoy our own time together as a family on Christmas morning and it’s not chaotic. I am usually told “no we have dinner to get to and we want to see the kids”.

'That's a shame that you have dinner to get to, we'll see you on Boxing Day then instead.'

It’s grim isn’t it? Wanting to hoard exclusive little ‘precious moments’. Relax OP fgs!

I voice each year that I would rather they did not visit in the morning so that we can enjoy our own time together as a family on Christmas morning and it’s not chaotic. I am usually told “no we have dinner to get to and we want to see the kids”. I’m assuming you’ve not got a particularly good relationship with your parents. In which case, the best response is ‘Aww, that’s a shame because it doesn’t fit in with how we’ll be spending the day. Perhaps come round Christmas Eve instead? You can see them open their Christmas Eve boxes and help them lay out a glass of milk and a mince pie‘.

If they try to insist, just keep repeating that it doesn’t suit. Be prepared for a meltdown when they realise you see them as inconvenient visitors though.

You've missed the point. It's not what the OP wants.

If they no longer spend all day with you I really can't see the problem in them popping round in the morning. That leaves the rest of the day for you and your family to have lunch, play with the toys, watch TV, go for a walk or whatever you want to do.
Your parents are your parents and your children's grandparents - I wouldn't call them visitors. They're family.
If they go elsewhere for Christmas lunch maybe they have a few drinks and just want to relax/doze on the sofa afterwards. I can see why they'd prefer to come in the morning.
I think you're being a bit precious. I wouldn't want any old person with us on Christmas morning but my parents would be very welcome.

Totally agree with the OP. This is your special time with your children and worked hard all year for them. No way should grand parents be there until after the Christmas morning present opening is finished. If they want to have dinner elsewhere and not come later on thats up to them.

I remember my dad getting upset about this when my grandad just turned up early one Christmas morning. He was made to sit elsewhere till we had finished. No doubt caused some arguments between my mum and dad but as a kid I was oblivious to this.

We have my parents over at 10am and then the in-laws at 12 then lunch at 2. It works really well and means that we get the 7am-10 with just us and DS, then time with all the parents and then back into just us for the afternoon.
But, we are a comfy Christmas house. If you come over there is a good chance one of us is in PJs and you either accept that or you can leave

But what you would do is completely irrelevant @SallyWD, OP doesn't want her parents there on Christmas morning. She's asking whether that's an unreasonable stance to take and of course it isn't. It's her house and her children, if she doesn't want anyone else there, that's her decision to make, not her parents'.

We had this with my annoying and very sensitive in laws!! We had to be really clear on the time as they would often turn up an hour earlier than expected and I'd be still waking up! We just got really clear with them about it (not nasty )and invited them for special dinner on Christmas Eve instead or Boxing Day. It works well as they get the grandchildren all to themselves and we get our family time in the morning. It's personal preference, obviously some people don't mind having loads of family over first thing and others of us want something quieter and chill (especially considering how busy it gets later). However I think that if you're upset that they never stay for lunch, then you should say that - ie. 'How about this year you come for lunch and we'll save some of the presents/stockings until you arrive?' I think you need to really spell it out that 'We want to see you but we really want the time in the morning to ourselves'. YANBU.

I would absolutely hate my parents or in laws to be there first thing xmas morning (and I am close to my parents)
I am so wrapped up in the moment and enjoying every second of what my DC are doing. I don’t want to have to think about anyone else in that moment or checking anyone else has what they need. I want to have my kids all to myself (along with DH) for those couple of hours. If that makes me selfish I really couldn’t care. After that of course they can come round and give presents and all the rest whilst I cook and serve and host all day. My parents and in laws got their turn with their kids and now it’s mine. It’s a few short years when they believe and before the ‘magic’ disappears and I don’t want to miss it or give it to anyone else.

Oh dear OP this sounds familiar. My job this year is to make sure my mum doesn't turn up too early at my sibling's house (My sibling has young children and I don't.) Our mum has form for being invited at 2pm and turning up at 10.30. always surprised that they're still in PJs, that they've already got the fire going, and belittling an unusual but important tradition they have on Christmas morning and trying to change the time they cook the dinner.

Grandparents have had their turn bringing up children - and I say that as a new GP now myself

Invite them the night before or at whatever time suits you OP. Be prepared with your answer if they ask you directly why they can't come in the early morning.
"Oh it'll be more fun later, we want a peaceful morning" or whatever will work on them and they can't argue with. Keep repeating "see you at 1 o'clock then" or whatever time you've decided.

There is something quite magical about opening presents late on Christmas Eve, by the fire and in the light of twinkly lights. We are going to do that.

OP you have to just tell them plain and stright that you want that time just you your husband and your kids. Just spell it out and ask them to come at 11 or whenever. You will have to be blunt and yes it might upset them a bit but that might be unavoidable

So OP in 30 years time when your current kids have children and they firmly tell you that you are not allowed to see them open their presents, would you be fine with that? Would it not be nicer if you let them watch their grandchildren open their presents in the hope that you got to watch your grandchildren in the future too? You just sound like a very cold, controlling person to me.

I think sometimes grandparents forget they’ve already had the ‘magical moments’ with their own children and they probably weren’t too keen when their own parents or in-laws tried to impose their own ideas on things or expected them to keep others in the family happy.

It doesn’t matter if it’s formal or laidback in your house on Christmas morning and what your parents may expect. All that matters is that you want to have it on your own with the kids first thing in the morning this year and your parents should respect that.

Exactly this

If you don't want your mum and dad to watch your children open their presents on Christmas morning, then you need to be blunt and say so. That is your right.

They will probably be upset. That is their right.

What you have to weigh up is whether you will be more upset by them being there or by them being upset that you won't let them be there.

I get it, if you want to have a relaxed morning as a family that's absolutely fine. Give them their santa presents in the morning and tell family you'll do family presents all together at 11. Just say there's no point them coming earlier because the kids might be up at 5 or they might be up at 7 and you're not going to make them wait for their santa presents. Best of both worlds and it spreads the presents out throughout the day which is always a good idea!

You're allowed to have your own special traditions and time together just as a family unit!

It's your decision, of course, but I don't see what the big deal is. They show up, gifts are opened, then they leave.There are plenty of MNer who would probably thank God on bended knee for that. Why do you resent it so much? Is it that they no longer have dinner with you? Is it that they expect to be fully entertained in a spotless house with the DC lined up like the VonTrapps? Hell, I'd resent that too!!

If my parents & iLs wanted to be there to watch our DC open gifts, they'd have to have shown up at our house between 4-5 am!! No sleeping in for us, but we didn't mind it. We'd call the DGP after the chaos was over to come view the opened gifts and DH made us all breakfast, but it was casual with DCs in PJs and us usually in 'lounging' clothes, and usually short. My mum cooked Xmas dinner and iLs had another DGC to see, so the visit was usually an hour or so then off they went and we all met later at my parents, including the iLs, for dinner.

If you're making your DC wait until their DGP deign to show up to open gifts, stop that bit of it. They can fit in to your schedule or stop coming. I also agree that it's not time to 'entertain' them. A pot of tea/coffee and maybe some donuts/scones (from the market), but that would be it. And no 'scrubbing up' and getting dressed either. Would that make it work for all of you?

@Doicompromise

you do realise that your parents are every bit as much your family as your kids don’t you ?

they are not “visitors” they are the kids grandparents ffs, not randoms off the street

YABU