AIBU to tell parents they can’t visit until after lunch?

[Doicompromise]

I have primary school aged children (and for context one sibling who has no children). My parents try and turn up every year first thing on Christmas morning to be there when the kids open their presents “to be part of the magic”. When they were really little they would turn up for half an hour to give presents and then we would all have dinner together.
The last few years they just want to turn up with presents to be part of the magic and go and have dinner elsewhere and enjoy the rest of their day which is up to them.
I voice each year that I would rather they did not visit in the morning so that we can enjoy our own time together as a family on Christmas morning and it’s not chaotic. I am usually told “no we have dinner to get to and we want to see the kids”.
Part of it is that they now don’t spend Christmas dinner with us so I feel a bit miffed they don’t want to spend that time with us. But primarily I just want to enjoy those precious moments while my children are little, I don’t want visitors there for “the most magical moments”. I just want to enjoy my children with my husband and then I’m happy to have visitors after lunch or visit other people.
I don’t feel I’m being super precious about this but if I am then I’ll have to compromise. I don’t want to upset my parents, but equally I do want to enjoy Christmas with my little family without feeling like each year someone rocks up to see the special bit and then leaves with no thought for how we wish to spend our day. Any suggestions?

This.
Someone made a comment that there are not many more years left of this and GP should get to enjoy it. I see the reverse. You need to enjoy it and if GP being there is ruining it, you need to stop it.

I would be exactly the same as you; just be firmer. They had there precious moments of when you were a child it’s unfair now they aren’t letting you. We tried to organise this last year, inviting families on Boxing Day DH parents demanded coming on the morning of Xmas day too. The whole point of Boxing Day was to spend time with them then, it wasn’t an issue for my family . So it annoyed me as we rushed to get dressed and ready when I wanted a chilled morning and then they were late as well. They don’t want us for dinner because they don’t like me. I’m gonna have to be firmer this year and put mine and my husbands feelings first.

Christmas day - you and your little family. Tell your parents they can come on boxing day if they're that pushed for time.

I wouldn't be happy that my parents would encroach on my little family - despite telling them you want to be left alone. I understand that it's also annoying that they do this really early, just because they're in a rush to get to wherever their Christmas dinner is - that is not YOUR problem - theirs. For me, it would be all or nothing. You've told them it's your little familys special magical time. If they want to come later and stay for lunch then they're welcome but if that means they're running your family moment because it fits in with their lunch plans, tell them boxing day it is! 👍🏻

Surely if she hates having them there so much she wouldn’t want them to share any other aspect of the day and would be grateful they fucked off and spent it elsewhere? She doesn’t have to cook for them and has her “own little family” 🤮 for the rest of the day. Win/win.

Just keep your doors locked. They'll get the hint ... eventually.

On a serious note as someone whose parents aren't alive I'd sell my soul for them to be here sharing memories and driving me mad.
Becareful what you take for granted. Of course you need to do what us right for you, but a happy life is built on mutal compromise

@Mollymoostoo
@BananaFluff

y would the gp’s ruin it though?!
cos they are not part of the “my little family “?!
urgh so insular

@KEvLA

why should the whole day just be her “own little family” 🤢 honestly women that are only bothered about their kids and no other family or friends …. You do realise that one day your kids will be grown up and you’ll be so bored and lonely!

@Itsnotaferret

y would it not be a special moment If the grandparents are there too?

p.s I hope they extend that to babysitting. Op wants a night out and wants grandparents to look after kids. I hope they say to her the same thing - “no we’ve had our time looking after kids, it’s your time now! Best cancel your plans and have another night doing bath and bedtime”

you reap what u sow and all that

This!

They're entitled to be their own family. People who are not my children's parents DO NOT dictate how I spend me and my children spend and see at Christmas.

If I want to go away for Christmas day and spend it in New York, I will GO and spend it with my children and husband, however, if my children asked to spend their Christmas with their grandparents, then that's what we'll do.

Your children are everything, your first priority and they always come first above all family and friends - when and if you were a parent you'll understand/should know this. If your family are a supportive and understanding and your friends are real friends, they'd understand this and never hold it against you in the future. So, no, you won't be bored and lonely. Grow up. 🙄

And how do you know the Grandparents don't already do that?

My baby hadn't even entered the world before I was told they wouldn't be babysitting.
Then once he was here wanted to babysit so I could do the cleaning!

You reap what you sow and all that!

This. I’d let your parents come at least sometimes.

You lost me at "my little family" 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

@KEvLA

nope other family and friends are important too. My kid isn’t everything, they’re a huge part of my life but not everything - there are other things in my life that’s important too - my husband, my career, other family, my friends. When they grow up I will still have a life cos I maintain my social life now etc

. It’s not all “my little family’ all the time for me

I think in real life most people are like that tbh

@Dinoteethif they were then fine

but if they’re not then they would be well within their rights to tell op to whistle next time she wants a night out and then to baby sit

I know

what an awful

I mean.,,what does it even mean?!

Well said.
At the end of the day, making presumptuous comment - whether they "will extend it to babysit for you'. Its a childish remark to even discuss. Its about how the poster can compromise in her situation 🙈

Good for you. 👍🏻

I have the opposite issue. I'd rather my parents were over in the morning but they want to visit later afternoon, after lunch, when we will all be tired and sluggish

I think it’s sad that people don’t understand that not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. Mine are visitors, maybe once every two years. It is what it is.

I haven’t read the whole thread so am probably repeating others…. Firstly you have to be firm with them. Put your foot down about what is and is not ok for you. Secondly, I recommend having an alternative suggestion that they can hopefully agree to eg - a lovely meal together and present opening on another day around Xmas time.

You've told them it's your little familys special magical time

Just when you think "my little family" can't sound any worse ...🤣🤣🤣

This isn't really about Christmas though is it? It's about the fact that they are ignoring what you want and lreventing you from enjoying your own thing at Christmas. By accommodating them you are putting your own needs last. There are always ways to compromise but at the moment there is none - you just don't get what you want. No one is going to give it to you on this issue- you have to (politely and.kindly) put your foot down. Tell them how you feel. Perhaps they don't understand what an issue it is for you and how much it's pissing you off.

I honestly don't get why all of these "special/precious/magical times" need to be contained to "our little family". Does having another person there, who also wants to experience the joy taint or "steal" these moments? If it was a randomer off the street I could understand the unease, but your own parents, who aren't demanding anything? We have become so incredibly insular and selfish.

I would be miffed at this .They seem to want to turn up at the "magical bits! Then zipping off for Lunch somewhere else! (Where do they go out of interest) My DP sadly no longer here ,would come over Christmas Day afternoon with us for lunch .And we would open their parcels then with our own(FC parcels in the morning) All good .Maybe say every other year pressies and lunch?