AIBU to tell parents they can’t visit until after lunch?

[Doicompromise]

I have primary school aged children (and for context one sibling who has no children). My parents try and turn up every year first thing on Christmas morning to be there when the kids open their presents “to be part of the magic”. When they were really little they would turn up for half an hour to give presents and then we would all have dinner together.
The last few years they just want to turn up with presents to be part of the magic and go and have dinner elsewhere and enjoy the rest of their day which is up to them.
I voice each year that I would rather they did not visit in the morning so that we can enjoy our own time together as a family on Christmas morning and it’s not chaotic. I am usually told “no we have dinner to get to and we want to see the kids”.
Part of it is that they now don’t spend Christmas dinner with us so I feel a bit miffed they don’t want to spend that time with us. But primarily I just want to enjoy those precious moments while my children are little, I don’t want visitors there for “the most magical moments”. I just want to enjoy my children with my husband and then I’m happy to have visitors after lunch or visit other people.
I don’t feel I’m being super precious about this but if I am then I’ll have to compromise. I don’t want to upset my parents, but equally I do want to enjoy Christmas with my little family without feeling like each year someone rocks up to see the special bit and then leaves with no thought for how we wish to spend our day. Any suggestions?

This!! They can’t say no, just bloody tell them! Absolute cheek of them.

@Blossomtoes not that long. I know that. I think it’s just the general vibe when someone is very much a guest to be waited on vs coming round and getting stuck in. I have both types in my family and I know which one brings more pleasure to both them and us

One day they won't be around, so don't be so self centred

For goodness sake. So many posts like this. By the time they kark it, OP's kids will probably be adults and OP will never have had the Christmas morning that she wants.

My DD and SIL are having their own Christmas Day with their toddler and new baby. I'm happy for them, and we'll have an alternative Christmas together on Christmas Eve.
I'd hate to think that guilt about 'one day she'll be dead' could result in a sympathy invite for me year after year when they actually want, for the first time, to just be the four of them.

How many have (actually) turned away their parents from the door on Christmas morning?

Just wondering as it has been touted by quite a few.

That would give the kids a really warm message on the meaning of Christmas.

I can just about understand not wanting them there, I can totally understand talking with them about your individual wants for Christmas day.

But to turn someone away at the door on Christmas morning, no.

@BeyondMyWits I can't imagine many will have been bolshy enough to turn family away at the door. But that doesn't mean to say people are happy about family arriving so early.

Honestly just stand up for yourself. For years our tradition was to spend Xmas day with mum, and Xmas Eve with Dad and his new family. As adults, we would go up and have food and drinks and have to walk home about 45 mins otherwise drive and not drink. After getting married and hosting h Xmas lunch for my mums family, I was shattered and going up to dads felt like a chore as I just wanted to vegetate and chill out Xmas night.

I finally found the guts to tell dad I wouldn't be coming up and he was upset with me. He was a bit rude to be honest but I stuck to my guns otherwise I'd have had to do it year instead what despite not wanting to. They may be upset but try to have the Christmas Day you want.

My theory is they've had their Christmases with their children, and now it's our turn.

My theory is they've had their Christmases with their children, and now it's our turn.

It’s not your theory, it’s a MN mantra. Strangely it doesn’t seem to apply when people want childcare. Funny that.

A lot of overbearing/future overbearing Grandparents on this thread

i never have and will never have asked mil for childcare. Not ‘for a night out’ or work or anything. She doesn’t want to do prolonged alone time with dd. I feel she does not have the mobility to be safe doing so. Doesn’t stop her wanting to be involved where possible. Why is it always trotted out on here that people want endless childcare from in laws? I had a child so I can look after that child. I don’t want her handed over every weekend so I can ‘party’ or whatever

Or loving grandparents. As can be seen from the opposing views on this thread it all depends how you look at it.

You can be loving and still understand normal boundaries.

I wouldn't feel 'rejected from Chistmas Day' because they have to make their own family traditions. I've had my time parenting them, now they have to make their own choices as a couple and family. I'll see them when it works for both of us.

Most people on here think OP is being reasonable. These grandparents want things their way regardless of how OP feels about it. Then they go off and spend the day how they wish, why can’t OP have the day how she wishes?

Also, you were on a thread saying that you didn’t have any children a few weeks ago, now you’re in the minority here, trying to tell OP she’s wrong, because of how you do things with your child. Why are you lying about having a child? And berating OP for wanting to do things a certain way based on how you do things with your child...that doesn’t exist.

I can understand you feeling a bit resentful that they want to go elsewhere for Christmas Dinner., though presumably it does mean a bit less work for you, and more time to relax with your partner and children. I also think it's a bit of a cheek, when you have already said that you would prefer them not to come in the morning, that they ignore your wishes.

I'm not sure what you should do but, given that they seem a bit bossy and entitled, I think I would prefer them to turn up for present giving and go, and leave me and my family in peace.

It's your house. So your rules. If you don't want them there then just say! They'll understand and get used to it 🙂