Dropping and collecting 18 year old to part time work..a mile away.

[aldischristmas]

My 18 year old is still at school.We are in the ROI.She works most weekends for a few hours on Saturday and Sunday.Those hours can be morning or evening but she expects a lift to and from work and is quite nasty when i complain at having to stay up to collect her at unsociable hours.I felt completely justified in saying no when I am not free as I have other kids and am a single parent.She earns plenty so could easily afford a taxi and she also has her Dad closeby, who is pretty useless but she won't even ask him. I was talking to one of my closest friends who then told me that she was changing her entire wekend plans because her own 18 year old daughter needed to be dropped and collected to/from work. AIBU to think this is absolutley ridiculous that our lives are now revolving around our 18 year olds needing lifts to and from work.I am beginning to think that we are our own worst enemies.

A mile?! Why can't she walk?

So put a stop to it and tell her to walk/get a taxi/call her dad? You’re being a doormat.

This is the same distance my 8 and 11 year old walk to school. Why can’t she walk?

Is it in a risky area? No buses?

You're being a doormat.

I used to work on a motor way station at 16 I would work till 1-2am and had to pay out of my wages to get a taxi to work and home! Both parents had a car and both not short of money, but it was my own choice to work therefore my own choice to get to work and home.

Not a bloody chance I’d be doing that! I wouldn’t even pick them up from school once they started secondary, bar a few exceptional circumstances.
She can walk, get a taxi or nab a lift with someone else going in that direction.

I’m afraid you need to say no and mean it! Make yourself busy for when you would need to do next weekend’s drop offs, give DC plenty of warning that they’ll need to make their own way to work…. Then leave them to it! It is not up to you how they make the one mile journey. Honestly they’ll figure it out because they’ll have to!

I used to get the bus to my Saturday job at that age, wouldn’t have dreamed of asking my parents.

Came to ask just this! If it's a time of day thing, as it a late ending shift, then she should get a taxi: walk there, taxi back.

The fact she's being shitty towards you would make me not do it.
She's showing no respect for you...don't allow it.

I used to drop off and collect my late teen daughter from her part time job when she was at home, but only when it suited me. If it didn't suit me, she would walk or get a taxi.

Get her a bike!

If it’s a risky area at the time of day she needs to travel, I would be reluctant to refuse and certainly wouldn’t be complaining about the unsociable hours. Though a taxi, if they are readily available and won’t cost a significant amount of the wage she earns seems would be a reasonable alternative. I would go out of my way to make my kids feel safe and able to work when they’re just starting out as I see it as a big part of prepping them for the big wide world.

But if the walk or cycle isn’t risky I would hardly ever be driving her because encouraging autonomy is also a big part of prepping for the big wide world.

I disagree. It’s a young woman, safety is an issue, even in broad daylight, and it’s a mile not the other side of the earth. DH and I spent several years spanning our kids getting lifts to/from work which we fitted in around our own extremely busy schedules. Late night pick ups were the best as least likely to interfere with our schedules. Eventually they drive and you can bribe the older ones to pick up the non driving younger ones some of the time😁.

So stop doing it! Its a 5 minute bike ride

No fricken way, she can buy a bike , walk or get a bus.

My daughter walks to school and back. A mile each way. In London. She's 12

start charging her, make it more expensive than the taxi might be and she might take the hint

@HoppingPavlova why is safety an issue in the day time? Loads of kids walk all sorts of places during the day. School, clubs, to meet friends.

I sort of understand if it's very late at night but still, I would expect a teen old enough to hold down a job to be able to manage a mile at most times of day whether that be walking, cycling or taxi.

That's just setting them up for a lifetime of laziness and dependence.

Children up and down the country go to school or out with mates miles away from 11, I know I did. An adult woman can walk a mile, or get a bike for the evenings so it's only 5 minutes.

Tell her to save up for a bike.

Its the being nasty part that irks me. How dare she? As others have said tell her to find her own transport and make sure it is safe for coming home late

We take our nearly 18 year old daughter to and from her part time evening job, because we want her to be safe, and don't consider walking a mile or two in the dark at 11pm to be safe. Getting a taxi there and back would wipe out nearly all her earnings from a 4 hour shift, plus it's not necessarily safe hanging around in the town centre waiting for a cab. She's learning to drive, so hopefully soon enough she'll be driving herself, but until then, we, as her parents, are happy to do what is needed to keep her safe. Even when she drives herself, no doubt we'll wait up to ensure she gets in safely all the while she's still a dependent child at school.

I would have been embarrassed to get a lift from my parents at that age.
Bike, walk, bus or taxi.
You're doing her no favours enabling her dependence.

More cars doing short trips. Just what the world needs.

Dd had a job a mile and half away, partly down country lanes, and was happy to walk. It gave her a chance to chat on phone or listen to music. Unless it is late at night, bad weather or she is particularly vulnerable stick to your guns.